Help just found out my wifes got cancer

Stephb1986_2

Hi John im so sorry to hear of your sad news. Treatments are getting better and better everyday look at how Patrick Swazey is right now even though they said he only had 3 months to live he's gone back to work!

My OH's grandad has a brain tumour and they've only just found it. They said he's had it for about 11 years its just been slow growing, but he will see christmas and that was in april.

We've had quite a few people in my family that have had cancer, 1 aunt with breast cancer, 1 aunt with lymphona cancer, 1 uncle who had bowel cancer but by the time they found it, it had spread through his body and he did die.

I also have a customer who has/had breast cancer she is now looking alot better and her hair is growing back, it did look like the worst was going to happen but its not.

But please don't give up hope Im sure everything will be done to help her.

Chin up hun if you need to talk just pm me

take care, stay strong

thinking of you and your wife

Steph xx

TomsMom

Dear John

I too am in a similar situation to you. My OH was diagnosed with an incurable form of lymphoma in June. Prognosis is 2 - 4.5 years, possibly 5 years if he is lucky. I can understand how you are both feeling and the shock.

We all deal with this type of news differently and I can only tell you how we are dealing with it.

Hubby knows he will probably not reach retirement age and he has set about making things as easy as possible for me when it's time for him to go. He is enquiring about his pensions/insurances and sorting these financial things out so that it is as simple as possible for me - or someone else on my behalf - to claim these as quickly as possible. Savings accounts are gradually being put in joint names where possible so that I will have access to enough money without having to wait for banks etc to release his money if in his single name.

We are actually in the process of moving house at the moment and the new house has to be renovated, everything possible will be done to make it as maintenance free as possible, and done to a good standard, so hopefully there wont be any major works required in the future.

These things are from the perspective of a man leaving his wife behind and sorting out the practicalities. Obviously it will be different in your case. Not everyone will look at it like we are, some may think it even "cold" but he has always been very protective and wants to make sure he does everything he can to make it easier for me, which is lovely and amazing, and he wants to do it.

As far as his treatment is concerned he has a very positive outlook and is determined to go further than the time he has been given.

I don't know whether the unit treating your wife is the same, but the unit treating hubby is wonderful and they have a nurse specialising in complementary therapies, paid for by donation not the NHS, and whilst in for treatment patients can have massage, reflexology or other treatments the nurse thinks will help. These treatments are for patients' partners too, the reason being that the diagnosis affects families as well as the patient.

There is also a social worker attached to the unit. If there is one where your wife is being treated it would be worth speaking to him/her, I am sure they will be able to help and offer advice on all kinds of things - practical and emotional.

I can understand you are in total shock at the moment, as we were, and my thoughts immediately were "How can I manage without him, he is my right arm, he's always been there, I can't function without him, I don't know what to do". We have been married 40 years next week. However, two months down the line the reality has sunk in, we cannot change anything so are dealing with it in our own way. I know that hubby has longer than your dear wife has been given but when you get over the initial shock you will find ways of dealing with this news and work out ways to make the most of the time you have left. Make the good days count - do something you both love doing even if it's only a drive in the countryside or a couple of days away - and on the not so good days sit and talk and enjoy the moment.

It might be an idea to talk to your GP about how you feel as well, I am sure he/she will want to help all he can.

When help is offered, by friends or family, do accept it even if it is only to talk. People will want to help where they can because you both mean so much to them.

One mistake I did make at the beginning was to be over-protective. I was saying "You can't do this because you are ill, you can't do that, etc." It took me a while to realise that I was denying him the pleasure of doing certain things that he was actually capable of doing and wanted to do. I've backed off now that I've realised the he will only do as much as he knows he can manage (but still keep an eye open as I know he will push himself just for me )

Sending you both hugs and special thoughts to help you cope at this difficult time.

tazz233

Hugs to you and your wife. I was in your position 2 years ago- My mum (50 years old) was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and given 6 months, she lived 19 months. So please don't give up without a fight!

You have had some great advice- Definately use your Macmillian nurse and make sure you get everything you are entitled too. I would also add that it is worth getting a second opinion regarding treatment, I heard recently about the latest clinical trials in london for bowel cancer- Its worth trying.

wheretheresawill

Very sorry to hear your news. As you have bipolar disorder I am sure you are aware of the need to look after yourself and keep stress and change to a minimum. Keep an eye on your mood etc and dont be afraid to ask your doctor for extra support during this difficult time

sandy2_2

Life isn't always easy is it, in fact it can be b… difficult at times, but you have to cope or crumble, so choose to cope and before you know it things may be turn out better..
No matter what we do we can't always prevent bad things from happening to good people. Things are tough right now and you may feel you're all alone but please don’t think that no one cares or that you’re on your own, I know you have many friends here who can offer support.
There will, of course, be times when, unfortunately, no amount of optimism can change the situation so cherish the time you have left together and try and take things day by day Hugs to you both

consultant31

I am so sorry to read your awful news. My lovely Dad was given just a few weeks a year ago now and we all still miss him every day.

One good thing though is that, like we were, you have been given some time together in which you can make some very special and very loving memories. Not everyone has this and when the end comes they have lots of regrets.

Now is not the time to wallow in fear - get out as much as your wife can and enjoy as much of every day as you possibly can.

The Macmillan team are wonderful and I'm sure will give you as much help and support as they possibly can. They will also make sure that your wife will be as pain-free as possible too which will take some of the worry from you both.

My thoughts are with you both.