The shame

vscared

Notice of my BR was in the local paper today in the City where I work. I only know this because (helpfully and sensitively) one of the people who work in the mail room delivered the paper to me, flipped it open to the back and pointed to the notice saying "Sorry to see you are in the paper"! I was so gobsmacked, I didn't say anything. However, when I had thought about it for a moment I called him up and said that although he had noticed this, not everyone read the notices so could he please not gossip about it? He said he wouldn't, but I know what he is like. He will have taken great pleasure in announcing this to everyone he came into contact with throughout the day.

I know I shouldn't worry about the stigma, but it is very difficult when you work in a large firm and you know that not only do the finance department know, but probably the HR department and now most definitely the mail room. All 400 employees will know about it soon I should think.

I felt unexpectedly tearful and ashamed. I am not looking forward to going to work now. Although I do like my job, I feel like the office leper.

Sorry to ramble on, but I need to get it off my chest.

My husband is unemployed (which is how this whole mess started) and so although he has gone BR also, will not have to face the same embarrassment.

Every time I think I feel better about BR (this morning was feeling quite upbeat and perky), something gets me down.

And why are people so NOSEY?!!!!

Ranting over.

betterlatethannever

Aww VS, thats awful

What a low life scum he must be for doing that to you. Obvioulsy a saddo with no life and no thought for others feelings.:mad: which makes him a much worse person than you. I'd rather be a Bankrupt than a nasty gossip!

I know wherediditallgo had a similar experience and had a great come-back, but i can't remember what it was

Even if they do all find out, they will have something else to gossip about v soon.

Have you the strength to walk into work tomorrow, paper in hand and a casual comment like 'dam i'm finally famous, but for all the wrong reasons'. Making light of it will make it seem so less juicy to others.

betterlatethannever

Also..have a read here http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=420969&highlight=famous+bankrupts

remember some of the names then quote them while saying your now in the same position as they were, lets hope you can also come back as many of them did.

That list always helped me when i felt shamed.

jude47

Hi Vscared and welcome

I'm appalled, as I think the folks here will be that the idiot in the post room did this to you. Of course, we must remember, some people have such small lives and tiny intellects that they can only get their kicks from others' misfortunes. What I can tell you is that this person maybe hasn't had their own money troubles, but someone they know and love will have done and perhaps BR would have been the best thing for them but Post Room Fool would have made their lives a misery.

Aaaanyway, enough of that - remember V, if anyone at work gives you a hard time about this, report it to HR - it's bullying and or harassment and you do not have to put up with it. If you're a Union member, get your Union rep on board and take no sh*t from these people. Most of them are living on credit and can't afford their lifestyles, believe me, I see it every single day.

You've done nothing wrong, hold your head up and as my Auntie Lily (the scandal of the family, had a very interesting war!) used to say "If they're talking about me they're leaving some other poor bu**er alone".

Chin up, hon, let us know how you get on.


Jude x

Dez-Titute

Hi VS,

Unfortunateley it goes with the territory,not nice I know.
All I can say is you have to be better than the people who may give snide remarks & the chances are that you'll have as many people offering help than trying to score points.
This is your chance to find out who your real friends are and if they are real friends they will back you all the way.
Don't take it out on your OH he will be feeling it just as hard as you,probably more so because he will be feeling its all his fault.

Don't bury your head in this face it head on if you have to stand your corner cos there time will come..

dalip

The paper bit was one of my biggest worries too girl. The day mine was in i imagined all sorts. People were looking at me or down at me:o . A lot is in the mind. I don't mean that nasty but i think our imagination goes into over drive through pure guilt.I never went out of the house(unless work or tesco at 6am)for 6 mths due to pure paranoia. It is easy for people to say dont take any notice but if you are the sort of person who cares what others think then it's hard. Now 7 mths later i don't really care, the benefits far outway the drawbacks.I know it will be hard but hold your head high and sod em.


In the case of the person who saw your notice. Turn the tables and say anybody who reads those notices are either sad or in trouble themselves. I said that to somebody(2 people actually) who saw mine and they stumbled over why they were reading that section. One was "they were on the toilet:eek: reading the paper" and another had a "friend" that was due to be in there. Yes and i am the pope:rotfl:

Sad people sad lives.

Hold your head high girl you are in a better place that they will ever be. DX

sandywindsor

I have not your probs (uemployed) but when I look to employment..if good at job and ok with OR what the eck!

Honestly statistics in west midlands show an increase in debt problems, county courts have longer lists.

I say if you are a strong person..which you must be to go through the trauma of BR then walk in and show you don't care...but hand out prepared leaflets on debt management!!!!:D

Bet you get a response!


Sandy

XXXX

dodecanese

In the case of the person who saw your notice. Turn the tables and say anybody who reads those notices are either sad or in trouble themselves(to quote Dalip)

I agree- the guy must be a total sad b*****d. Personally, I think HE should be more embarressed for reading tiny notices stuck at the back of the local rag in among all the small adds. I felt very ashamed when I went bankrupt but now I just think S** it- there are far worse things in life you can be in life than a bankrupt- like mean, vindictive, and enjoying other peoples problems.

The old hag I sit next to at work liked to read the small adds- and said on a few occasions (while giving me very searching looks)- she'd read the bankruptcy notices- and there were so many people she knew in there. Think she was just trying to drag a "confession" out of me so she could gloat at not being a financial leper. I found a lot of gratification in saying something along the lines of " I never knew people actually bothered reading that stuff", and she did look quite embarressed, probably because she knew she was being spiteful.
Keep your chin up, all the best.

DEBT_23

was this in your FREE local paper or was it in the daily paper you have to pay for?
Im nervous about this also

vscared

Dez-Titute - thanks for that. I actually was taking it out on my OH when I got home. Don't know how he puts up with me sometimes. It was hot and I had been on a long bus journey, so was not in the best frame of mind. I'll apologise to him.

dalip - thanks for your kind reply. You have got it spot on. The mail room guy is obsessed with money. He is exactly the kind of person who would read the notices. It was also hard to spot as it was buried in the middle of a whole bunch of stuff. He is always coming up to people in the office and saying how much he has and how well he is doing. You are absolutely right about the paranoia - I am probably imagining all kinds of things. I will try and hold my head up and be strong.

Betterlatethannever - You are right. They will have something else to gossip about soon hopefully. Maybe this will die down and they will forget.......here's hoping!

Jude 47 - I like the sound of your Auntie Lily. It did cross my mind to mention something to HR and I'll think about that.

All I can say is, thank goodness for this forum!!! BR is such a rollercoaster ride. I'd just like to be back on even ground for a bit.

SuziQ

I'm sure they will all be gossipping about someone or something else very quickly so stick your chin out and know that you are getting your problems sorted. There but for the grace of God etc.