Thinking of leaving

M.E.

I wonder if anyone else has been through similar.
Daughter has finished officer training and is part way through the next phase. She is not wholly enjoying the actual work in the course, but her main unhappiness is with her peers. They shun her and she acknowledges that she is different from them. She is less gung-ho and mentally more mature than them. She works hard but in their eyes doesn't join in the "playing hard" part ie boozing and sex.
Ranks junior and senior to her respond excellently to her, it is just her peers that she has difficulties with.

She is thinking of packing it in and taking up something like teacher training.
She would certainly be a good teacher.
Ultimately it is her choice and we would support her whatever she did, but we wonder if there is someone else who has been through the same and can give some advice... even if she doesn't take it!

Alias_Omega

Not everyone can get on in life.

Always people who dont fit, wont fit but thats life. When out of the training establishment its time to make yourself what you are.

Though, if you want to get on in life, sometimes you need to 'screw the nut' / 'play the game' etc..

minirolo2004

Totally agree with the above poster.

Training is always different, because you are around a similar age group and not everyone shares the same interests.

How long does she have in training? Once thats complete you experience the 'real' services which I personally found much easier to adapt to.

:cool:

Furey

ive never changed my personality in order to fit in with the army. im good at my job and work hard, but i have always been left out because ive got strength of will not to bend into their personality mould. i have to say, she is always going to find it hard but will have to try a real unit or else always wonder what it would have been like. ive rarely enjoyed my time in the army and am very happy at the prospect of leaving soon, but its something i had to try and im a better person for it.

Cat695

To be honest thats what will make her stand out from her peers

As a SSgt and 17 years behind me i've seen many officers pass through our camp gates and from my experience, its always good to have an officer thats a good laugh.....but its always better to have an officer thats good at thier job

She will stand out from the rest of them which will make her go that little bit further....i'm one of the few guys that doesn't really drink and i hate football....so i'm a massive outcast...but i really don't care...there are many other people that will be like her shes just got to find them.

Tell her to stick it things will change especially when she gets her next rank....why give up a career just because of a few idiots...every unit needs idiots because it means the rest of us don't have to do many duties

jannerXI_2

It would be a shame for her to leave before joining a regular unit and giving the real job a go. As has been said: training is very different from reality. However, her peers will be the same (ish) so it may be that she will find herself better suited to a different cap badge such as Int Corps or ETS?

Murielson

Training is only the first element of her career and she will experience much more in the various positions to which she is posted.

I finished my military career as a WO1(ASM) and worked with a variety of officers both good and bad. There is room for all types and she should not let what is going on around her now affect her future career just because she is not the same as those within her training group.

Take any group within society, whether in a training environment or not, and put them together in an intensive environment and you will get many different reactions and personality traits showing through.

The 'play hard' syndrome is how most youngsters let off steam but not all. Those around her may actually look at her with admiration for how she behaves but feel the need to fit in with the others within the group.

Bottom line is that if she really wants it she should stick it out. The military is a great career and there is plenty of room for all types and I am sure she will fit in no problems if she works hard and thinks of her people when she actually gets in post.

Penel0pe

I went through a very similar experience in basic training and it made me miserable. However, I decided to stick at it and ignore the fact that I was surrounded by silly girls with absolutely no self respect whatsoever. I was always brought up to have respect for myself and I was really the only one in my Flight who did. These girls hated me for it but I did not let them change me because I knew that they gave me a hard time for no other reason than them feeling ashamed! I took great satisfaction by hearing what all the lads said about them after they'd slept with them and it wasn't complimentary, I can assure you. They certainly didn't want a second date.
Unfortunately, that side of things doesn't change when you leave the training environment, however, you are less dependant on a single set of people and are free to a certain degree to go your own way and follow those who are like minded.
I would stick in at it because you will have the last laugh. I certainly did.

spamalot

I wonder if anyone else has been through similar.
Daughter has finished officer training and is part way through the next phase. She is not wholly enjoying the actual work in the course, but her main unhappiness is with her peers. They shun her and she acknowledges that she is different from them. She is less gung-ho and mentally more mature than them. She works hard but in their eyes doesn't join in the "playing hard" part ie boozing and sex.
Ranks junior and senior to her respond excellently to her, it is just her peers that she has difficulties with.

She is thinking of packing it in and taking up something like teacher training.
She would certainly be a good teacher.
Ultimately it is her choice and we would support her whatever she did, but we wonder if there is someone else who has been through the same and can give some advice... even if she doesn't take it!

I agree with penelope, in that she should not be afraid of treading her own path. I went through a similar situation in officer training in that they (being the training establishment) kept trying to tinker with my personality to fit the mould. I struggled for a long time until I realised that I was my own person and that I trusted my own judgement. Funnily enough it was this boost in self confidence that led to me turning a corner and actully graduating in the top 3 of my intake. That was nearly a decade ago and my career has gone from strength to strength, being promoted ahead of a lot of my peers.

So I would say that she needs to develop the confidence to be herself, not matter what anyone else thinks. Without this then I would suggest that she considers another path as she will only ultimately make herself unhappy.

I would also say that whilst you need to follow your own path, you do need to be able to be able to function as part of a team, especially when on operations, as isolating yourself will only make it harder. THis does not mean she has to get drunk or have sex to fit in,but I would suggest that she trys to find ways to intergrate without compromising her standards. Likewise if this is not possible for her I would suggest she considers alternatives.

I hope this is not seen as being harsh, but realistically if she is not comfortable in that environment then this will only serve to make her miserable in the long term which could compound the problem. She will need to do some serious soul searching.

Hope this helps

Lottebear

To be honest my Uni experience was simliar, I would tell her to stick at it and in time people grow and change, for a while she will just have to please herself, it is worse when are away from home, but I sure she can do it.

new2civvystreet

I had a rubbish time at Cranwell, biffed off for most of it and only managed 26 weeks of Initial Officer Training before it was time for a med board and I'm due to be de mobbed soon. However, I did struggle with the lifestyle, usually due to my unwillingness to get absolutely blaggered of an evening or engage in naked room (you can't get away with naked bar at Cranwell).

I did spend a few months in a rather lovely officers mess at RAF Waddington, where everyone living in the mess was out of phase 2 training. it was completely different and I never felt under pressure to live the 'party lifestyle', same thing when I went to Shawbury for a bit. At Waddington you could drink as much as you wanted or as little. As long as you actually went to the social events/drink down the bar/night out in Lincoln, people didn't care how much you drank/if you got naked (which no one did anyway. I really would encourage your daughter to stick at it if it was me. People on her course just probably haven't gotten out of the IOT mentality yet.