Help really Worried we are going to go under!

tyllwyd

I put it in here http://listentotaxman.com/ and got £3447 per month. Could you get the books to balance with that as a regular income?

rizla01

Hi, imcognito,

Also, I'm afraid OH is going to HAVE to give up sky Sports channel.

Certainly neither of you are in a position to afford your selves ANY luxuries for a while.

£30 per month on two boys haircuts? Can you not see that this is an extravagance. Vidal must be doing well out of you.

You can easily buy hair clippers and do it yourself. (Yes, really)Young lads don't need fashion. Just tidy.

You have a land line. You don't work. Why do you NEED a mobile at all. Get a PAYG. (Call 18185 will give you cheap calls to landlines and mobiles).

£50 per Month on clothing needs to be looked at. suggest that you get used to using a charity shop or two. And that means for YOU too.

As stated. Childcare payment is an unneccesary luxury, too.

Look, Imcog, you have come on here to ask for help because you are sensible enough to see that this cannot continue, so well done fro taking the first step.

The second step that EVERYONE in debt has to realise is that if you havent got the money for it YOU CAN'T HAVE IT!!!

Then you need to learn to cut back on the 'Essentials' which you have become accustomed to. Basic is living in a tent with simple cooking/sleeping arrangements. Anything above this is a luxury and something that you need to weigh up and try to do without. Seriously.

The aim would be to find some middle ground and enable yourselves to put money aside for your use only when you have enough in the kitty.

You may not both be driving around in porche carreras or live in the leafy suburb of Buckinghamshire, but you are certainly trying to emulate the habits of those that (apparantly) can afford your lifestyle. Ask yourself WHY?

When you manage to say and mean - I really DON'T care what others think about me, then you have won your battle and will have a much happier and wealthier life ahead.

Like I said, its more to do with your mindset (And thousands more like you - You are not alone) that needs changing before your spending.

imcognito

WorkingHardDFW wrote: »

Hi and welcome

The hardest part is facing up to your issues.

Two things strike me from your posts, forgive me if others have already mentioned them:

Spending Diary: Its really important that you understand how and when you are spending your money so you can ID what can be saved. keep a spending diary and you'll be amazed how the little things add up over the months. Its been fantastic for us and its now 9 months old and still going strong. Its shown us where we were over spending/under budgeting and helped us correct our budget as we've gone along. For example at the start of the year I'd budgeted £15 pm for clothers (family of 5) well a review of the SD last month shown I'd already spent £340 on clothes ytd (essentials & sch uniform only) and therefore the budget was too low.

Your OH Income: Its great that your OH has the opportunity to make such additional earnings but if you are living to the max and not the min they debt starts to build up. I would pick a figure at the bottom end of the range of his monthly income and use that as his monthly income. Try working out the averages over a period of time. Re-do your SOA based on the suugestions with the reduced income. Then when you OH does have a good month that difference is a bonus and can be used to pay off the debt over and above the basic regular payments.

Some of our debt came from not budgeting income correctly and I've learnt the hard way!

I hope that this helps.

Good luck :cool:

Wow Thank you for your post, from your sig I can see you have dpone really well so far. Will have a look back on your posts I think!

I just wish there was an easy answer!

imcognito

rizla01 wrote: »

Hi, imcognito,

Also, I'm afraid OH is going to HAVE to give up sky Sports channel.

Certainly neither of you are in a position to afford your selves ANY luxuries for a while.

£30 per month on two boys haircuts? Can you not see that this is an extravagance. Vidal must be doing well out of you.

You can easily buy hair clippers and do it yourself. (Yes, really)Young lads don't need fashion. Just tidy.

You have a land line. You don't work. Why do you NEED a mobile at all. Get a PAYG. (Call 18185 will give you cheap calls to landlines and mobiles).

£50 per Month on clothing needs to be looked at. suggest that you get used to using a charity shop or two. And that means for YOU too.

As stated. Childcare payment is an unneccesary luxury, too.

Look, Imcog, you have come on here to ask for help because you are sensible enough to see that this cannot continue, so well done fro taking the first step.

The second step that EVERYONE in debt has to realise is that if you havent got the money for it YOU CAN'T HAVE IT!!!

Then you need to learn to cut back on the 'Essentials' which you have become accustomed to. Basic is living in a tent with simple cooking/sleeping arrangements. Anything above this is a luxury and something that you need to weigh up and try to do without. Seriously.

The aim would be to find some middle ground and enable yourselves to put money aside for your use only when you have enough in the kitty.

You may not both be driving around in porche carreras or live in the leafy suburb of Buckinghamshire, but you are certainly trying to emulate the habits of those that (apparantly) can afford your lifestyle. Ask yourself WHY?

When you manage to say and mean - I really DON'T care what others think about me, then you have won your battle and will have a much happier and wealthier life ahead.

Like I said, its more to do with your mindset (And thousands more like you - You are not alone) that needs changing before your spending.

Hi thanks for reply,
Haircuts is for Dh and the boys, The boys have LONG hair Yes both of them LONG! I refuse to have them look like thugs which personally little boys with clippered hair DO look like IMO, its £5 each for them, I guess I can do myself, I believe the cheapest round here for DH is £12 (hes looked) and thats every 3 weeks to a month otherwise he looks like a young michael jackson! so I was a bit over. £22 a month. No clippers ffor all 3 of them tho NO way, I do care what people think of me and I do care if they think my dh or my boys look like trash!

Yep will swap my phone to PAYG - will i need to change number? Hope not have had mine for over 10 years! Not that I talk to anyone haha

Landline is for broadband really dont use it, I have a mobile in case i get stuck somewehre all my chatting is on MSN!

Clothing - ok will get this down and sell to buy instead have loads of their clothes i think. Ive never been in charity shop unless to give things away. Might do ebay tho!

I have a box of other stuff to ebay we have already ebayed everything we can think of!


Will work on mindset now!!

cjalynch

Imcognito,
Sounds as though you are in a similar position to me two years ago (except one extra child).
You really will find a way through this.
I think you should drop the pre-school charges and just let DS1 do the minimum until school- I know this is hard having him at home all the time and they do need stimulation. Is there really not a preschool without the top-up fees?
Are you in a remote area, hence the car? i have never driven and have walked everywhere for the last three years. Lucky in that we are fairly near the supermarket, but i walk twenty minutes each way to pre-school twice a day four days a week and it has been brilliant for my health and the budget. Can you do without the second car?
As said before get rid of the mobile phone you don't need and get rid of Sky. We ditched it three years ago amid many protests from OH- we are now in a position where we could actually afford to get it back and just don't miss it that much anymore- little ones are happy with the BBC and free channels and i just don't have the time.
Look around your area to see if there are any little jobs that you can do from home- ironing or a bit of typing? I was fortunate to find a small part-time job and although I only bring in about £150 a month now with my limited availability of hours, it is most of the food budget covered. Every little helps...
You say you have dropped a brand at the shops- try as much value stuff as you can. Some of it will really save you loads. Get over to the old-style board, there are some inspirational people on there.

Hope this helps and best of luck- do not be disheartened if you speak to the debt charities and they tell you they can not help you-they told me this three years ago and said we should downsize and sell-up. Well with careful planning and the loss of some luxuries in our lives we are stil in the house, still together (yes there have been big rows over money!) and hanging in there.

In_Search_Of_Me

Just found this....alas there is no easy answer for any of us....we've spent beyond our means and sommats gotta give to get out of it plus its gona take a while (fee free to join us on the longhaulers thread).
As others have said I would phone one of the free debt co's (numbers at the top) to get some advice. I think if you dont it will get to a stage soon where the decision is taken for you and its much better to take control and deal with it than the decision being made for you. At this stage its just advice and theres no harm in asking...re your soa I agree with othere re the mobiles (payg and use only as emergency -but appreciate you cant with 1 at the mo) and sky sports...both of you must realise that you cant go on like this. Childcare is a luxury you cant afford at the moment. Do you know of anyone who you can exchange childcare for to give you a break? What about family helping out a bit?
I know its hard but I promise once you take control and make changes you will feel a huge sence of relief. Have a look at the old style boards re the grocery budget (GB) and see where this can be cut down and sit down with your o/h and come up with a plan together. Days out etc should be a luxury and you can still have fun without spending - picnics (if the sun ever comes out!), library trips, having friends to you and visa versa and cooking a quick and easy cake etc...all saves a bomb. Most of all hang in there. You are certainly not the first and wont be the last but can become a new dfw statistic if you put your mind to it...hugs for you and welcome.

A ps for those who appear to have lost the ability to be gentle in their responses...please bear in mind that having a lightbulb moment is a very scary place to be and is hard enough without people being hurtfully blunt...how about making suggestions without being so judgemental?!

cjalynch

Just wanted to add that I spent most of my second pregnancy absolutely eaten up with worry over the finances so know how upset you must feel. Try to enjoy your pregnancy even though you are feeling under massive pressure. Feel free to PM me if you wish.

imcognito

cjalynch wrote: »

Imcognito,
Sounds as though you are in a similar position to me two years ago (except one extra child).
You really will find a way through this.
I think you should drop the pre-school charges and just let DS1 do the minimum until school- I know this is hard having him at home all the time and they do need stimulation. Is there really not a preschool without the top-up fees?
Are you in a remote area, hence the car? i have never driven and have walked everywhere for the last three years. Lucky in that we are fairly near the supermarket, but i walk twenty minutes each way to pre-school twice a day four days a week and it has been brilliant for my health and the budget. Can you do without the second car?
As said before get rid of the mobile phone you don't need and get rid of Sky. We ditched it three years ago amid many protests from OH- we are now in a position where we could actually afford to get it back and just don't miss it that much anymore- little ones are happy with the BBC and free channels and i just don't have the time.
Look around your area to see if there are any little jobs that you can do from home- ironing or a bit of typing? I was fortunate to find a small part-time job and although I only bring in about £150 a month now with my limited availability of hours, it is most of the food budget covered. Every little helps...
You say you have dropped a brand at the shops- try as much value stuff as you can. Some of it will really save you loads. Get over to the old-style board, there are some inspirational people on there.

Hope this helps and best of luck- do not be disheartened if you speak to the debt charities and they tell you they can not help you-they told me this three years ago and said we should downsize and sell-up. Well with careful planning and the loss of some luxuries in our lives we are stil in the house, still together (yes there have been big rows over money!) and hanging in there.

Thank you!!! Yes the preschool it is a biggie, will look into this this week, I agree they do need th stimulation! But its a huge cost, I just keep thinking if DH gets the vouchers (which this school accept) ten it would cover the costs? But I should prob change now. And wait for DS2.

Will go look at old style board too for ideas thanks.

I am loathe to sell all I ever wanted was a house for my kids! After Ds1 dads left me 6 weeks after he was born with the mortgage childcare (when i returned to work) no maintenance all the debt! I never thought I would see a way out, then I met Dh and all was rosy for a while!! I am sure we will get thru this, the adoption is going through this month or next which is a happy moment for us.

imcognito

In_Search_Of_Me wrote: »

Just found this....alas there is no easy answer for any of us....we've spent beyond our means and sommats gotta give to get out of it plus its gona take a while (fee free to join us on the longhaulers thread).
As others have said I would phone one of the free debt co's (numbers at the top) to get some advice. I think if you dont it will get to a stage soon where the decision is taken for you and its much better to take control and deal with it than the decision being made for you. At this stage its just advice and theres no harm in asking...re your soa I agree with othere re the mobiles (payg and use only as emergency -but appreciate you cant with 1 at the mo) and sky sports...both of you must realise that you cant go on like this. Childcare is a luxury you cant afford at the moment. Do you know of anyone who you can exchange childcare for to give you a break? What about family helping out a bit?
I know its hard but I promise once you take control and make changes you will feel a huge sence of relief. Have a look at the old style boards re the grocery budget (GB) and see where this can be cut down and sit down with your o/h and come up with a plan together. Days out etc should be a luxury and you can still have fun without spending - picnics (if the sun ever comes out!), library trips, having friends to you and visa versa and cooking a quick and easy cake etc...all saves a bomb. Most of all hang in there. You are certainly not the first and wont be the last but can become a new dfw statistic if you put your mind to it...hugs for you and welcome.

A ps for those who appear to have lost the ability to be gentle in their responses...please bear in mind that having a lightbulb moment is a very scary place to be and is hard enough without people being hurtfully blunt...how about making suggestions without being so judgemental?!

thank you for being nice!! I feel soo stupid at the moment!

We have a lot of tesco vouchers which I think will convert for a day out forthe boys, or let Nanny take them LOL!!! Is there better things to use vouchers on? think have a lot of nectar points too. and boots! Might use them for pressies for xmas! Argh xmas!

All family work unfortunately and are an hour away so it s not easy. I love being at home with my boys and bump but this is such a worry for us. Dh doesnt know what to do!

I will look into calling CCCS, Dh is home Thursday afternoon (for my big scan!) so might steal an hour on the phone then whilst he has boys for me.

Thanks again

cjalynch

Yes, let nanny take them for the day out! Tesco points can be used for many things. For the last three years I have saved Boots points for Christmas- once the three for 2 deals kick in you can probably get quite a few presents- having said that keep it very low key this year to avoid more debt. Join your local Freecycle group and see what you can pick up off there- you'll be surprised what people give away.
Do you go to any church playgroups- all the pre-school mummy and baby ones are in churches around our area and though some can be cliquey ours is really friendly. Some have babysitting circles where they swap time-might give you a break if you can find people you would trust with you precious charges!