Advice re stepdaughter

LandyAndy

Dippychick wrote: »

Of course it is... 30 yr olds are brats... :rotfl:

40 is young these days... I don't care what anybody says!!!

You are old.;)

Mips

LandyAndy wrote: »

You are old.;)

You are right

I am ancient... I will be 25 in August

ailuro2

The tough love version is to phone up and report her, it might seem nasty, but it will get the problems out in the open.
One day she will learn that when she's in a hole, digging deeper into it will not hide anything, but unfortunately for you guys, your stepdaughter really needs to stop digging now. You can help her by phoning up anonymously, it would hopefully make her take stock and sort out some legitimate money for her. She might not even have to pay tax on the second job.

It's good your OH is talking about it - I wouldn't tell him it was you who phoned in, but of course you can offer to help her with seeing where she can find some extra money, for example www.entitledto.co.uk lets you put in earnings etc. and tell you what benefits you'd be likely to get for any situation... she may be surprised by how much she would get.
Point her in the direction of MSE for some good advice too.:D

Newly_retired

Thanks for getting back to my situation, ailuro2. The more I think about it, the more I am worried that she is going to have £K of tax and NI arrears owing, once the situation is out in the open. 32may be young, but 5 years of illegal work is a lot. What she really wants to do is get a proper full time job so she can ditch the pub job. Meanwhile she is in catch 22 as she cannot afford to pay the bills and eat, without the second job. She has also got a partner who is a financial drain, although he works full time.
I feel her dad needs to show some tough love. Help her out financially to get out of this situation, maybe with a deadline for that help, for getting a proper job and getting on an even keel. But he is so besotted with her that I don't think he can be tough enough. I can be more objective, but this has been our problem all her life. He gets uptight when I speak common sense. I am not going to report her to HMRC. I would gladly report her employer if I knew his identity.

ameliarate

I wouldn't report her - I know it is the right thing to do but if it ever came out that it was you ...........................

if he's talking about it, then give an opinion, if argues with you about it, then tell him you don't want to hear about it then. - Excellent advice.

i'd moan about to him lending his daughter cash is if it actually affects your money, if it don't then it really doesn't have anything to do with you, if he's happy doing it then let him get on with it. - Also excellent advice


She has also got a partner who is a financial drain, although he works full time.- How is he a financial drain if he is working full time? The pair of them sound like a nightmare to me. I completely disagree that 32 is "young", by that age you should be more than capable of sorting out your own mess without resorting to working illegally or scrounging from your parents, unless you have some major unforseen problems. I am all for parents helping out when necessary but these two sound like they may not be helping themselves very much.

t_obermory

I really don't see the issue, granted I don't know what these

huge financial problems

are in detail.

But from what you've said she's got a job, she's doing voluntary work to improve her career prospects and in order to do this she's doing some cash in hand work on the side. She's not claiming benefits so she's not defrauding the system and claiming money she shouldn't, she's getting off her bottom and providing for herself. Where's the problem? Yes cash in hand may be a legally murky area but if she's not claiming benefits on the assumption that she's not working where is the real issue?

If your husband wants to give her money and its not affecting you then so be it. I really don't see what the issue is here, and my advice would be that unless you become affected financially to leave them to it.

Newly_retired

Update. She intends to give up the cash in hand job- good news.
I donb't have a problem with OH giving her money as such. I give my grown up kids money too. I would just like to see her independent and sorted and causing OH less stress and worry. I have found out some bits of useful info and passed them on to him and he will talk again with her. It all seems to be moving in the right direction though will take a while to sort out fully.
Thanks for the helpful comments.

CB1979_2

oh and if what you say is true, she has "huge" debt and a very low paid job, i'd seriously look into going bankrupt, some or most will disagree with me.

however i don't see the point in busting a gut for 10 years, whilst maintaining a poor credit rating and seriously struggling, sure it's the easy way out, but the system is there to be used, so use it.

yes it'd screw your credit rating up for a fair few years, but it'd already be crap anyway through not being able to pay bills on time, etc etc.

sure she has got herself into this debt and normally i wouldn't say "sod it" however there's far too many people (mostly through their own fault) who have such a poor standard of living, happiness, etc etc all because they're constantly struggling to make ends meet.