Me or her?

Dumyat

you sound like you are both at war, instead of on the same side fighting the enemy. its not about being right or wrong, you need to find a compromise somewhere.
and I'm not sure this is all about money, forgive me if I'm wrong.
you sound very unhappy and almost resentful about your business failing and having to work in a factory. She sounds like she is resentful that money was "wasted" and her goals in life have been changed too.
have to say your comment about her topping up your debt management payment is strange to me. surely even if you have separate accounts, like we have, the family budget is the family budget.
please before you even consider adding a child to this sort out your relationship.

Horace

Maybe your girlfriend is feeling guilty because she did the accounts and could see the way the company was going and did nothing to stop it. Mind you, without wanting to sound harsh, this is a lesson learnt never mix business with pleasure.

As you bought the caravan then you should sell it and put the money towards your debts and the same goes for the car. As others have suggested post your SOA because we may well be able to help you cut down in other areas thus saving money.

Your girltfriend needs to be sensible with regard to her need to have a baby - she should see that it is obvious that at this present time having a baby isnt viable financially. As she is so determined to have a child make sure she doesn't trick you into having one when you are not ready.

Good luck.

beanielou

Have you factored in tax credits for after your GF had a baby?(If she has one!)

dorisday

seems to be a lot of stress here both for yourself and your partner. Wouldnt it be better if you both sat down pen and paper in hand and concentrated on the next year without a baby!! You both need to understand that the situation you have been through is pure stress and it leaves people feeling worthless and sad and angry and im sure many more feelings could be added to these.
You do need to be working with the same goals in mind, or another way is to forget about the future for the time being and concentrate on the here and now, get by a day at a time. The baby thing - well how about leaving it for a short time but both have a date in mind where you could say ok lets go for it, but do make sure you are both happy about it. It would be something to look forward to somewhere in the near future.
Just give yourselves some breathing space and time to heal over the financial traumas before going for the sleepless nights and the joys of course.
My heart goes out to you both. God bless x:A

popularfurball

Cerisa wrote: »

perhaps she is annoyed because as an accountant who did your books, she saw you spend large amounts of money on a car and caravan, yet you are saying that children are too expensive. So essentially she feels you think having a new car is more important than the two of you having a child together.

This is a classic example of men are from mars, girls are from venus - Obviously this is a generalisation of sexes, and I apologise to whoever it doesn't apply to! However, there always seems to be variation in money spending between sexes. Petty yes, but I make sandwiches etc to take for lunches, cook all the dinners at home, eat out rarely etc etc, because I live off £475 a month (inc rent and everything). However the guys I live with buy... a can of coke... a sandwich... a paper... etc etc. And when they say "I have no money" I think well hang on your working full time, I'm studying. I find it easy to plan ahead for cost cutting for meals, but they guys I know find it near on impossible - perhaps if she is frugal she see's silly things being bought which could have been avoided? In her eyes everything that isn't saved, moves the kids further away.

Also, why does she want kids so much? I can't wait for them, but its important she doesn't think they are an answer to relationship problems or because she thinks it will get you both out of trouble.

Perhaps, instead of getting the sandwich out, or that drink or that chocolate bar, keep the change and put it in a pot at home to show you are trying? Or do some "thoughtful" things (i'm not saying your thoughtful), but sometimes its simple things that can bring you closer. If I am down or worried about things, I tend to distance myself from the world, and this always ends in marriage. Perhaps just make her a card or buy her some heart shaped sweets or something - cheesy yes, but leave them out for her when you go to work with something telling her you love her - perhaps she needs some reassurance that it will be ok??

I don't know... Sorry. So many thoughts. But think I should stop writing!!

Anyway, good luck