Christening advice please!

owsaboutthatthen

I split from my partner nearly 2 years ago. We have two children together who haven't yet been christened. They are 4 and 2. I am not a religious person and don't go to church or anything. I have just found out that my ex and his g/f who he left me for have had a christening for their baby about 6 months ago (their child nearly 1). He has no faith either but I think she and her family are Catholic and my ex's mother is too. My father is Catholic but my mum isn't and I because I have also come from a split family home (since I was 3) I have never been religious neither has my mum. I was left to make my own choice about my faith and that is the choice me and my ex decided for our children.

I will get to the point in question......is a christening important for my children regardless of faith and if so, what happens about the father being there/not being there etc etc? I just feel that we spoke about christenings after our first child was born, but I was suffering from depression and couldn't in my mind organise anything at the time and my depression was made worse during my second pregnancy and things like that were the last thing on my mind. I have since recovered from my depression and have moved on since my relationship ended, but feel there are still issues regarding this and feel a bit let down that my ex hadn't told me he'd had a christening for their daughter when he still supposed to be my friend and things are amicable!

Sorry to waffle on but any advice would be appreciated in this instance. Thanks in advance.

funky-footprints

to be truthful, reading your reply,to me it has nothing to do with his christening his 3rd child and not his first 2, but more so that he has moved on, and has done something without telling you. sorry thats how i read it.


you say you and your ex decided to let your children decide thier faith,which is what you are doing ?

i personally dont see why he should have to tell he he is having his 3rd child christened.

Are you saying that you now want your 2, to be christened ? ?

a christening in answer to your question, i personally dont think is important, it is a personal choice, my 3 have been christened, as I was. we are not overly religious however we just thought it important that they were.

if you are now considering having them christened, im not sure of the state of play with regard to having your husband there, but if as you say, you have an amicable split and are bringing your 2 children uptogether, then he has a right to know,as i expect he will want to be involved in the day.

x

Mojisola

If you do not belong to any religion why would you want your children christened? As part of the ceremony, you have to promise that you will bring the children up within that faith - are you willing to make that committment?

As your ex did not feel any need to get your children christened then it's probably come from his new partner. I would stick by your decision to let your children choose for themselves when they are old enough.

owsaboutthatthen

The point I am trying to make without sounding defensive is that it appears his principles have gone out of the window by having his 3rd child christened which is why he felt the need not to tell me - yes it has nothing to do with me and I have moved on too - however it is a case of "after everything we've said..." kind of thing. Anyway it is probably his new partner who has instigated proceedings etc on this occasion. Christenings have always been a mystery to me in that I was christened when I was about 9 or 10 and always wondered why it was left so late in the day when everyone else had been. I now know the reason why and it was to make my own choice whether I wanted to be or not due to the divide in my parents' religion. I have no hang ups about religion whatsoever and don't want it to come across in that way. I just merely wanted to know what other people's opinions were on the whole christening thing in general. Thanks.

funky-footprints

i think we all change as we get older,and in a new relationship he may have a different insite into it, obviously heavily influenced by his new partner. I wouldnt say he has thrown his principles out of the window ? ?

xx

owsaboutthatthen

Wouldn't you funky? Maybe my outlook on this is all wrong then. I think I will go with what I've always thought and wait til they are a bit older when they understand the situation.

margaretclare

When you ask for a child to be christened - baptised - you are asking for him/her to be received into God's family, and you are also committing yourself to bring up him/her in a Christian family according to Christian principles. If you can't/don't want to do that then it seems pointless and hypocritical.

There is no upper age-limit for a baptism if a person is old enough to ask for it, in fact my DH was baptised and confirmed in his 70th year, having changed his religion from the one in which he was brought up, and I don't just mean changed between different branches of Christianity. He felt it was important, and in fact the service for adult baptism includes the words '...and I ask to be baptised'. Therefore, not being baptised as a baby because of non-believing parents, is not the end of the world. A person can be baptised at any time. However, growing up in the modern world, where shopping or leisure-time activities are what people do instead of church attendance, a child is not exposed to any form of belief and any contact with believers - this is the saddest thing, and this is where, perhaps, a welcome into a church community is a starting-point.

However, your point of view about what your ex and his new partner have done is really irrelevant. People do move on and change their views, change their perspective.

notlongnow_2

OP I know exactly where you are coming from. I have 2 boys from a previous relationship and a 14month old from a new relationship. None are christened. I am not bothered about getting them christened, I dont see the point.

I do think in your case its a little strange that your ex had new baby christened but not the other two.

I always feel that I never want my boys to feel 'different' to their half sister for whatever reason and to christen one child and not the other two, to me, just wouldnt be right, especially if I didnt follow a faith like you say your ex doesnt, so what would it matter to get them all 'done' at the same time. And to keep it from you I would also think strange, especially as you say you are amicable.

My sister is now hassling me to get them all christened as she says they wont be able to marry in a church (but if they follow no religion...so what??) and that if anything happened, the they wouldnt be allowed to be buried in church grounds. I have no idea how true this is.

I dont think your post is about not moving on at all. I understand where you are coming from and will follow your post with interest.

owsaboutthatthen

Maybe because I don't know enough about being christened without going into depth and speaking to people, I'm not sure of what is expected of me and my ex as parents when we are non-believing. And the point about him and his new partner is that i'm wondering if he has become a believer and whether it is going to change his opinion on our children now. I haven't spoken to him about it and like I say as a single parent is it now my choice or do I still have to consult with him about their faith etc etc? Maybe an issue that feels important to me isn't so important. It is helpful to me however if your opinion can be expressed without feeling the need to criticise the possibility of me not having moved on because I have. It is merely about the fact of what he said with me and what he believes now. Hope you understand.

owsaboutthatthen

notlongnow wrote: »

OP I know exactly where you are coming from. I have 2 boys from a previous relationship and a 14month old from a new relationship. None are christened. I am not bothered about getting them christened, I dont see the point.

I do think in your case its a little strange that your ex had new baby christened but not the other two.

I always feel that I never want my boys to feel 'different' to their half sister for whatever reason and to christen one child and not the other two, to me, just wouldnt be right, especially if I didnt follow a faith like you say your ex doesnt, so what would it matter to get them all 'done' at the same time. And to keep it from you I would also think strange, especially as you say you are amicable.

My sister is now hassling me to get them all christened as she says they wont be able to marry in a church (but if they follow no religion...so what??) and that if anything happened, the they wouldnt be allowed to be buried in church grounds. I have no idea how true this is.

I dont think your post is about not moving on at all. I understand where you are coming from and will follow your post with interest.

Thank you!

McKneff

I was brought up in the Catholic faith and now in my middle age i realise what utter twaddle and brainwasing it all is. Using some common sense helps.

Saying that i still respect those that do believe and would never put them down for their beliefs. (by the way - we were told that you couldnt marry if you hadnt been christened and could be christened before marriage) i dont think this happens today and regarding the burial side you could not be be buried in consecrated ground if you had taken your own life. I think this is still the case today.