Depression Support Thread

feelinggood_2

Hi All.

Sorry for absence.

Got a bit of news. Not sure if its good or not. I'm going crazy so needed to talk to someone.

I'm pregnant. 12 weeks. Its not my husbands. We're trying to decide what to do, and its a pretty tough time.

I thought I was only 4 weeks, but had a scan today. 12 weeks. Can't believe it.

Argh.

geminilady

feelinggood wrote: »

Hi All.

Sorry for absence.

Got a bit of news. Not sure if its good or not. I'm going crazy so needed to talk to someone.

I'm pregnant. 12 weeks. Its not my husbands. We're trying to decide what to do, and its a pretty tough time.

I thought I was only 4 weeks, but had a scan today. 12 weeks. Can't believe it.

Argh.

Hi feely,I am sure you will make the right decision for you.There is always someone to talk to on here.Try not to panic and look at all the options,have you told the father? obviously you have to discuss things with your husband but it is your body and your baby so make sure watever you do is your decision.

Amber_Sunshine

FG, sorry I don't have internet at home at the moment, so am not around much to offer support ... a complicated decision, to be sure, but as Gem says, your body and your baby ... do you have other children?

Amber_Sunshine

And I just want to grab post 1000 ....

Tulip

:hello: Everyone,

Hope all is well,I am fine today having a relaxing evening tonight and going to watch Casualty later

Have a lovely evening!

*hugs* to those that need one

love and light,

Katie xxx

Amber_Sunshine

I am off home now, the library is closing soon.

No idea what I am going to do with the evening, I have no friends and no money ... I am sooooooooooooooo bored .....

shazrobo

hi all, been a tiring day, took both lads shopping and spent a small fortune lol, including lunch at subway.
bought myself a lovely new top to go out in on weds, only going to cinema, but looking forward to it very much, get butterflies whenever i think of this lad that i going with. am flatttered that somebody like him fancies me lol
hugs all
shaz xxx

Tiff_2

Hi guys!:hello:
I hope we're all feeling in fine fettle today? Anyone got anything nice going on today?

Autumn seems to have arrived with a bang - we had gale force winds here yesterday and there's been torrential rain since about 4a.m. today. The season's saving grace will be the beautiful fireside colours of the autumn leaves...until you slip over on the wet ones! In which case, please call Tiffys-Lawyers-Fur-You to purr-sue any accident claims. Just sign this contract and send me a large fee up front!
Never mind peeps, there's still fun to be had... gather together the biggest pile of leaves you can and - !

Right then - no-one was here at 5a.m. so the smartie cupboard is now locked and I shall now go and endeavour to post something useful.
Tiffy hugs to all!
Much Love,
Tiff xxx

LadyMorticia

Heya lovelies.

Fg - *hugs* to you. Make the right decision for you. *hugs*
Many hugs to everyone else. I'm having a bad day today...and it's only 8:57am. =/

xx

Tiff_2

Hi fg!:hello:
How are you feeling in yourself hun? Let's have a look at your post...

fg wrote:

Sorry for absence. Got a bit of news. Not sure if its good or not. I'm going crazy so needed to talk to someone.

fg wrote:

I'm pregnant. 12 weeks. Its not my husbands. We're trying to decide what to do, and its a pretty tough time.

I thought I was only 4 weeks, but had a scan today. 12 weeks. Can't believe it. Argh.

That's quite a quandary fg, and I can understand why you must be in a state.

Firstly, congratulations hun. I know you've not been feeling that you're in a good stable situation for a long time sweetie, but we can't always choose when these things happen. Let's break this up a little and see if it helps...

It must have been a huge shock to you and no-one is expecting you to have all the answers now. You're still going through the rollercoaster of emotions regarding becoming pregnant and also with your relationship situations. You're fully entitled to be upset and scared fg and it's quite natural given the circumstances. It's important to be able to make decisions when you're a bit calmer and you have all the information.;)

I think you have to separate the two issues basically hun - the baby and your relationships. Any decisions about either of your relationships must be separated from decision about the baby in the end, because you are the one carrying the baby and you will probably be doing most of the parenting.

The baby...

It's not what you want to hear I know, but you must give yourself some time to adjust to the situation before you make any important decisions. Don't let anyone rush you into anything without having explored all of your options thoroughly.

And remember, you're not the first person to be in this position and you won't be the last, hun.

You've done the right thing by getting medical care for you and the baby - that's your first priority! You have to put yourself and your health and the baby first, and you must not be pushed into anything.

The good thing about telling your gp everything about the situation is that they will be impartial - so please don't be afraid to talk to them honestly. Please don't make any decisions until you've spoken to all the professionals.

I am not a professional and I am not expressing a view one way or another angel, but in my humble opinion, your first decision is a vital and very sensitive one and will involve deciding whether to go ahead with the pregnancy. You really need professional advice hun. Your gp will be able to arrange various kinds of free counselling for you, either with or without your husband, as well as explaining your options to you and referring you to other professionals.

Having children is a life-changing event angel and you have to consider your own mental and physical health as well.

If you go ahead with having the baby, be reassured that somehow you will manage no matter who you're with or whether you're a lone parent. It's hard work regardless, but wonderful too.

There will be lots of support available for you and you won't go through anything alone, whatever your decision is, fg.

Here are a couple of links regarding pregnancy hun, which I hope may help either you or someone else, though I can't vouch for them personally.

The Family Planning Association offer some free information and services.
http://www.fpa.org.uk/information/dontpanic/index.cfm?contentid=70

http://www.nhs.uk/Planners/pregnancycareplanner/Pages/General.aspx

Brook Advisory Centres provide free and confidential sexual health services and advice for young people under 25. Brook is a registered charity.
http://www.brook.org.uk/content/

The relationships...
Does your husband know that you're pregnant hun? Does he know that it's not his baby?
Are you absolutely positive that your husband isn't the father?
Have you told the man you believe to be the real father, that you're pregnant?

I'm guessing that if everything goes ahead angel, then the best thing to do will be to have a DNA test done in order to be certain.

If the other man is the father then in my humble opinion, he should be told if he doesn't know already. This is because your baby's health might one day, God forbid, rely on knowing who the real father is - especially for things like transplants, transfusions etc, where your husband's body might not be compatible with the baby's biology. For such reasons it's best, I think, that the other man knows about the situation too and some may say that he has the right to know too.

Your consideration here needs to be about who you love and who you will be happy with. It has to be about your happiness because the baby's happiness depends on it too. You have to be brutally honest with yourself angel, about your feelings for these men. We can't just hope that having a baby will necessarily make either relationship a better one - there's no guarantees of that, which is why it's how you feel about the two men that's important. It's your life hun.

To discuss your relationship issues fg, RELATE is a nationalrelationship advice charity, who can provide counselling.

http://www.relate.org.uk/

I'm sure you're getting loads of support on here, hunnie. I really hope my advice has been impartial - I wouldn't judge anyone here.
The best thing you can do hun, is to get in touch with your gp and accept any help they offer you. They're the ones who can give you all the information and support you need to make your own decisions.

I hope something here was useful to you fg. Give yourself some breathing space and some 'me-time' and please be kind to yourself, hunnie.
Much Love,
Tiff xxx