Au Pair cost - 6month baby other dilemmas

Milky_Mocha

I''m in a bit of a dilemma and believe some opinions would be useful.

I have a 2 year old and am soon to give birth to our second child. I currently have a live-in helper who has been with us since my 2 year old was 5 months old except for a 1 year break when she had to care for her ailing mother.

She is entirely trustworthy, cheerfully helps out with laundry and loves to cook, gives my little one a bath every morning and every evening and looks after her during the day, 3 days a week. (the other 2 days she goes to a childminder so she can be around other kids). I knew her quite well prior to hiring her and was delighted when she took on the job. She lives with us as part of the family - we take her out with us, we let her use our phone to call home regularly - about once a week, long distance using 1899 or a call card, we purchased a full set of clothing for her on arrival as it was winter - cardigans, jackets, nightie, bathrobe, toiletries, trousers, tops, multivitamins and a few gifts here and there to send to her grandkids back home. In addition we pay her £250 per month. She has her own room and does not share a bathroom with us as we use the ensuite. We have a regular cleaner so she only cleans her room.

Now, the problem is, this lady is somewhat elderly (61 - is that elderly?) and she was brilliant when my first was about 5 months to 1 year old. Now that my little one is a fiesty, energetic, playful 2 year old I feel she is unable to care for her in the way that I would like - its partly due to her age but mostly I think, due to her upbringing and beliefs. She is reluctant to go out even though we have a big garden. I had to really persuade her to take little one for at least one walk per day. She doesn't want little one to play on the slide or to take her out on her bike (All she has to do is push and steer as it has learner wheels and a push lever). She does not read to her or sing with her or play throw and catch a ball or anything active. She just likes to let her watch Mickey Mouse, Tigger & Friends, Higglytown Heroes, etc on TV. When I asked her why she does not seem interested in any fun activity she said she worries about little one getting injured and having to explain scrapes and cuts or wasp stings. She also does not want to take little one out front because she hears horror stories in the news about child abductions. (We live in a safe community in the country and I find the likelihood of an abduction while she is with the child, highly incredible).

Anyway, sorry for the waffle. Basically I'm looking to hire an aupair who is a lot younger, ideally mid thirties to take her place. How much do you consider to be a reasonable amount to pay, given the kind of tasks described, but with a second child, ie 6 month old Monday to Thursday (As I'll be working 4 days a week only) plus a couple of hours on Friday while I do the weekly runaround shopping, house cleaning and gym. The two year old will still go to the childminder on Tues and Wed but will still require her morning and evening baths as well as full time care on Mon and Thurs.

Above all, would any of you entrust an aupair (virtual stranger) with your six month old? This is the bit I'm grappling with, although I do believe in instinct and could most likely spot a phoney within the first few mins of meeting one.

Another dilemma I have would be how to fire the current helper. She is known to many members of my family and is pretty much a member of the family who depends heavily on this income to remit funds home and to supplement her children's meagre incomes. We never discussed how long she'd be with us but from some of the conversations she has with me its clear she does not intend to leave anytime soon.

Apologies for the long post but I thought it would be good to set the scene and place you in my shoes for a few minutes if that helps with your opinions.

Any comments and input would be gratefully appreciated.

Rachel85

I believe there are set hours an Au Pair can work and duties they can undertake. I think what you would be looking for would fall outside this (someone will correct me if I am wrong but I had thought it was 25 hours per week, ish). A quick Google search should come up with something which will have the full details. I think the expected pay is £55-60/week as its only designed to be "pocket money", as they get free board and lodgings.

shellsuit

Can't you just look for a local childminder?

I do think that you are asking wayyyy too much of her and for what, £57 a week?!

And what exactly would be the reason for giving her the sack? Because she doesn't feel that she can do all of what you ask of her?

Do you do any of the things with your daughter which you expect the helper to do?

Titch89

Milky_Mocha wrote: »

When I asked her why she does not seem interested in any fun activity she said she worries about little one getting injured and having to explain scrapes and cuts or wasp stings.

Surely if you're a parent, then you understand that these things may happen from time to time?

Above all, would any of you entrust an aupair (virtual stranger) with your six month old? This is the bit I'm grappling with, although I do believe in instinct and could most likely spot a phoney within the first few mins of meeting one.

Can you (and your 6 month old) spend time with the au pair to see how they get on?

For the amount of money - it depends hw many hours you want them to do and the sorts of activities you would like to do with your children.

Errata

You need to read the information on this website
http://www.aupairsetc.co.uk/family_notes.php

You may be paying your 'au pair' less than the recommended amount for more than the recommended number of hours.

SuziQ

I'm not really sure why your are considering changing carer-it's so difficult to find someone reliable, your current carer fits in with your family and is prepared to work for what I consider to be a pittance. My instinct would be to take your present carer out and about and show her what you want her to do with your child-enable her,give her confidence to branch out a bit.

My first childminder was a disaster and trying to work whilst worrying about my child was a nightmare. You are risking going through the hole proces again as you feel she doesn't do enough 'out doors' b ut I think you may regret it-and as you say,without giving very clear guidance to the current carer how can you possibly sack her for not doing what you want?

ETS-61 elderly? Blimey-I may as well give up now too!

lilac_lady

I'm a 60 year old granny who looks after my DGS for one day per week plus some babysitting for him and my other two grandchildren. I get tired but I have an emotional tie to the children and love being with them. To contemplate taking on a baby and a 2 year old for all the hours you'll need makes me want to go and lie down in a darkened room. You underpay your present au pair and probably won't get someone reliable for the same amount of pay. Children are precious and time passes so quickly. Couldn't you work part time until the youngest is school age? I'd never leave any child with a stranger but I expect I'm old fashioned. I realise that some mothers have to work for financial reasons but I think a good nursery is a better option to minimise the risks to the children.

Errata

I'm not sure if the OP works or not. In any case it's illegal to leave a child under 2 in the sole care of an au pair, although the employee seems outside the au pair age range.

Titch89

Errata wrote: »

I'm not sure if the OP works or not. In any case it's illegal to leave a child under 2 in the sole care of an au pair, although the employee seems outside the au pair age range.

I'e never heard of this; (I used to study child care and the subject of au pairs has come up) where did you hear this?

Dumyat

£57 for 3 days childcare? wow. is that really what the going rate for an aupair is? does the mimimum wage not apply?

Errata

The point about au pairs is that they are young people staying as a guest and being paid pocket money for helping out with the family and studying in the host country. Many countries, including the UK, have special regulations governing au pairs.
The OP should have a contract with her 'au pair' which will cover things like notice period required by either side.
If there is no contract, and the 'au pair' is 61 years of age, it would seem that the 'au pair' is in fact a domestic employee and should have an employment contract, be paid the minimum wage and enjoy all the benefits of UK employment law.