Pregnant friend worried

Merlot

I think the husband is shocked, I know I would be at the age of 45.

The husband and wife need to talk this through at length and both discuss all options.

Do not get involved, its a decision for them to make, make no comment and just listen.

(I certainly don't envy your friend, she will be almost 60 when the child hits the teenage years, I wish her the best with whatever decision is made, its a difficult one).

Merlot.x.

clairec79

Many places/doctors are relunctant to perform abortions after 15/16 weeks - unless for reasons such as abnormalities. This isn't to say she couldn't have one as late as 24 weeks but would potentially have to travel (or even go private) she needs to get a scan done to find out how far gone she is to have more infomation, and then decide what she actually wants to do.

Once she decides that she needs to sit down with her husband and talk things through - his reaction may just be a knee jerk one, at this point for a lot of men pregnancy isn't real so abortion seems like an easy way to get rid of a 'problem'. If she wants to keep it, she also needs to weigh up the possiblity of doing this as a single mum if he does decide he doesn't want to stick around and what the financial implications are (both as a couple and single) what they would be entitled to etc.

At her age she does have a higher chance of a baby with a chromosonal abnormality (such as Downs) but they are still in her favour - a 1 in 28 chance (so still 27 out of 28 pregnant 45 year olds don't have a child with Down Syndrome)

milliebear00001

If she's 17 weeks, then she should think about an amnio (if she wants one) now - they are usually carried out between 16 and 18 weeks. The results can take a weeks or so to come back. If she would not consider a termination for abnormality though, it might not be worth having it (the test carries a small miscarriage risk).

She really needs to think about her options (and discuss them with a counsellor). If finances are the only reason she might have an abortion, then I think she may struggle with her decision in the future.

aplegjnf

facingthefuture wrote: »

Friend told me today that she is pregnant...she is 45 with 2 teenage kids and a hubby who has just been made unemployed (they live in town with a lot of unemployment in North England). Her mum has just been diagnosed with secondary cancer (weeks to go) and husband is blaming her for getting pregnant and telling her to get rid!!! She is approx 3 months (doesn't have regular periods). I just let her talk, the poor girl is distraught. I don't want to interfere but feel furious at the yellow bellied hubby for being so pathetic. Problem is they are used to a nice standard of lifestyle so money worries have hit hard.
Anyway is 3 months too late to do anything, please be general, don't give me details because the whole thing makes me ill. What are the chances of the child being born healthy? I am meeting her again on Thursday for work reasons and I don't know what to say. TBH I hope she has it and tells him to sling his hook if he so wants, but she does love him too much to do the latter.I can hardly sleep with worry he is forcing her into something she does not really want.

Im just browsing the site tonight and came across your message. I also think this is a kneew jerk reaction from the hubby. If she loves him they will get through! He's probably just trying to problem solve without even fully thinking this through! Hey, after all, they will egt far more money if they have an under 1 on benefits:p
But seriously, i have known a few parents have children late in life, all fine and have become the joy of the family. Parents are so much more chiiled when they are older.
have alook at 'surprise child. finding hope in unexpected pregnancy' by lesley leyland fields. I looked on amazon and they have some used for less than £2, with p&p less than a fiver.It is written by a lady who got pregnant twice unexpectedly in her forties!
try and support her by trying to like him:o As has been said, you are being a great friend just listening. Hope things are clearer for them soon
BWs
P.

pickle

I would imagine the child would be quite healthy. I'll be almost 42 when I have my second (first is 2 years old) and I've had a dream run with my pregnancies and had amnios with both (done between 15-17 weeks but I'm sure they'll do it a bit later if requested) which turned out to be ok. I'm not the fittest person in the world believe me but manage to keep up ok No worse than any of the younger ones, probably better because I know not to get to bed too late and to stay organised! I guess her husband must be quite shocked as they've raised their family and the prospect of doing it all again for another 20 years plus might be a bit daunting. He might get over it in time though.

ginvzt

We have a family friends, who got pregnant at a respectable age. Doctors though she is going through menopause, until few months later, they realised she was pregnant!!!! The child (boy) was loved so much, he was getting really spoiled by it
Well, he very healthy and clever, went on to study at uni to become a dentist.