sons and daughters

what_to_do_6

i remarried last year and have a 3 year old daughter by my now husband, i have 2 daughters one 19 and the other 17 ,they do not live with us! by my previous marrige and my husband has a 23 year old son by his previous marrige. his son stays round whenever he wants usually 3 days every 3 weeks, not much i agree, but he lives with his mum.when he stays my husband waits on him and me hand and foot, but when his son is not here he does nothing for me, no tea when i get up, no cooking me any meals, i do it all, i even do every thing for our daughter, he does nothing and i mean nothing. feels like a show he puts on when he stays. my girls are not allowed to stay here, and i dare not even ask him, he would go mad. they live on there own now as could not put up with my husbands moods. like jekle and hyde is all i can say.my girls are now in trouble, one is living on her own and struggling to pay morgage ect, the other is living with a mate from work and is not happy as she has started drinking. they need help and i wish i could just move out get a rented house and get them to live with me.i Feel i have let them down so very much. help!!!

rchddap1

No comments about hubby...none needed. Sounds to me like you want to leave, but just need to sort out the details. On that note my suggestion would be to talk to your older girls. See what they want to do. They're on the verge of adulthood and so may like your idea, or may want to sort things themselves.

I think a good chat with them would help you to make your decision on how best to help them, yourself and your little monster.

what_to_do_6

yes i do want to leave but it will break his heart as he says he loves me, but somtimes dont think he does, i think he just needs me to cook and clean ect. feel like a single parent, but love my kids to bits. so very sad.!!

pboae

Have you told him how you feel?

what_to_do_6

pboae wrote: »

Have you told him how you feel?

yes so many times and i just get" im sick and tired of your girls go and live with them you will soon come runningback!!!" told him about the way he treats me and just get sworn at and nastiness, cant win!!

pboae

Well if that's his answer call his blufff and do it. He can hardly complain when you've given him plenty of warning, and when it's him that comes running to you, you'll be in a stronger position to tell him exactly what you do want from the relationship if you feel you want to try again.

rchddap1

I agree. Call his bluff .... but make it work. Maybe he needs to realise that people won't stick around forever before he sorts out his problems. When you go it would be easy to get that into the equation....if you still love him of course. A simple "I still love you, but can't live like this anymore. Come and talk to me when you're ready to do something about things".

However, nowhere have you said that you love him to bits. You say he cares about you....but do you care about him. A relationship is about two people. If you don't have that love anymore then its only a matter of time. Perhaps you need some space from him yourself to work out your feelings.

pinkshoes

I don't understand why you're with this man, as he doesn't seem to have a lot of respect for you.

Could you not move in with the daughter that's struggling to pay the mortgage and help her out?

I know you love him, but loving someone is the easy part! It's liking and getting along together that requires hard work, and if he's not willing to listen to you and make an effort, then perhaps he doesn't really want you there? (If he does, he has a funny way of showing it!).

I would tell him that although you love him, you can't continue like this, and you're going to be moving in with your daughter.

Why on earth can you daughters not come and stay???

what_to_do_6

dont no if i do love him anymore, he can be so kind and loving one minute, then really nasty the next. Before my dds moved out there was so many arguments about them, he was always going on about them not doing anything, he got obcessed with tidying and cleaning,now he is not that bothered. I had my dd and post natal depression,went to see a councilor, but did not help. My mum then died and within a week my oldest dd moved out because of him, as i was not strong enough i let this happen, had to go on anti depression tablets, which did work looking back he did not help me at all just kept on moaning. If my dds did come to stay, it would start all over again and carnt go through that again. he just likes it when its me and him!! I do not work and my dd is 3, dont no which way to play this one, should i try to get work for 16 hours and claim tax credit, or see what benifits i could get. think i need to rent for me and my ddsto make a new start. sorry this is so complex could write a book on what has happened in the last 4 years!!

CB1979_2

right first off answer.

surely the kids part is easy.

they're both living seperately and struggling, so why don't they move in together??

your fella sounds like a d!ckhead - nothing more to add on that one i'm afraid

brownbabygirl

was he like this before you married last year?