Help - I don't know what to do anymore.

Staciep88

Well, theres a chance here that we have the same OH as you just descibed mine!! I really do know how your feeling. me and him were exactly like that and in the end he agreed to have so much of his wages put into my account to cover rent/bills etc each month. This arrangement has worked well as he has now learnt to buget on that little bit less!

So now we are equally paying rent and food bills and its made the relationship alot better. We have been together 2.5 years and he is £6000 in debt and it really does put such a strain on us cuz we can never afford to do anything. Just to make it clear, that £6000 is his debt - had it before I met him.

Even though this is a little risky - i do love him - i took out a 0% card in my name for him to transfer some debts too. I have managed to transfer £900 on one card and £450 on another (as im young i cannot get big limits!) But even so, we have done this and set up d.debits from his acc to mine to pay the c/card in time.

Its a scary thought as obviously your legally taking on their debt, so you must be 100% sure about the relationship. But he will debt free this time next year and then we can finially move on with our lives!

xXx

Red_Fraggle_3

Been there in my experience it didnt get any better - in fact worse he expected me to sort everything out as time wen t on like i was his mother (nasty) I did start to resent him

Dinah93

You need to work out if he is willing to try and change his attitude to money, or if he is happy as things are, and is effectively taking you for a ride. My ex was very much like your OH, and one of my main sticking points was his inconsistency in holding down a job and quitting them on a whim, and me having to pick up the slack, which gradually got me further and further into debt. Even when he was working I had to nag and poke to get him to give me any money towards bills, and often it led to huge arguements. When he did have money he would spend it on 'treats' of his choosing, while all my money was forced on bills. I have since learnt there was something else going on which maybe I could have understood if he had talked to me about it, but thats another story. By contrast my new OH is almost embarrassed by his lack of experience budgeting and managing his finances, and has asked me to take control of his wages and just give him the ammount of money 'spare' after I have allocated money for bills, rent, savings for holidays/christmas/house deposit etc for him to use on a day to day basis for lunch, going out to the cinema, general spends, petrol and so on. Incidentally towards the end of the relationship my ex and I also argued over sex, I had lost all respect for him and it's hard to want someone who you see as irresponsible, it's just not a sexy quality when you've spent all week nagging and mothering! My new OH never has to ask, I'm always more than happy to be there for him

Pssst

Blondy24-you need to untangle yourself from this mess before you get in deeper,and move on.

Aside from this,the best way to deal with money in relationships is for you both to have your own current accounts,but to have a joint account for household expenses. You both then have an automatic transfer each month from your own accounts to the joint acc,of a fixed amount to pay all bills etc,,,simple,clear,saves bickering.