Help for Mother in Law

Loretta

I think you are doing the right thing finding all the sources of information for her to give her a start, this might be attention seeking. If you give her a list of contacts it should be her who follows them up if she really means she wants to do something, of course of she is able to help herself, from some of the things you have said it may be that she needs professional help. You are some distance away, you have your family to care for and you do seem to be doing all this on your own. She must NOT be allowed to disrupt your daughter's birthday. Maybe if she is seriously thinking of doing this she definitely needs professional help and is really desperate and too much for you to deal with on your own.

Would you be able to speak to her GP or perhaps someone at the surgery to do with the elderly or mental health? It could be that if she is really depressed, it seems something is badly wrong, she could perhaps be seen in some sort of compulsory way, I know it sounds horrible and a big responsibility for you but you seem to be the only person who is considering helping her, it seems your husband is not going to.

When you have spoken to MIND perhaps something like Help The Aged. If someone this age has been the subject of domestic abuse years ago, it may now be mental abuse, there was no help in those days but now it is more talked about perhaps some of these ladies are coming forward for help because they now realise that it is not 'normal' to live this way but because the physical abuse happened some time ago they are not so much an 'emergency' for Women's Aid to deal with but there must be some help out there as her situation can't be that unusual. I think that perhaps a chat with her GP first. Good luck

ohdear_4

I looked on the mind website but they have no offices within a 45 minute car journey from her. She was sectioned about 15 ish years ago, but her family felt so guilty that she somehow got out without enough help.

She didn't suggest going to CAB with her husband, I did after she told me we could discuss it at the weekend so I could tell him the facts, I suggested that she take him there to hear the facts as I don't want to be the baddy. I feel like her asking for help might have been a step in the right direction for her, I think she has tried to play me for the fool and it didn't work.

I called her tonight to see how she is etc, her words were after careful consideration I have decided not to leave as nobody will give me a flat. I told her that she has no facts to give careful consideration to yet and she just said sorry for wasting your time!!

I think she tried to see how far she could push me, the rest of the family do everything for a quiet life, I am not willing to sit by silently as I can see she is not 'normal', they all see her as normal as they have lived with it for 20 years.

The physical abuse years ago was 2 sided, she drank a lot, still does and used to start a lot of it, no blame on either side there. Her husband does everything around the house, cooks for himself (she doesn't eat unless it's tinned rice pudding and fags) he does all the cleaning etc, she can do what she likes.

My husband has called her and uninvited her to the party, neither of us need it nor do all my family.

I can't keep forgiving her for how she treats me, she has tried the nasty nasty approach and maybe now she is trying nicely nicely. I did get accused of being thick and trying to kill my daughter by breastfeeding her! I can't win, just wish I knew where to go for help without upsetting the whole family.

Thanks again and sorry for the maon, it's good to get it off my chest, husband is great but he doesn't quite 'get it'!!

Loretta

If all the family are prepared to accept it, ie. not bother you have 2 choices, you either take it all on yourself, which is not fair or you help arrange someone else to help her ie professional help GP etc. If she was sectioned 15 years ago did you know her then and what she was like? Is she the same this time round?

I think you are right and she is playing you up because the rest of the family no longer react to it, perhaps you could say to her that the only way you can help her is to involve a professional, that is all the help you can offer and then if she is attention seeking she might stop and if she doesn't stop this behaviour she probably does need professional help. If you were to arrange it and she ended up being sectioned they could all blame you and avoid responsibility themselves, perhaps all the family play the game.