Really desperate for advice can someone help??

needtobedebtfree_4

I really some some advice but dont know who to ask and as its almost anonymous on here i will try here. I have 3 grandchildren who are age 5 ,7 and 9 my daughter is seperated from their father and he has drug convictions, she is also a drug user and i have just found out she is now dealing drugs from her family home. the children are seeing people call at the house at all times of the day and night to call for their drugs. I know that sometime soon someone will let the police know and they will call at the house. I am just so scared what will happen to the children. Will they get taken into care straight away or will i be able to say i will have them live with me. No point telling me to talk to her she wont listen to anyone its just an easy way for her to get money, i just really need to know if the police bust the house when the children are in what will happen to them, will i be able to have them with me straight away without social services taking them. sorry for the babbling just really desperate

hassie

Ah love can't give you any advice but wanted to give you a hug.What a dilema for you, take care ,hassie xx

arthur_dent_2

A late friend of mine was able to gain custody of her grandchildren in similar circumstances. It sounds cruel but you may do as well to go to social services yourself and try and obtain care through them.

NAR

I totally agree with last poster - tell social services yourself. The children are in a potentially dangerous situation and you will never forgive yourself if something happens to them and you haven't acted - a case of being cruel to be kind.

knowsleyroader

Don't wait for the police to put the door in and have the children witness it and have all that trauma caused to them. Go to your local police station and tell them what she is doing (although I bet they already probably know) and ask them to let you know what day they are going to put the door in and make sure you have taken the children out of the house on that day.

needtobedebtfree_4

thanks for your advice so far but i have been to social services many times in the past and have to say they have never been very helpful. a couple of quotes from previous attempts were

just because her house is dirty and she likes to sleep and doesnt get them to school on time doesnt mean she is a bad mother

she is being quite sensible in just dropping the children off at your house and then disappearing for days on end without anyone knowing where she is as she is not subjecting the children to her erratic lifestyle


All I really want to know is if they do bust her which i know they will. Will they allow her to ring me and for me to go and collect them and not be carted off somewhere where no one knows them.

Thank you for your advice though i really do appreciate it and thank you hassie for the hug

shell_girl

What an awful situation for you. There is a potential child protection issue here and if you make a report to social services they have a DUTY to investigate properly- I personally would go back to SS and demand that they acknowledge your report and then ask them to investigate. Have a chat with the NSPCC helpline as well- they will be able to advise you better on the relevant legislation which you can then quote to social services. Unfortunatelt the majority of SS departments are massively overworked and under funded and have a tendency to wait for a crisis before becoming involved. Best of luck to you.

arthur_dent_2

As far as I am aware, they will rehome among family when possible. The cost to them is less than foster care and so on. When you see this sort of thing on the telly they do seem to be able to ring someone to arrange childcare.

oystercatcher

Big hugs for a horrible situation.

I'm pretty sure that social services would prefer to place the children with family if they could. If you've already contacted them then there will be records of your existence and I'm sure they would be in contact.

It might be worth having a word with the children and telling them that "If anything happened to Mummy you know you could stay with me. " So if there was an unexpected event of any kind they can tell whoever is in charge of them that they can go to Granny's house. Maybe make sure the older ones know your address and phone number.

It's not ideal at all but social services do seem to be more lenient on drug users now if they can prove that they are still giving good care to their children. I think there's just so many drug users and so few care places.

Friends of mine had a similar situation in their family and the child didn't go into care until the mother actually decided for herself she wasn't coping. Then they tried to place him with family but sadly that didn't work either. Such a shame.

Oystercatcher

Firefly

Awwwwww, !!!!!!!!!!{hugs}}}}}}.

You know that this situation will occur. Can you pre-empt it by suggesting to your daughter that you have her children now? Would she agree to that and is it something you want to do?

Social Services are caught between the devil and the deep blue sea at times and are damned if they do, and damned if they don't. They can't take children away from parents at a whim and the best place for any child is with the parents, even when the parents don't have the same ideas about parenting that Mary Poppins has. The implications of removing children from parents is well documentation in research and everyone will be loathed to do that if the children are not at risk, or the risk can be appropriately assessed to be low. It's a balancing act and at any time that children we care for are involved it becomes a highly emotive subject, so sometimes, we aren't able to be objective and step back to consider the bigger picture. (general comment, not specific to OP)

However, you clearly have your grandchildren's best interests at heart and I would urge you to make plans now with your daughter. Talk to her if you can but also talk to one of your local drugs family support helplines. They may have more specific advice.

Kinship care, or fostering with relatives, will be an option that social services will be very pleased to consider. It has very beneficial rewards for children needed care.

It is never too soon to think about the future and I wish you well.

lostinrates

Firefly wrote: »

Awwwwww, !!!!!!!!!!{hugs}}}}}}.

You know that this situation will occur. Can you pre-empt it by suggesting to your daughter that you have her children now? Would she agree to that and is it something you want to do?.

This is what I would suggest too. For very different reasons some very young relatives came to live with me for a while. Nothing was done officially, but it meant the children were clean, fed, warm and loved. They saw theitr parents often and are reunited with them now. It was not an easy decision, and I think sometimes their parents forget how desperate things were at the time and feel manipulated, but thats ok by me now that they are all back on their feet and together. Perhaps if you could take the kids out if they are hungry and unclean rectify that and then get your daughter to se them somewhere else...maybe take them out for supper, and suggest you have them for a short while.