I need to scream!!!!

lita

I have no idea how to start this so im just going to type what is going through my head!
I am so !!!!ed off with my OH for not supporting me in giving up smoking. I have just had my first cigarette since 5pm on monday.
We were supposed to give up together, he carried on smoking all monday night and most of yesterday, we had words and he stopped. Over the past 48 hours that i have not been smoking he has done nothing but wind me up and obviously due to trying not to smoke i have been a miserable !!!!!!!!

I have a history of depression which every now and again flares up but i have learnt how to control these episodes. I will admit i have always had a very bad temper but only if provoked hence my problem. Thanks to him winding me up and me having controlled my temper for 48 hours i have just had a cigarette to stop me from lobbing something (never been violent towards anyone other than myself years ago when i didnt have control) as it has built up inside until i was ready to explode.
I am sooo angry right now for letting him get to me and for ruining the good work i had put in over the last 48 hours but it was either that or do damage to something. I just really needed to write down what i was feeling before exploding so thanks for reading!!!!

davetrousers

The path to a goal is seldom straight and uncomplicated. Just make sure that you keep heading in the right direction.

sooz

Ignore him. You need to stop for you, & he needs to stop for him. You can't force him into it.

Everytime you want to smoke, I found it would help to put £5 or so aside (into a jar/piggy bank etc)

At the end of a week spend that money on something nice for you. I just went for a fabulous 2 1/2 hour manicure & pedicure. And whilst I was there, I thought it's been ages since I last did this, and yet 3 years ago, I would have easily spent that money in 2 weeks on fags.

lita

thats an excellent idea! The only problem is im on ssp at the moment and haven't got a spare penny to my name which is one of the reasons for giving up.

sooz

Don't know what ssp is...

doh...sick pay?

doesn't matter. Each fag is about 25p right? Start small. It will build up

CB1979_2

how come you managed to have a cigarette if you have given up/

remove the temptation if it's in the house!

anyway no big deal having 1 cig is there? you 've had 1 in 48 hours, how many would you have had if you hadn't "quit", i'm guessing it's a fair bit less.

just start again from now on.

most people who diet, have a little hiccup/blow out day every now and then, no real harm in doing it yourself as long as it stays a one off.

basketcase

Well done on your first 48 hours!
I've got a bad temper (if I choose to lose it) too, but d'you know what? I'll probably sound really petty for saying this but if anybody was winding me up to 'make' me lose it and and turn back to a habit I'd not do so to spite them!

Instead of losing your temper, channel the anger into being determined not to let him win. It's a positive way of dealing with a fault, I find.

I'd also do what the others suggest - every time I didn't light up I'd put some money - even if it was just a few pence - away. Then, when I'd saved enough, I'd do something just for me (manicure, new top, meal with friends, whatever). Again (cos I'm not very nice ) I'd then say "You know, not smoking's great! I'd never have been able to afford xxx if I was still smoking."

I know. I'm evil...

basketcase

Well said, CB1979!

bestpud

You, and only you, can make yourself give up. And YOU made yourself have the cigarette, not your OH! Likewise, if you'd thrown something instead, it would have been 100% your responsibility!

If you can make the mental switch between thinking someone else has the power to make you smoke or not, and taking responsibility for you own actions and future, you wll find it much easier.

It matters not a jot what your OH is doing - this is about you and what you can achieve. You can't stop him smoking and he can't stop you giving up!

Basically, stop blaming others for something that is in your hands only and you will be fine!

Good luck with it. I don't know of a single ex-smoker who regrets giving up.

lita

i didnt say he'd made me smoke i said i was annoyed for letting him annoy me which is what made me want to smoke which of course i did of my accord but if i was absolutely raging mad at him i wouldnt have needed to have one

bestpud

lita wrote: »

i didnt say he'd made me smoke i said i was annoyed for letting him annoy me which is what made me want to smoke which of course i did of my accord but if i was absolutely raging mad at him i wouldnt have needed to have one

I know what you are saying.

But you wouldn't actually be mad with him if you had accepted his decisions have no bearing on yours? You became more and more mad with him because he carried on smoking and didn't support you, but that was because you decided it would be no good unless he did this, this and this.

If you saw his actions as being seperate from yours, you would be less inclined to worry about whether he is smoking or not. You don't need his support - you can do this! Have confidence in yourself! It would be fab if he supported you but you can manage without it.

As others said, if you feel yourself getting annoyed, channel it differently so it benefits rather than hinders you. I know this is much easier said than done though! My ds always goes for a long walk or bike ride if he starts to lose it, and it seems to help him - maybe that is worth a try for you?

Tbh, I'd be like others and sheer bloody-mindedness would prevent me letting him bother me that much! But that's me and we're all different I guess!