I've made a rod for my back and I need to break it

djtonyb

My DD is 4 and I'm a first (and last) time mum. Yes I thought I knew best and didn't listen to all the snippets of wisdom being passed my way and I'm now paying the price:o

On the whole she is lovely, we have the occasional tantrum, but who doesn't. My problem is bedtime. In the beginning I fed her to sleep :rolleyes:and that in turn became reading her to sleep.

I now want to limit her to a couple of stories and let her amuse herself to sleep. This is my problem. I read her her stories and then say I'm going into my room to 'do something’ or go to the 'loo'. She will then start to shout on me and ask when I'm coming back. Although I do go back, it then becomes a battle with her not wanting to be left alone, crying, etc.

How do I break this cycle, so that I can get some of my evening back???

[FONT=&quot]Our routine is dinner, quiet play, bath, stories in bed and sleep. As it is the holidays, she is allowed to stay up a little later as she is not up for nursery. Bedtime is approx 8pm.[/FONT]

Sarahsaver

You have answered your own question!
You know what you WANT to do you just have to stand your ground and DO it

BTW I think she is going to bed too late. My 7 year old goes to bed at 7.30/8pm.

mykidsmum_2

I had this problem with my 3yr old, all kids are different but this worked for us, our daughter loves lazy town and so we made a lazy town star chart and if she went to bed and stayed there with no tears etc, she got a sticker, when she had a weeks worth of stickers she got the lazy town duvet set. Worked a treat! if there is something she would REALLY like, she'll be concentrating on getting that sticker, remember to praise, praise and more praise if she manages to settle herself. I also don't change her routine, if i can help it, wether or not its hols. The main problem we have is getting the lazy town cover washed, dried and back on the bed in one day lol.
good luck and try not to get too stressed (remember lil ones have a knack of picking up on mums stress and playing on it!)

Becles

You're going to have to be strict for a few nights until it sinks in that you are not coming back. At the moment her playing up gets you to go back, which is why she is doing it.

Do the normal routine with bath, stories etc., then firmly say it's night time and you are going now, then get on with whatever you want to do.

If she throws a tantrum and comes looking for you, put her back to bed with no fuss and firmly state it's bed time now and you don't want to see her again until morning.

It'll take a few nights but once she realises she can't win by getting you to come back again, she'll accept that when you say goodnight, she has to stay in bed.

Good luck!

galvanizersbaby

Hello

I've been guilty of this bedtime thing in the past with my 2 (4 and 5 year old)
They share a bedroom at the moment and I've found after stories they then want me to stay until they fall asleep - I'm a single mum and I was finding very little evening left so I broke the routine by going out of the room after stories and I had tucked them in and kissed them goodnight - at first they both kept getting up but I just kept putting them back and explaining how it was their bedtime.
We had a few battles and it took a couple of weeks but their routine is now changed - if they are good going to bed all week at the weekend they take it turns to choose a video to watch before they have to go to sleep as a treat.

I don't think 8pm is too late for bedtime - in the holidays/weekend I put them to bed at 8pm maybe a bit earlier when it's school but if I put them to bed much earlier they would be up at the crack of dawn - think all kids are different in this respect and need varying amounts of sleep

Good luck - you just have to be firm and determind x

bestpud

djtonyb wrote: »

My DD is 4 and I'm a first (and last) time mum. Yes I thought I knew best and didn't listen to all the snippets of wisdom being passed my way and I'm now paying the price:o

On the whole she is lovely, we have the occasional tantrum, but who doesn't. My problem is bedtime. In the beginning I fed her to sleep :rolleyes:and that in turn became reading her to sleep.

I now want to limit her to a couple of stories and let her amuse herself to sleep. This is my problem. I read her her stories and then say I'm going into my room to 'do something’ or go to the 'loo'. She will then start to shout on me and ask when I'm coming back. Although I do go back, it then becomes a battle with her not wanting to be left alone, crying, etc.

How do I break this cycle, so that I can get some of my evening back???

[FONT=&quot]Our routine is dinner, quiet play, bath, stories in bed and sleep. As it is the holidays, she is allowed to stay up a little later as she is not up for nursery. Bedtime is approx 8pm.[/FONT]

I would make it very clear to her that you are going because she needs to go to sleep and that, while you are around, you are not going to be back to read more stories or spend time with her.

At the moment, it seems she thinks you have just popped off for a minute but will be back for reading time to resume in a short while?

Sometimes you have to be explicit about these things and I would explain it before bedtime personally. Make a deal about the number of books and stick to it. Don't be fooled into debating what is a story either! You can tell I've been here can't you?

It will very likely be difficult for a few days, but once she gets the message, bedtime will get much easier. It really is as easy as deciding how you will deal with x, y and z, and sticking with it (the latter is that hardest part but the one that reaps the best reward!)

When I am in situations where giving is seems the easier option (in the short term at least), I try to step back and tell myself it is better in the long run to not have the battle at all, and the only way to get that is to take control now. It gives me renewed energy to stick with it anyway!

tattoed_bum

hi ,i had the same trouble with my 5yr old ,its hard but please try to persevere it took a us a fornight of screaming and tantrums in the evening but it was so worth it in the end he now goes to bed no problem at 7.30 i have kept to this time all through the summer as i find he is grumpy if he doesnt get a full 12 hrs,

start with leaving her scream a little bit longer at a time and dont speak to her when you go in to her ,it feels a really heartless thing to do but it does work in the end.
also try cutting down the amout of stories you read to her maybe just one .

sandra_nz

I think you need to give your daughter a bit of notice about the change. I know it sounds silly, but in the morning you say 'Starting tonight, mummy is going to read you two stories and then Jane will go to sleep. So tonight you can choose whichever two stories you'd like mummy to read. How many stories is mummy going to read tonight? Two, that's right!'

and keep repeating it during the day: "How many stories is mummy going to read tonight before Jane goes to sleep? That's right, two! Two stories that Jane gets to choose."

Then at bedtime you remind her yet again "How many stories is mummy going to read tonight? Two, that's right! What's the first story?" then "OK, so now it's the second story then Jane will go to sleep. What is the second story?" then "That was a lovely second story, now it's time for Jane to go to sleep. Night night Jane."

OK, so that sounds really stupid typed out like that, but hopefully you get what I mean!

sealady

sandra_nz wrote: »

I think you need to give your daughter a bit of notice about the change. I know it sounds silly, but in the morning you say 'Starting tonight, mummy is going to read you two stories and then Jane will go to sleep. So tonight you can choose whichever two stories you'd like mummy to read. How many stories is mummy going to read tonight? Two, that's right!'

and keep repeating it during the day: "How many stories is mummy going to read tonight before Jane goes to sleep? That's right, two! Two stories that Jane gets to choose."

Then at bedtime you remind her yet again "How many stories is mummy going to read tonight? Two, that's right! What's the first story?" then "OK, so now it's the second story then Jane will go to sleep. What is the second story?" then "That was a lovely second story, now it's time for Jane to go to sleep. Night night Jane."

OK, so that sounds really stupid typed out like that, but hopefully you get what I mean!

That is very good advice what you could also do is either read her a story but possibly put a audio book/story CD on for her once you have finished reading to her.

gairlochgal

Yes I also suggest audio books. There are loads of good ones available, and you get the knock on effect of improving their vocabulary, familiarity with classic children's literature etc. When my big one was about 4 she used to listen every night to Joanna Lumley reading 101 Dalmations - her lovely voice used to make me want to drift off to sleep, let alone my daugher! I buy the sets when they come up cheap on the Book People - picked up a huge set of Just William recently.

LilMissEmmylou

just wanted to say i know somebody said 8pm might be too late, but my DD ages 20 months goes to bed at 8pm. Any earlier and id have to be up at a silly time. She wakes up at 7 - 7.30 most days. it really does depend on the sleep the child needs Good luck with the problem x