sons and daughters

yoni_one

(hugs)

It seems like nearly every post I look at has elements of domestic abuse involved, which is hardly surprising given that 1 in 4 women experience Domestic Violence and Abuse at some point in their lives. This post is no exception

His behaviour is controlling and abusive, and although it might break his heart if you left, it sounds like it breaks your heart to stay.

Look after yourself and realise that currently he is coming between you and your adult children. For sure he would not allow you to come between him and his son, and why would you want to? Reasonable and non-abusive partners don't behave that way.

www.womensaid.org.uk can help support you, make you aware of all your options and support you through your decision making, even if choose to stay with your husband. The Domestic Violence and Abuse national helpline is 0808 2000 247

what_to_do_6

yes he was, but its strange i feel like i am just coming out off a long tunnel and can see the light, if that maakes any sense. his dad had been diognosed with a terminal illness, we decided to get married before he died. think now i just felt sorry for him. i just resent him now for everything that he did to me and my daughters in the last four years. loved him to bites when i first meet him, but now i realise it was all a show, when he moved in with us it was wonderful to be a family, then gradually things changed. As i said before jekel and hyde!!

lorac3

Sorry to hear that you are having a crappy time. Only you can decide what to do but reading your posts it seems that you know what you want to do ( leave ). It does seem a good idea to move in with your DD with the mortgage as you will be able to help with that is that an option ?
If you are not happy get out now before you end up stuck there and regret it.

fanny

why dont you move in with your daughter who is struggling with the mortgage with your other daughter

robnye

you say he moved in with you.... if so is the property in your name....?

as mentioned, couldnt your two girls move in together?

what_to_do_6

my two daughters did move intogether at the begining of the year, but have since had a fall out, so my youngest one moved out and is now staying with a friend from work not ideal!! phoned her last night and she was drinking, not happy at all. my oldest dd only has a 2 bebroom house and now has a new boyfriend who stays over alot, this is what the argument was about between them. so if i moved in there it would not solve my youngest dds problems. really need them both with me.

what_to_do_6

robnye wrote: »

you say he moved in with you.... if so is the property in your name....?

as mentioned, couldnt your two girls move in together?

property in both names now!

yoni_one

Rights of Women may be able to help you double check on your housing rights and open up your options - www.row.org.uk

CB1979_2

ah yes it was you with the fighting kids.

to be honest, if you're really wanting to leave then I'd personally move in with the youngest (she's only 17 remember), the oldest daughter can get a lodger in if she's not willing to try and sort out her problems with your youngest.

however i wouldn't try and move in with both of them, getting a big 3 bedroom house and then 1 or both of them moving out cos they're still rowing.

rchddap1

Moving in with the eldest wouldn't solve the youngest's problems. Spot on. However, doing that would solve the short term issue of 'you know who'. Once you're out (after checking out the housing rights situation as Yoni suggest....very important) you can talk to them both and sort things out.

If the youngest moved out because of a falling out with the eldest then perhaps she wouldn't want to live with her....even with you?

As for your existing house. Talk to a solicitor (on the quiet of course). I don't know what your rights would be if you simply up and left. There's also the child to consider so you may have more rights to the house than your partner. However, there is the issue of what he would do if you told him to get lost... I take it that the property you're in is owned and not rented. If so it is even more important to talk to someone about your rights. Particularly if you just left.

Only then can you make an informed decision over what direction you want to take it.

Another thought....perhaps talking to your daughters about all this could be a good thing? Maybe telling them that you need their help might encourage them to work together, with you, in order to sort things out.

Don't know if this makes any sense....sometimes I just type as thigs enter my head.