Desperate Housewife and New Mum

Olliebeak

Sarahsaver wrote: »

.........If/when you get visitors tell them you need them to bring something or do a little job for you. People often ask 'is there anything i can do' but few of us say 'YES'.........

Can I second this suggestion, please! Please DO NOT try to be 'supermum'. Your little darling is part of 'a family' - so never refuse an offer of help, no matter what it is.

If you're breastfeeding and someone volunteers, let them put the kettle on, do the dishes, switch the washing machine on. If you are busy with chores, let them cuddle/change/talk to baby.

The suggestion of baskets at the top and bottom of the stairs, from desperate housewife, is brilliant. I always used to leave things on the stairs in little piles, and woe betide anybody who went up/down empty-handed - usually ex-OH!

The idea of an insulated mug is brilliant! Don't think I drank a full cup of hot coffee for about 10 years! Another bonus of the cups with lids on is that, once they are toddling, they can't dunk all kinds of delights in your cuppa :eek: - oh the joys of soggy rusks, biscuits, toast, crayons, dog biscuits :rolleyes:!

One of mine was very colicky and we spent ages every evening walking around the garden waving to the birds, talking to the flowers, pulling his daddy to pieces etc! You feel a bit of a fool the first time, but it soon becomes a great way of diverting them from the gripes. Amused the neighbours no end to see us patrolling up and down the garden twenty or so times! Mind you I missed out on Coronation Street for quite a few months :undecided: lol.

Katgoddess

Thanks everyone. DS is nearly 3 months so I'm hoping the colic will end soon. He is starting to have a few more good moments so there is hope.

The bolognaise was good. I left it on in case OH wanted some warm when he got home but I fell asleep so came down on Sat morning to a very well done portion. I put it in the fridge so I'm hoping it will be ok to eat...

Went out for a curry on Sat night and a pub lunch on Sunday plus MIL brought over some prawn cocktail and an apple crumble as well. So I'm not feeling malnorished at the moment.

Plans for this week are make some flapjacks because the ones from the shops are so hidiously expensive and I need oats for milk production. Also make a batch of chilli con carne. I don't mind eating the same meal 3 days in a row, I don't know about OH. Tough.;)

purpleivy

FOr this time of year, I like no fuss...new potatoes hot, salad, coleslaw and corned beef, ham, cold chicken or similar.

My midwife gave me excellent advice all those years ago.... you're making me feel old, dd is now 18. She said that the best thing was to get dinner started as soon as you could after breakfast. That way you wouldn't be thinking 'oh heck! OH will be home in 10 mins and there isn't anything ready!)

Also to get showered and 'done' asap so you aren't still in your jamas at lunchtime.

My elderly neighbour (in her 80s) at the time gave good advice.... put her out in the garden in the pram. Or in her cot... if it's time for a nap. Of course she will cry... that's what babies do if they like being cuddled. She'll drop off and if she doesn't it doesn't matter. It made me a lot braver about the whole putting down thing.

Years later I wondered why a neighbour still sat with her ds (6!) until he fell asleep!

melt71

Hi Kat,

Just wanted to add my 2 penneth worth!

My 2nd daughter is 4 months old today, she is also a devil child and has completely flumaxed me, OH and all the 'officials' (HV, docs etc).

She basically didn't stop crying for the first 8 weeks of her life. She had colic, chronic wind and digestive problems, she had neck & back trauma from the birth (v.long labour, failed forceps & then a c-section), she was then diagnosed with acid reflux.

Basically I feel your pain!!!

She's better now than at the start but she still has days when she only sleeps for about 12 or 13 hours in 24 and she can cry for England.

My OH works shifts and is out of the house for about 50 hours a week. Therefore I've changed my pattern of doing things; I don't expect to shower in the morning now, I shower before bed.
I have to have 'ready' meals in the cupboard/fridge or I don't eat! I have ham, cheese, cottage cheese, tuna, beans etc with pre-cooked pasta or crackers, bread etc.
I don't go out everyday but I plan to meet a friend or go to a mum & baby group once a week. It's hell of a lot of effort if she's not in the mood, but it's worth doing or I get frustrated being stuck in the house under a pile of washing!
I hoover when she is awake as she likes the sound of the hoover.
I move her chair into the garden when I'm putting the washing out, she thinks this is hilarious!

Lastly and no doubt I will get flamed for this but here goes - if my LO is screaming and is unconsolable, I put her in her bouncy chair with the vibrate on, put CBeebies on and turn it up until you can hear it above her screams! This attracts her attention but I then have to gradually reduce the sound until she stops crying. Works nearly every time.

She loves the colours on the tv, as much as I don't want her to become a telly addict, sitting in her chair & watching tele is sometimes the only thing that makes her happy!

Some babies loved to be held and some like to be rocked/moved. Ours loves movement - if the car stops at the traffic lights for more than a minute, she starts crying again!!!! so the vibrate on her bouncy chair is ideal if you cannot use a sling for any reason.

Don't be afraid to let your baby cry, I have to be very careful with mine as she doesn't 'cry herself out' like some babies, she just gets even more upset and quite often makes herself sick. But as long as I'm there and I can pick her up when this happens, I'm happy to put her on her mat, in her cot or in her chair. She's got to learn that I cannot hold her 24/7! I have to say, this is one thing that has massively improved from the early days when I literally couldn't put her down at all without her screaming.

As time goes on you will learn lots of tricks of how to get through the day with as little stress as is possible with a demanding baby. If my first baby had been anything like this one, she would have been an only child :rotfl:

Good luck, you're doing great. Just look after yourself, get as much sleep as you can and make sure you have some 'me time' every couple of days (doing the housework does not count as 'me time' as I recently pointed out to OH!!) and it will help you to cope better. You'll feel like you are coping better if that makes sense.

Sarahsaver

Ooh dry shampoo is a godsend! i used to have to wash my hair every day but now it's every other day which in itself is an excellent timesaver;)

donny-gal

Katgoddes

Have you thought of asking your MIL for help? She cooks you a gorgeous roast (your words) each Sunday, so you must be fairly near and seem to get on with her. She may be dying to have your LO for an hour or two while you either get on with things or rest, but not wishing to upset you by intruding.

She could just come round and get him to sleep or watch him, take him for a walk in the pram/pushchair while you do some jobs, or even ask her how to cook something, if you do not want to let the LO out of your sight, but she seems to have managed to make a decent job of rearing DH?

Go on give it a go, ask if she has any spare time, and watch her face light up? She may be dying to spend more time with here new grandchild. The worst she can say is no, and probably not nastily.

Forget the pride, that will not get you eating the right foods to BF the LO.

DG

taplady

hi Kat - goodness this thread has taken me back - my baby is 16 now:D and my eldest is 18.
My first born was quite a handul and like others here i found the carrier invaluable so I could get things done. I remember still being in my pjs at lunchtime and not eating dinner till bedtime.
My one piece of advice is to get out for some fresh air every day, either using your pram or carrier. Just pick your moment (pref after feeding) and go!
Its great to be able to have a walk and a chat to people, ralyy helped me.

I'm glad everyone has given you such good tips!;)

purpleivy

My MIL tells me that there are some dreaded DIL who won't ever let the MIL have their babies. There is so much to be gained from this valuable relationship. OK, so they may not do everything the same way as you so and be sure that children soon learn that it's the grandparents that are allowed to 'spoil' them and that parents are for the day to day stuff.

my dear FIL's philosophy was always to help as much as he could, while he could. There was a wonderful moment when he realised that dd needed changing, he toddled off to do the same, much to the surprise of guests in the house. He wouldn't have missed it for the world, although there were aspects he enjoyed more! Unfortunately he died rather early at the age of 70, while the kids were 7 & 10, but after all those years of sharing things he was very special to them. Now they (15 & 18) look after their gran and she looks after us and they have a very special relationship. If we hadn't encouraged it, it wouldn't have happened.

DH and I welcomed that fact that we could share the kids on holiday with them and also get a few hours just the two of us occasionally. When the kids came back after a stay, their bags were full of freshly laundered clothes! That bit was really good!

Grandparents need to be given this chance though, as the OP said, she may be dying to help, but afraid of rejection or thinking she's interfering.

CoD_2

flapjacks are fab for BFing mums, i think i've made them in the microwave before or there are easy traybake recipes about. something to do with the oats. can you get sachets of ready brek type food to eat too? super quick.

I don't brown mince for bolognese just put the mince in the sauce, if you bought a jar and then added the meat, and a can of baked beans that might be quick? jacket potatoes quicker than boiling pasta?

Rummer

Oh you have my full sympathy, I remember those days well! I lived in PJs and only really ate chocolate (maybe it wasn't so bad lol). Anyway the only way I could get some sleep or anything else done was to put my DD in an electric swing. Not very MS I know but it kept my sanity!
How about cous cous? Pour in a bowl add some tomato paste and herbs. Cover with boiling water mix and leave for 10mins. Add veg or serve with cold meat. Great cold for lunch the next day too.