am at my wits end

louise35_2

hi my grandson has lived with me since he was 2 him now being 15 he was taken away from his mother by the social services as he had been badly beaten and spent 2 weeks in hospital at that time the social services said that he could come to us or be fostered out and we couldnt see that happen so he has been with us since, i must add that it wasnt easy at first as he had a lot of emotional problems to begin with and it seems that he still has them. his mother didnt have any contact with him no birthday cards, xmas presents or the kind until about 18/20 months ago thats when all the problems started, him playing the fool at school........but at home being fine.....in fact as good as gold. then solicitors letter from mums solicitor demanding more contact,until march last year he took of in the night to go to his mums he was at hers for 6 weeks got in with the wrong crowd started drinking and smoking dope, came back to us in may went back to mum september and through his own choosing came back to stay with us if february of this year everything was fine him going to air cadets and not doing anything else really only on his computer all the time untill the last day of the school term, and have only seen him once since then.

Amanda65

Blimey he's really been through the mill hasn't he/ Thank goodness for loving grandparents who have given him a stable life so far.

I assume that his mother is your daughter (?) and cannot believe that she would disrupt his life so badly - what is it they say about needing a licence for a car but anyone can become a parent!

Fifteen is a tough time - girls have more physical hormonal changes but I think sometimes we 'forget' that boys go through the same emotional traumas, just not quite so obvioulsy. I have no real advice other than to keep the lines of communication open and take comfort from the fact that he does appear to have seen sense in the past and come back to his safety net.

However having said that, when he does come home this time -and I have no doubt that he will tire of this 'free' lifestyle and return back to you - you do have to somehow make him realise that he cannot keep putting you through this and that if it continues you will assume that he has made his choice. Harsh but he is old enough to know that his actions have consequences.

And finally - have you tried Parentline? http://www.parentlineplus.org.uk/ They have a helpline and lots of practical advice and support on their website.

Stay strong and know that whatever is happening now, he has had a fantastic 13 years with you and some of that will have stuck!