Reaon for divorce petation not right ...what can i do ?

fairenough786

Hello all,

I have been separated from my wife since almost 3 years now & have been married since 5 years. we have been frendly and have thought of working out the divorce amicably. about 2-3 months ago, we had a slight argument and she told me that she will fill the divorce papers out and she put in the details/particulars/reason for divorce. She put that my alcohol consumption was high and i was mentally abusive for which her son (now 16 ys old) left the house (to live with his dad).

i agree i had alcohol problem 5 years ago but i was NOT mentally abusive or what so ever, & i also do not agree that her son left coz of me coz we have been separated since almost 3 years now and her son returned back home just 14-15 months back coz her felt suicidal at his dads house (she told me so yesterday)

we have a 3 year old boy in common and everytime she feels defeated, she hangs up the fone and i long to see my son. i dont know how to tackle her & these divorce papers ? though i dont have a problem with signing them but its not true wat shes mentioned or atleast i dont agree. I cannot afford a solicitor though i hav full time job with tons of debts. I have been told that if i signed the divorce petition, with the reson she has mentioned, then in future, God forbid, if something happens to her and she dies, i shall NOT get my sons custody,based on alcohol consumtion grounds, which was 5 years back.

all i need is, when she asked me some months ago what reason do i put, i said just put anything, put i had affairs or just put anything but she ended up putting the reason alcohol consumption which was 5 years back.

i spoke to her yesterday, she does feel she was wrong in putting that reason but she says well, the damage is done. & she also said that if she dies, her mom and daughter (now 14 yrs) will be more than happy to look after our child...thats ridiculous...so what about me, the childs dad ?

if she causes me damage, i too need to do the same. what can i do ?...the court has given me 7 WORKING DAYS...WHICH FINISH ON 26-AUG-08

pls advice urgently as i have very less days o respond !!! ...i cant believe i feel like a sword is hanging over my head...

Hardup_Hester

All you can do is stat that your alcohol problems are behind you & that your ex has exagerated things. The courts must be aware that this happens, my ex told the courts that I'd worked as a hooker during our marriage, but they ignored it.
Hester

celyn90

Have you tried asking her nicely to amend the petition to cite two-years separation with consent? That way there is no hassle for either of you.

If she's filed for unreasonable behaviour, you might want to point out that you are supposed to do that within 6 months of the last incidence of unreasonable behaviour happening.

Don't worry about having seven days. If you don't return it, all that happens is she has to get a court officer to hand it to you in person; then you should reply.

If you can, make an appointment to see an advisor at CAB. They should have a list of family law solicitors in the area; most of which offer a free initial appointment. As there is a little one involved, I think it would be worth chatting to a professional.

www.wikivorce.com might be worth having a read through.

fairenough786

i spoke to her and told her that our divorce was supposed to happen amicably but what is this ? & we spoke further...then she said well, the damage is done..i have already written it down. so neither me, nor (i think) she knows that it can be ammended.. the court has send me the child arrangement papers and the papers that she filled out for divorce (the petition)...

many many of my frends said that if you are apart/separated since almost 3 years the courts dont even want to know the reason, but i dont know why she kept on asking me what reason she needs to put down & she also told me that, on fone, they told her that there HAS TO BE SOM REASON....im just fed up of this woman...

will try the CAB out..but im not off till next 9-10 days. ..if not..i will just not sign the papers AT ALL. NEVER !.. what do you all say ??...

Initially i didnt not want any costs as long as she took the divorce costs and she also dont pay, she is on income support but now is she harasses me..how about the property ? or assets ?...the property has been on her name day 1 and i was never on the mortgage even ?...what happens then ?...1 of my counsellor frend told told me that no matter if the property i on anyones name...they are still matrimonial assets & are divided finally...

pls advice...thank you

Giraffeseeker

She doesn't need to put a reason down, she can simply cite 2 years seperation with mutual consent to the divorce.

You can, however, state on the petition that you do not agree with the allegations and that the allegations are untrue, however you consent to the divorce based on the fact you have been seperated 3 years. That gets you the divorce without admitting her allegations. The court will let it through on that basis, happened to my OH.

Try www.wikivorce.com if you need more help.

EDIT to say you probably will need a solicitor to help you sort out the assets. If she has a child they'll usually be split 60/40 in her favour but there are LOTS of reasons why this may be different in your case. Get legal advice - she will be as she's on income support - or you may lose out in the long run.

fairenough786

thx tintingirl and all

i seriously cannot afford solicitors as i have lotsa debts and slowly paying'em off. i cannot afford a solicitor & at the end of divorce if i get zilch, i will be doomed, i will even have to pay the court fees which even if i sell myself it wont pay...just dont kno what to do. she assured me that i wont have to pay a penny that why she put in the divorce ppers but with untrue allegations...

my brain dont seem to be working...

i do not want a penny from her assets, im honestly saying that but if she can tell me not to worry her mom and her daughter can very well look after our son if she dies, that means she intentionally put the reason for our divorce on alcohol consumption... thats why in retaliation im trying to cover the assest bit also..

celyn90

It can be amended easily. There is no reason why it should go in like that when you had agreed on an amicable split.

As far as the assets go, it doesn't matter what the reasons for divorce are - they won't be looked at when the assets are divided. It also doesn't matter whose name things are in, they will be considered assets of the marriage and should be divided accordingly. Arrangements for the children should be decided between you.

tintingirl is right - you can send back the petition stating that you don't agree with the reasons, but you admit the marriage is broken down.

You have time, go to CAB when you have a day off. Even if you only get 30 mins with a solictitor for free, have them check the arrangements for children.

fairenough786

thank you guys..

where i only work night shifts it makes it hard to contact the CAB as im asleep during the day...but am off 2moro night...will call them and see if they can make urgent appointment it will be good coz am back to work next night.

I went to see my son 2 hours ago (for 20 mins) and my ex asked me i wanted to take some dinner to work coz she had made a dish for all of us (including me)...i refused !! 1 totally unpredictable woman !!!

im sorry i should be asking these questions to CAB or solicitor but am really not sure if i can fix an appointment with them sooner...I was wondering what happens if i dont sign the papers at all, as if i do not want to giv divorce. what happens then ? Can she still get divorce without my concent ?...what do i loose in that situation ...

thx

Paparika

I don't want to put a dampener on things but you say you were never mentally cruel to her.

OP in your words what would you say mental cruelty is.

Watching your hubby knock back the booze and take all that goes with it can be.

would she ask you to stop and would you answer in a bad way?
when you were drunk, how did you feel about your wife?

and then you made a comment, if she causes me damage, i too need to do the same.............. Why? if your looking for pity on here that was the last thing you should of said, this isn't a game of he said she said. Perhaps she really felt you had.

Your reputation, who's actually going to see the petition, your work mates, your boss, your new girlfriend (if you are dating again) your bank manager?


My ex denys to this very day that he was mentally cruel to me, but unfortunately he was and he tried to bully me to change the petition, threatened to hit me again.

End of the day it's unfortunate that the marriage is over, but your wife wants a divorce, what gain is there for you to delay it, this my friend is mental cruelty, control etc. Let her go and get on with your life,

celyn90

fairenough786 wrote: »

thank you guys..

where i only work night shifts it makes it hard to contact the CAB as im asleep during the day...but am off 2moro night...will call them and see if they can make urgent appointment it will be good coz am back to work next night.

I went to see my son 2 hours ago (for 20 mins) and my ex asked me i wanted to take some dinner to work coz she had made a dish for all of us (including me)...i refused !! 1 totally unpredictable woman !!!

im sorry i should be asking these questions to CAB or solicitor but am really not sure if i can fix an appointment with them sooner...I was wondering what happens if i dont sign the papers at all, as if i do not want to giv divorce. what happens then ? Can she still get divorce without my concent ?...what do i loose in that situation ...

thx

In my understanding if you don't sign the papers at all, she will get the divorce in the end - once the papers have been formally served by the court baliff, then you are deemed to have seen/recieved them. If you don't reply to them at this point, she can apply for her decree nisi. If you carry on ignoring it and don't return them or file an answer, the decree nisi will be granted on her grounds. You can, at this point file an application to "file an answer out of time" with the court which will delay it, as they are usually granted, but it wouldn't stop it completely. All that is likely is that you will both end up with stupid levels of costs (take it from someone that's seen this happen). There is no point in delaying it like this. The legal processes exist for you to have your say as they exist for her to have hers.

I can see you are angry, but I think you need to calm down and work with her - no matter if you think she is unpredicable or not - to find the best solution to this for you son. Swallow you anger and talk to her calmly; if it doesn't work at least then you can tell the court you tried. Use this time, if you can, to prove that you have tried your hardest to find a way through that is best for your little one. Noone can see clearly through anger. Your son should be you main priority at this time.

Have you considered mediation? I would think the courts would like to see this in cases where children are involved.

fairenough786

Hi paparika...

Its very unfortunate that you stumbled upon this thread... u said what u had to..hope u feeling better now ? i do accept ur concern.

By the wayi i forgot to mention, my culture is totally different. In my community we accept gay or any type of people. I made 2 frends and they happen to be gay & I was taunted by her saying why dont u get ur gay frends & use our bed, just coz she dont like gay people. Is that my fault, Iam a very straight man but its no sin being frends with gay people.

- being chucked out of the house 4 times in 2 years..just coz i hadnt been in the uk long and she knew she cud do anything just coz i didnt kno the law..
- being called a M F'er when she liked...how Lovely...
- even when our son was born and if we had slight argument over the fone i wudnt be allowed to see my son. i'd call to beg her can i see him, she wud say, can u see him 2moro she is not feeling well...

paparika...u just have no clue...forget a GF but in 5 years of me being in UK i hav not made a single frend...NOT 1 FREND...coz everytime my fone rang she thought it was some !!!!!!...she didnt know that not everybody is a !!!!!!.... Just coz her husband cheated on her for some other girl, am i to blame...? is that my mistake ? i did try to accept that it not easyfor her, i cud understand but i dont understand anymore...

paparika...u have no idea or clue mate..if u want the whole diary of what she did, when, why & how...i can post it...

cheers