Pregnant friend worried

facingthefuture

Friend told me today that she is pregnant...she is 45 with 2 teenage kids and a hubby who has just been made unemployed (they live in town with a lot of unemployment in North England). Her mum has just been diagnosed with secondary cancer (weeks to go) and husband is blaming her for getting pregnant and telling her to get rid!!! She is approx 3 months (doesn't have regular periods). I just let her talk, the poor girl is distraught. I don't want to interfere but feel furious at the yellow bellied hubby for being so pathetic. Problem is they are used to a nice standard of lifestyle so money worries have hit hard.
Anyway is 3 months too late to do anything, please be general, don't give me details because the whole thing makes me ill. What are the chances of the child being born healthy? I am meeting her again on Thursday for work reasons and I don't know what to say. TBH I hope she has it and tells him to sling his hook if he so wants, but she does love him too much to do the latter.I can hardly sleep with worry he is forcing her into something she does not really want.

scottishchick27

facingthefuture wrote: »

Friend told me today that she is pregnant...she is 45 with 2 teenage kids and a hubby who has just been made unemployed (they live in town with a lot of unemployment in North England). Her mum has just been diagnosed with secondary cancer (weeks to go) and husband is blaming her for getting pregnant and telling her to get rid!!! She is approx 3 months (doesn't have regular periods). I just let her talk, the poor girl is distraught. I don't want to interfere but feel furious at the yellow bellied hubby for being so pathetic. Problem is they are used to a nice standard of lifestyle so money worries have hit hard.
Anyway is 3 months too late to do anything, please be general, don't give me details because the whole thing makes me ill. What are the chances of the child being born healthy? I am meeting her again on Thursday for work reasons and I don't know what to say. TBH I hope she has it and tells him to sling his hook if he so wants, but she does love him too much to do the latter.I can hardly sleep with worry he is forcing her into something she does not really want.

I don't really have much advice,(someone with more knowledge in this kind of matter will be along soon hopefully) but maybe it is just a kneejerk reaction on his behalf. The shock of finding out he is going to become a father of a baby again after so long will have knocked him for six. Possibly in a few days he'll come round to the idea.

Paparika

You are being a very supportive friend and thats what she needs right now.

Bless her having so much on her plate atm.

Keep doing what you are doing :T

funky-footprints

she needs to get scanned and find out how long she is. my mil had a baby at 45, and that baby is very healthy. if he doesnt want it, then the strain on thier relationship will be put to the test and she obviously is under a lot of stress already.
mil had a lot more tests due to her age than i did when pg, and im not sure your friend could go through this alone, which is maybe what she will need to consider.

your friend is lucky to have you.
xx

Loopy_Lobes

Firstly, there's no reason why someone aged 42 shouldn't have a healthy baby. Secondly it'll be a big shock for the pair of them and her husbands reaction is probably pretty standard in someone who hasn't planned another baby and who has money and other family problems to contend with.

It sounds like they could both do with talking to some professionals, maybe a pregnancy counselling service to get questions answered about the pregnancy and citizens advice to see what they could be entitled to financially.

I really feel for your friend. I hope she's OK and like the posters above said she is lucky to have you looking out for her.

Hell_Dans_Un_Handcart

She needs to get herself to the GP and talk through her options; only they can know what's available in the area. Problems with the baby can be picked up on a scan, which the GP can arrange, and although chances are higher at your friend's age, plenty of older women have healthy babies too.

I hope she gets the help and support she needs.

foreversomeday

I'm not sure if I have understood your question correctly but I have a feeling you meant it in a different way to how the others have replied.

Are you asking if the baby was born at 3 months pregnant, whether it would have a chance of life, as a basis of making a decision about an abortion?

The earliest a baby has ever been born and survived was 21 weeks, 5 days. This is more like 5 months. At 3 months however I doubt the abortion procedure would be as simple as it would at an earlier stage. I don't know details, though.

24 weeks is the legal limit for an abortion in the UK. I suggest she looks in the yellow pages under "Pregnancy counselling", they have people trained to help her come to her own decision.

Good luck to her, whatever she decides.

milliebear00001

Tell her not to do anything too quick - at three months, she still has time. You can have an abortion up to 24 weeks, but she needs to be aware that after three months the process is not pleasant. At 45 though, she is high risk for chromosomal disorders like Downs. Her chances of having a normal, healthy baby are higher than anything else, but she'll be offered an amnio diagnostic test to check for disorders. She needs to speak to a nurse/counsellor to come to a proper decision (and this is a compulsory part of the abortion process anyway).

Good luck - what a great friend you are.

pickle

If she does decide to terminate the pregnancy which given her feelings is ill advised then the sooner she does it the better for both physical and emotional reasons. How will she cope with losing the pregnancy and her mother though at the same time? It doesn't bear thinking about. I think it would be difficult to make a rational decision given all the stress and pressure she is under. What a terrible situation she is in.

facingthefuture

Thanks for all the replies. You are all very kind people. TBH I just feel a bit useless.

foreversomeday wrote: »

I'm not sure if I have understood your question correctly but I have a feeling you meant it in a different way to how the others have replied.

Are you asking if the baby was born at 3 months pregnant, whether it would have a chance of life, as a basis of making a decision about an abortion?

The earliest a baby has ever been born and survived was 21 weeks, 5 days. This is more like 5 months. At 3 months however I doubt the abortion procedure would be as simple as it would at an earlier stage. I don't know details, though.

24 weeks is the legal limit for an abortion in the UK. I suggest she looks in the yellow pages under "Pregnancy counselling", they have people trained to help her come to her own decision.

Good luck to her, whatever she decides.

Thanks, I was really just wanting to know would it probably be born healthy. I know abortion is an option for HIM but I would hate for him to effectively force her into it, I think she wants to keep it. He told me this morning she is 17 weeks, she wasn't at home (avoiding him) and he was sat drinking beer. I did tell him what thought of the way he is behaving:mad:.
Dear goodness, when do they do those amnio things? Thing is she may not want to do one anyway (I didn't myself) and I know there are children with downs in her extended family whom she loves to bits.
So do you think it (abortion) could happen right up to 24 weeks? Dear goodness, that is so late...awful. I hope she can keep it...poor thing. It puts my problems in perspective.

ginvzt

facingthefuture wrote: »

<...> and husband is blaming her for getting pregnant and telling her to get rid!!! <...>

I find that very upsetting - it is as much his fault (if you can call it that way!!!) as his!!!!! It is man who is always fertile, woman can get pregnant only at certain time during a month and they still blame women for getting pregnant

As for your friends, just be with her. I think she needs a friends. The best you can do is not judge, just listen out and support what ever she decides to do...