Can anyone help me, help my Dad ?

Murphy_The_Cat

Hello folks

My Dad is shortly going on his first foreign holiday for over 50 years. Its a fully escorted tour to America with Titan HiTours and he's going on he's going on his own (my Mum wasn't interested in going with him).

When he initially booked the holiday he was REALLY excited, but as time has gone on, he has become more and more apprehensive about the holiday and most recently he has admitted to being quite 'scared' and intimidated by the prospect of it.

I'm trying really hard to reassure him and I'm pointing out all of the positives about being on a fully escorted tour, but currently for my Dad, it is so, so many 'new' things at once and he's becoming quite overwhelmed by the whole thing.

He has had a dream of going to America for over 60 years now and I'd like to do everything that I can, to make his holiday of a lifetime as special and as memorable as possible. If anyone else has had similar experiences with helping an older relative/older friend get over their fears/concerns, I'd be really grateful for your thoughts & advice. I'm currently writing down as much as I can, but the more that I write, the more that I feel it will 'face him'. Its a real Catch 22 situation

cheers

SugarSpun

I have an aged aunt who did a similar tour last year. She was very nervous on the way there, but she made some friends on the first day on the bus and they still keep in touch now!

Are they taking coaches everywhere? Apparently people get very territorial about "their" seats, and the bus divides into people who think they know everything and harass the guides (in the front seats), people who want to hear a lot but lack the willpower to wrestle with the people fighting for the front seats (in the middle) and malcontents in the back. She sat with the malcontents, who were generally more independent and less nervy, but she made sure to mix with everyone.

It's only new for him; the guides do this at least once a month. So they know what they're doing. On an escorted tour, the places they'll go to are all very safe. Everyone speaks English, and on a tour like that the most stressful thing he'll have to worry about is what to bring back as a souvenir.

Buy him a call card and print out the time zone differences, so he knows when it's ok to call home. That way, if something really bothers him, he can ring and be reassured. Other than that, he should take a camera and his most comfortable shoes and enjoy himself.

Where's he going? I lived in the US for a while and I can maybe tell you a bit more about some of the places he's visiting. (nothing west of Chicago, I'm afraid - I'm strictly East Coast and Gulf Coast )

Murphy_The_Cat

SugarSpun wrote: »

I have an aged aunt who did a similar tour last year. She was very nervous on the way there, but she made some friends on the first day on the bus and they still keep in touch now!
I've got a very strong feeling that my Dad'll be just the same :j

Are they taking coaches everywhere? A combination of coach & train.Apparently people get very territorial about "their" seats, and the bus divides into people who think they know everything and harass the guides (in the front seats), people who want to hear a lot but lack the willpower to wrestle with the people fighting for the front seats (in the middle) and malcontents in the back. She sat with the malcontents, who were generally more independent and less nervy, but she made sure to mix with everyone. My Dad has been allocated his seat for the first day and Titan have a policy of everyone moves their seating rows, averey day. So hopefully he'll get to meet a lot of different people. Plus, there are 3 other 'singles' on the trip, so others will be in the same boat.

It's only new for him; the guides do this at least once a month. So they know what they're doing. I'm goping to suggest to my Dad that he mentions to the Tour Guide (who is with them all of the way from Heathrow airport) that this is his first trip for a long time and that he may need a bit of extra advice, at least at first. What do you think ? On an escorted tour, the places they'll go to are all very safe. Everyone speaks English, and on a tour like that the most stressful thing he'll have to worry about is what to bring back as a souvenir.My thoughts exactly. TBH, the tour that he's going on is 100% suited to him, its just a whole new ball game for him.

Buy him a call card and print out the time zone differences, so he knows when it's ok to call home. That way, if something really bothers him, he can ring and be reassured. Other than that, he should take a camera and his most comfortable shoes and enjoy himself. Good idea. We've given him our digital camera so that he can take load of pictures without worrying about the printing costs and we're helping hime with his packing (lucky so and so, the weather looks gorgeous :cool:)

Where's he going? Here you go, this is his actual trip I lived in the US for a while and I can maybe tell you a bit more about some of the places he's visiting. (nothing west of Chicago, I'm afraid - I'm strictly East Coast and Gulf Coast )

Cheers SugarSpun, :j you've goven me some good ideas there - any more from anyone else, I'd really appreciate them :beer:

SugarSpun

That looks like an amazing tour - too far west for me to be of any use, but I'm very jealous!

Tell him to wear really comfortable shoes, and always with socks, especially around the Grand Canyon. Sweat and blisters are going to make him miserable.

Other than that, sunscreen and a hat (if he chooses not to wear the hat and his hair's not very thick he still needs to sunscreen his head, even if it doesn't seem that hot).

If it would make him feel better, you could scan all his travel documents and put them in an web based email folder so he can get to it and so can you. If anything gets lost, he can call home and it can all be organised for him.

The guides are probably used to people making their first trips for a long time. I suspect his main problem is going to be widowed women looking to make him their *special friend*, thinking he's in the same position My grandmother lives in sheltered housing, and there's a flutter of excitement whenever a lone man moves in...

debs66_2

Hi murphy,

rather than overface him with lists of to-dos and not to-dos, how about calling the travel company and having a quiet word with them re him travelling alone and his anxiety? If they know about it they may just look out for him a bit more.

my ex FIL and (late) MIL went on a few of these trips some years ago, and while FIL was off and running and, tbh, one of the royal pains you meet on these things, MIL was a quiet, lovely woman who probably felt like she was on her own anyway, seeing as hubby would have scarpered at each port of call (no love lost here for him tho!!!). she poddled everywhere at her own pace, and managed all of the tours as they were well set up. they too had never been to the US before, but i felt they coped better because it was an arranged tour. they made friends and generally saw loads of amazing things they never thought they would see (canyon/vegas etc) had they dared to venture to the states on their own.

the telephone card is a brilliant idea, and perhaps you could just tell him the fundamentals of tipping, which can p*** off some staff if not done. if you do a search, there is a good webpage somewhere that explains who to tip and how much.

other than that i would play it down, other than the excitement factor. the trip is fully guided. he won't be on his own. accommodation is sorted. the trips are geared for the maximum tourist opportunities, so tell him to always have his camera with him, but to not get so stuck behind it that he misses those views in front of his very eyes, because the snapshots the memory takes in the brain are the best photos of all.

where's he going btw?

D

debs66_2

woh, just seen the itinerary. have been to sedona and flagstaff and the canyon, and they are stunning. tbh, sedona is so spiritual, all anxieties will evaporate. he will come back super-charged and ready for you to book up for next year for him. and i think your mum will get dragged on it too, whether she likes it or not!

Murphy_The_Cat

SugarSpun wrote: »

That looks like an amazing tour - too far west for me to be of any use, but I'm very jealous!
The Cats toured around part of the area earlier this year and TBH, I'm quite envious of my Dad going out there this Autumn (jealousy is bad, envious is good - is that right ?)

Tell him to wear really comfortable shoes, and always with socks, especially around the Grand Canyon. Sweat and blisters are going to make him miserable. & if he's taking new footwear, to break it in first !

Other than that, sunscreen and a hat (if he chooses not to wear the hat and his hair's not very thick he still needs to sunscreen his head, even if it doesn't seem that hot). The sunscreen is an absolute essential, as he's a touch thin up there, as for headgear, I'll make sure that he leaves his flat cap at home and borrows a couple of my hats !

If it would make him feel better, you could scan all his travel documents and put them in an web based email folder so he can get to it and so can you. If anything gets lost, he can call home and it can all be organised for him. I've done that and kept copies safe on my computer :beer:

The guides are probably used to people making their first trips for a long time. I suspect his main problem is going to be widowed women looking to make him their *special friend*, thinking he's in the same position My grandmother lives in sheltered housing, and there's a flutter of excitement whenever a lone man moves in...
OMG noooooooooooo.. I have recurring nightmares of that scenario :rotfl:

Murphy_The_Cat

debs66 wrote: »

Hi murphy,

rather than overface him with lists of to-dos and not to-dos, how about calling the travel company and having a quiet word with them re him travelling alone and his anxiety? If they know about it they may just look out for him a bit more.
My Mum & Dad are coming up for their tea tonight and I'll try and get a few minutes with him in his own to try and get to find out where his anxieties lie (its a closed subject as far as my Mum is concerned :eek:) . It could be that he's bothered about my Mum whilst he's away, if so, I can sort that out. I know what you mean about lists about lists, which is of the reasons that I started this thread - I thought that the things that people suggested to me would save my doing multiple lists unnecessarily.
After tonight, if needed, I'll give Titan a quick phone call. I'd considered it, but didn't want to be a complete fuss pot
my ex FIL and (late) MIL went on a few of these trips some years ago, and while FIL was off and running and, tbh, one of the royal pains you meet on these things, MIL was a quiet, lovely woman who probably felt like she was on her own anyway, seeing as hubby would have scarpered at each port of call (no love lost here for him tho!!!). she poddled everywhere at her own pace, and managed all of the tours as they were well set up. they too had never been to the US before, but i felt they coped better because it was an arranged tour. they made friends and generally saw loads of amazing things they never thought they would see (canyon/vegas etc) had they dared to venture to the states on their own.
If it works out as well for my Dad, as you MiL/FiL, I'll be dead chuffed. We're sending him over the Grand Canyon in a helicoptor and he's soooooooooo excited :j

the telephone card is a brilliant idea, and perhaps you could just tell him the fundamentals of tipping, which can p*** off some staff if not done. if you do a search, there is a good webpage somewhere that explains who to tip and how much.
Will do. He's going to be using his credit card for the first time whilst away, so he'll need some help there as well

other than that i would play it down, other than the excitement factor. the trip is fully guided. he won't be on his own. accommodation is sorted. the trips are geared for the maximum tourist opportunities, so tell him to always have his camera with him, but to not get so stuck behind it that he misses those views in front of his very eyes, because the snapshots the memory takes in the brain are the best photos of all.

where's he going btw?

D

Murphy_The_Cat

debs66 wrote: »

woh, just seen the itinerary. have been to sedona and flagstaff and the canyon, and they are stunning. tbh, sedona is so spiritual, all anxieties will evaporate. he will come back super-charged and ready for you to book up for next year for him. and i think your mum will get dragged on it too, whether she likes it or not!

I hope that my Mum is tempted for next year, beacuse at the moment, she has a real downer on the whole thing.

& yes, it looks great, doesn't it ?

Tojo_Ralph

....
A major factor in me being totally comfortable when I am travelling is my travel bag and assuming your Dad will have a similar bag on the coach with him, you might want to consider getting your Dad to familiarise himself with it and its contents as much as possible so that he knows exactly where everything is, i.e. passport, paperwork, pills n potions, juice, sunblock, phone, camera, etc, etc ..... so that he gets used to the fact that whilst he may well be outwith his comfort zone, all he really needs on a day to day basis is close to hand.

mumofjusttwo

Hopwe that your Dad has a great time.

i s it worth your dad using his credit card over here a couple of tie just so that hew can get used to it (although I don't think that they have chip & pin in America)

Maybe also let him have a play with your camera (if he hasn't already)so it will be one less thing for him to worry about.