Failed Relationship - Big Mortgage Help!!

tui_2

Hi,

After nearly 8 years I have told my partner I can no longer live with him and his agressive and dominant behaviour. At times it is so bad I really do think he is a woman hater. Even his mum has told me I deserve a medal for living with him. The only good thing is our 5 year old son.

We have a house together on a joint mortgage which we brought for £230,000 and have a mortgage for £145,000 - in the current climate I would assume if we could sell it, it would fetch maybe between £170,00 and £185,000 maximum.

He told me this morning that I could have the house and he would just walk away, but he will probably say something different again tomorrow because I cannot believe he doesn't want anything financial.

When I met him, we both had our own properties which we sold - I had £65,000 equity and he had £24,000 which we just put towards the house we brought together. I didn't draw anything up - a fool I know!

I just don't know what to do for the best. I earn approx £28,000 a year and I have approx £18,000 in savings which he knows nothing about - if he gives me child maintenance then I could afford the mortgage repayments on my own.

Can anyone out there offer me any advice?

Many thanks

milliebear00001

Hi there

Well financially, you are likely to take out the equivalent ratios of what you put in (as you are unmarried I presume?) BUT, as you have a child, it is likely a judge would say the child has a right to remain in his/her home and as the parent with custody, that means you get to stay there too (assuming you will have custody!) This right is likely to be revoked when your son is 18 however, and you will then be back to the negotiating table in terms of what you have both contributed financially over the years.

See CAB ASAP (or a solicitor). You might also be able to register an interest against the property which would make it harder for your OH to sell.

milliebear00001

Sorry - just realised you have a joint mortgage and so already have a registered interest! It would basically be a case of who has put what money in then! Do you have documentation proving your finances when you bought and subsequently?

tui_2

No, unfortunately I don't have any documentation to prove what I put in ..... and were not married. As regards to the house just needed advice on whether it would best to cut my losses and try and sell the property at a reduced price or stay put.

Cazza

It would be tight, but if you were prepared to use some of your savings to reduce your mortgage, then you might find a lender prepared to give you enough on the mortgage. This is also assuming that you have no outgoings on laons or cards. You are unlikely to find a bank that will take your maintenance into account yet, as it has no track record and won't be court ordered.

It's close enough to be worth talking over properly with a broker.

tui_2

Ive got no loans and owe about £500 on an interest free credit card - I know I could do it if I had to - just don't know whether to cut my losses and sell and start again.

dad-of-4

i would get it all sorted out legaly, and fairly, so it doesnt come back to haunt you,

not sure what the legal aspect of your savings would be, but it would seem a reasonable argument if he maybee claimed that your ability to save so much only existed cos you were a couple with a joint income,. if that is the case.

get some proper legal avice, its the only way, get it all decided and finalised,

tui_2

We both pay 50% of everything - so for example if our son wants a new toy he will purchase it and I will give him half the money. We do not have a joint account - every month he will transfer a set amount of money which exactly covers 50% of all the direct debits, food, etc. He gets paid alot more money than me, but chooses to buy all the lastest electronic gadgets, games, big TV's, etc whereby I choose not to be extravagant and save so surely he would not be entitled to my money?
Like you mention, I will have to get legal advice on where I stand.

tui_2

Just had the house valued and the estate agent has recommended putting it on the market for £194,995 expecting to get anything between £180,000 and the asking price. Told the ex when he came home from work and he said he doesn't want to sell and wants us to house-share until the market picks up. I said to him that's impossible and I want to sell, and unless he can afford to buy me out, I will take him to court and a judge will make him sell.
With that, he threw one of my son's small toys at my face and stormed off - this is what Im up against and he wants us to house share!
Anyway, short while later he comes into the room again - all nice no apology and said ok put the house on the market and if it sells and we make £35,000 he will take £15k and let me have £20k. I didn't reply.
He then went on to say that he will give me £200 child maintenance for our child (his net income a month is £1550 and he has a company car and free fuel). I replied by saying I will get whatever Im entitled to and he responded by coming into my face saying "Boll**** im not f***ing paying your mortgage".
You can see why I no longer want to live with him.

Ive got an appointment today with a legal solicitor - free 1 hour session so I will see what advice they give me.

Am I being unreasonable here ........ I don't want anything what Im not entitled to but by the same token I want to bow to his every suggestion just to keep the peace and do myself out financially.

tui_2

Also forgot to ask ...... the mortgage fixed period is up on the 31-01-2009 in these circumstances what would be best thing to do. Can I speak to the mortgage company and explain the situation as the mortgage will go up by £300-400 per month on their standard variable rate ...... any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Js_Other_Half

No advice, but have a <hug>

You are doing the right thing in looking towards you and your childs future. What I would say though is that the CSA seem to be fairly useless, so if you can come to an amicable arrangement (albeit for slightly less money) it might be better in the long run?
I know of someone who's had 2 months of CSA payments in 17 years...