I don't know what to do to help my friend

Hardup_Hester

I'm not suggesting your friend should tell her son to 'buck his ideas up' but when my OH is depressed I give him a list of jobs to do each day before I leave for work, ok it may be a very short list, it may only be empty the dishwasher & hang the washing out, but it does at least mean he gets out of bed & because I ask, not order, he feels like he's helping me & that in turn makes him feel better. Sometimes it gives him the incentive to do more, sometimes he still doesn't get out of bed, but most times he does.

sticher

Sounds very much like my Ex to be honest. I have to say that he only really stopped being like that (as much anyway) when we split and I stopped doing everything for him. Now he has to do his own washing/cooking etc he has also started going out with new girlfriends. He still drinks alot though. Maybe your friend does too much for her son? He needs to be given more responsibility for his own life - at the moment it sounds as if it takes any effort he doesnt bother.

With regard to the mattress - she will be wasting her money unlesss she covers it with a totally waterproof protector. He wont change overnight.

Mrs_P_Pincher

I think you have hit the nail on the head Sticher. When he split with his GF his Mum took him back open ended. She doesn't charge him market rate board so he can save to get somewhere for himself, but he doesn't save and he doesn't pay his board on time. She does all his washing and ironing, cooks his dinners and he stays in his bedroom drinking and smoking dope...

I wouldn't've bought him a new mattress, even though he is supposed to be giving her the money for it. I would have let him go to the shops and get and pay for his own, and sort out the delivery.

As an 'enabler' of many years standing (previous OH was depressive, anxious and alcohol and prescription drug dependent) I see all sorts of warning signs here. At this rate the prodigal son will still be at home when he's 40.

I've sent him the form for referral to the mediation service and told him where to send it. Up to him now.

Thanks to all for their support.

Mrs P P

marcus45

The man needs help.. not putting on the streets.. its a bad situation i know but try to get her to see a family doctor and explain tohim whats going on or social services are helpful ? good luck