I've made a rod for my back and I need to break it

RoxieW

At four she's old enough to understand the word no - just explain to her that becuase mmmy gets tired at night time too she will only be having one story from now on. Then stick to it! If she cries/screams etc do the controlled crying method - ie going back at ever increasing intervals - just saying 'its time to sleep now. goodnight'. It'll work within 2 nights I'm sure!

Gingham_Ribbon

I think she's been used to your company until she falls asleep and that you should be gentle with her. You need to stick to your guns, but reward her in some way for staying in her bed.

She's old enough to appreciate a sticker chart for this, so that's what I'd do. Big, colourful chart, let her pick her stickers then tell her for every night she stays in bed once you've left (or only gets up once) she can have a sticker. Then when she's got 7 stickers she can go swimming/go to a play centre/having a friend for tea/get a Cbeebies magazine whatever would encourage her.

Make sure she knows you're close and answer her if she calls you but don't go in to her. 'I'm right here but it's time to sleep now. We'll do something fun in the morning.'

Good luck. x

Ishtar

We had similar issues with DD - she'll be 4 in December. We kept her in with us until she was well over a year old and it took us a while to get her to settle in her new bedroom. I used to read her a story then say goodnight, but then I'd have to sit in with her or else she'd scream the place down.

What I did in the end (thanks to one of the Supernanny programmes) was to sit next to her bed until she went to sleep and then, over a period of about 2 weeks, gradually move closer to the door. During the time I was sitting with her I ignored her completely. Eventually I ended up on the landing with her door almost closed. She didn't worry too much after that, although we do have the occasional night where she will not go to sleep until very late - she stays up in her room playing!!

I hope you manage to sort it out.
D.

Reggie_Rebel

I'm in the audio books camp

onlyroz

8pm sounds about right for a toddler bed-time. That's been my son's bedtime ever since he could consistently sleep through the night. Any earlier and there just isn't enough time in the evening for dinner, bath, bit of TV, evening milk, storytime etc. Any later and I feel like I've got no "me" time left in the evening after he's gone to bed.

sarymclary

I think, if your family routine will allow it, that going to bed a bit earlier would help. My 2 youngest boys (8 & 10) go to bed at 8pm, and have half an hour quiet time, when they can listen to a story, read a book, or watch a 'nice' video, like a disney film. Nothing loud or too excitable. I have only this past year brought the bedtime up from 7.30, and before that it was 7pm.

At your DD's age I would have followed your routine of bath/quiet time/story, and then when I was leaving the room I put on a Bob the Builder tape (before that it was Teletubbies) with a story and songs that lasts for about 15 minutes. It's enough time to get them properly relaxed for bedtime, and they often fell asleep before it ended.

I would speak to your daughter, as she's old enough to understand about you needed your own time, and getting tired too, and explain that when you leave the room, you are getting ready for bed too, so you can't go back in. If she makes a fuss, or comes out of her room, take her back, with as little talk from you as possible, other than to reaffirm that she needs to get back in bed, you love her and you'll see her in the morning. It will take a battle of wills, but you will win because you're the grown up!

Be consistent, never give in, because it's like snakes and ladders, and you'll slide right back to the start if you do, and all the hard work will have to be done all over again. If you can get help from your OH to take her back it may help, and make sure you are both in agreement that neither of you will give in, and back each other up all the time.

Good luck, I know it can be pants while it's going on, but stick with it, and it can improve quite quickly. Maybe buy her a music tape/CD suitable for the job, and the sticker charts are always sure fire winners for my kids (even the teenagers still respond)!

whatatwit

Is your daughter starting school soon, that may be an ideal time to start a whole new routine.
You may find that she is tired and settles quicker after a day at school.

djtonyb

well I read 2 small stories and then put on audio book I gave her a kiss and said good night then left. We then had 45 mins of screaming hysterics:eek:.

I went back every few minutes and said good night. It wasn't easy. All she kept screaming was that she was 'worried about me' cos I wasn't beside her.

I hope tomorrow night is a little easier

inaspin_3

I agree with Onlyroz! I find that all kids are different in terms of how much sleep they need. My dd is only 5 months's old and her bedtime is 8pm, her Dad gets home at about 6.15 so I cook tea while she has a little play with Dad, then when me and dp have eaten she'll have a bath, book, feed and bed. If she's grumpy/tired she'll go to bed earlier but this way she gets to have a bit of time with her Daddy. She sleeps from 8ish to 7.30-8am (still waking up once or twice), she has two 1-2 hour naps in the day so 8pm is fine for her. She's in a really nice routine now. As children get older they don't tend to need naps like my 5 month old, so people think they should go to bed earlier. But at the end of the day, your not going to keep them up if they're tired. It's prob best to keep her in the same routine at night time even though she's not got nursery the next day that way she knows what the score is and you still get your well deserved evening! x

melancholly

hope it gets better - maybe tomorrow the screaming will only be for 30 mins? you are doing the right thing for her so while she's having the full tantrum try to remember that (if you can even hear yourself think!)