At Wits End!

gravitytolls

Hugs and best wishes from me also. You poor thing.

I agree with everyone here. First CAB they'll help you apply for benefits, yo ucould do it yourself, but when you're feeling dreadful, it's just nice to be able to lean on someone else, especially if tehyknow what they're doing.

The children are not really angry at you, they're just angry. Their father's not there for them to shout at, but you are. In many ways this is a good thing. They are confident enough in your love to be angry with you, knowing that you will still love them. If they weren't sure of you, they'd bottle it up, and that would be bad.

Once the finances are sorted, you'll feel better, and be able to breathe knowing the bills are covered.

CAB may be able to point you in the right sirection of solicitor and legal aid advice.

As to the house, why is it his? You live there, and have contributed, even if not financially. A solicitor will be able to tell you more, but don't assume all is lost, especially as you have children.

Lastly, don't let yourself get bogged down. I know it's easy to say, but depression, especially as Christmas approaches, can just sneak up on you. If you feel very very blue, and can see no end in sight,m get yourself off to your GP, a course of counselling may be necassary, especially as you feel you have no support nearby.

As with everyone else, if you need a natter, just get on here and eveyone will try to do what they can.

God bless, keep your chin up.

Savvy_Sue

carol_a wrote:

Ditto all of the above except for the stashing money away bit. Be careful...If you do get divorced "they" will want to see evidence of all accounts in your name be they sole or joint accounts and they may have to be split.

If you have a trusted family member who could "look after" some money for you this may be a better idea until things have settled but I agree you do still need an account of your own. My ex OH went 3 years ago, he's a workaholic too with a mid life crisis and roving eye to boot! I'm a stay at home mum too.

My only reason for NOT suggesting that was that I wouldn't want Mr DM to suggest that DM had been 'stealing' money from the joint account. She needs the money to pay the bills, feed and clothe the family etc, she needs to know the money is there. Which as long as it's in a joint account she can't be sure of: Mr DM might suddenly decide to freeze it.

I'd suggest that DM herself should freeze the account, but since presumably that's the one Mr DM's wages go into she won't want to rush into it until she's cleaned it out - fair enough if she has to declare it - or got a little security of her own behind her.

tomstickland

I've skim read this, but my immediate thought is that you're faced with a lot of fear because all you can see is bad things that could happen; you feel in a position of weakness. It's not nice and I feel for you. It's the possibility of a lot of bad things that's making you feel bad. My guess is that, actually, it'll never be as bad as you think it could be.


Anyway, if he's run away, try asking him some simple questions. Like how much you can spend each month etc. Try to work out what his intentions are.

bubbles_2

try to find a positive in every negative that enters your head...i know its hard but it will help you to stop yourself sinking any lower ... sending you my warmest thoughts for strength and courage .. you CAN do it .. you WILL do it .. your not the 1st or the last to face this situation..this is a temporary storm on a rough path but keep walking one step at a time and you will feel warm sunshine again and in years to come you may be sitting there typing your words of wisdom to others x

flossy_splodge

I would add that the best thing to do about legal advice is ask around for a recommendation and unless there is a crisis give yourself a bit of time and space to just BE. special note to carol_a; beware. I left it a long time before taking any action in similar circumstances. I got advice straightaway and was told that I would get the house, most of his income, most of house contents etc as I had small children. Feeling reassured I just left things as I too was receiving some money from him. I suddenly turn round and find years have passed, his current girlfriend is pushing and he has arbitarily reduced what money he gives me, and now the kids are older I haven't a leg to stand on. I was so busy trying to be 'fair' that I forgot to be fair to myself! So please please remember, the younger your children the better the settlement you get so go get it sorted.
Good luck.
I too can tell you that now some long time on I am back to being my own person instead of trying to second guess an uncommunicative selfish self serving *** who quite frankly didn't deserve me.
When you believe this too, life will improve.
Hugs.xx

ginger_nuts

if you do a bit off shopping at the supermarket get cash back .It wont show on your bank statement as cash withdrawal .

44pinkpink

hello
i don't feel able to give the money/legal sort of advice cos i need it myself!am going thro the same thing with the same sort of man.
The best support i've had so far has been from this website tho. Friends and family are sometimes too close to give the sort of advice we need, as helpful as they want to be. No one knows us here so the advice they all give is unbiased, i feel. I feel so much better since discovering everyone here. I feel less alone and so much stronger. One good bit of advice has been to read as much about the law as you can....I realise i was sitting back and letting everyone else do things for me...allowing them (mainly the solicitor) to be in control. I've spent the past twenty-something years believing that I'm not worthy or capable of making decisions to do with money etc. But I realise that i am perfectly capable.
one good recommendation has been to get the "which" guide to divorce. my library had it. It's straightforward and helps to make sense of everything - assuming that's your plan tho.
the website about tex credits etc is good too - can't remember it but i'll find it for you later

things do improve tho, as !!!!ty as it all is at the moment. My almost-ex (decree nisi happens tomorrow) worked non-stop and now wants to keep (as he sees it) his hard earned money to himself. The git. well, ha ha , he's not having it all!!!
I really don't think he thougth i'd keep fighting. I think he assumed I'd give in ages ago.
I haven't (as easy as it would have been sometimes)
You mustn't give in either.
everyone here will help to keep you strong, cos you are
xxx