Deciding whether to go into full time work with a 3 year old! help!

**dancingbutterfly**

hi all,

im not sure if im posting this in the correct place so i apologise if its wrong!:o

my question is, im currently working part time as a receptionist (16hours pw) and have been doing for the past 2 years and ive been offered a REALLY good job that pays really well and everything! the only problem is that its full time hours.
I have a 3 and a half year old boy who has been going to nursery for 2 and a half days a week for about 18months now and loves it.
Im having real trouble trying to decide whether to take the position or not. I think the only thing that is holding me back is guilt, the fact that i will miss him loads and i worry that maybe he will miss me a lot too and our bond will start to wear.
Im in complete limbo over it really. i want to be able to buy him lovely things but i want to be there for all the memories too. does anyone think im thinking about it too much?!
i think he will start school next year at christmas maybe so hes got to be away from me fulltime (sort of!) in 12-18months or so.
Can anyone help me?! my oh is so ignorant and couldnt really give a toss what i do or what our son does.
Does anyone have any experience of a similar situation?

any help would be greatly appreciated (sorry for the long post:o )

Floxxie

If you were suggesting putting your son into nursery for the first time, I would think there would be problems. However I have three children - one was f/t from 11 weeks, the other p/t from 1 until 3 and the other will stay with me until he goes to playschool.

The eldest two are both confident and the second one was very upset when I took him out of nursery to go on maternity leave. I think that sometimes it is worse when a child goes from very part time hours to school. Additionally a child would much rather have a happy mummy rather than a stressed mummy so if taking on the job works for your circumstances, then do it. If it works, great, if it doesn't then you could request part time or leave.

Children are only young once and then you have the rest of your life..

Good luck with your decision!

Floxxie

Floxxie

Sorry the end part of my message sounded a little confusing! So to explain..children grow up quickly and then they will be at school and you could be left doing the same job you were years ago.

I have put my children through nursery but my jobs have become less well paid so the decision has been easy. When I was earning well, my son was in nursery and has done very well since.

Floxxie

**dancingbutterfly**

thanks floxxie for your wise advice! just what i needed!!

i agree being at nursery has definatly brought him on in leaps and bounds.
i forgot to add that he'll be at my mums for 2 days in the week so he'll only be at the nursery for 3 days a week, but the nursery is sooo lovely and he loves it at my mums!
i think that this job will really kick start my career again, its got great promotion opportunities and bonus' etc. all the things ive been missing for the past 2 years! it'll give me a good job for life if i want it.
the girls at the nursery say it may be a good thing getting him used to being away five days a week so to get him used to school.
i think im trying to talk myself into it!!
theres other jobs that are part time but dont pay aswell as this one.
i think i may go for it.........
i just dont want to end up spending about 1 hour with him every night.

MrsE_2

**dancingbutterfly** wrote: »

thanks floxxie for your wise advice! just what i needed!!

i agree being at nursery has definatly brought him on in leaps and bounds.
i forgot to add that he'll be at my mums for 2 days in the week so he'll only be at the nursery for 3 days a week, but the nursery is sooo lovely and he loves it at my mums!
i think that this job will really kick start my career again, its got great promotion opportunities and bonus' etc. all the things ive been missing for the past 2 years! it'll give me a good job for life if i want it.
the girls at the nursery say it may be a good thing getting him used to being away five days a week so to get him used to school.
i think im trying to talk myself into it!!
theres other jobs that are part time but dont pay aswell as this one.
i think i may go for it.........
i just dont want to end up spending about 1 hour with him every night.

Better to have a happy work full time mum, than a could have got a better job working part time mum.

I worked & know how hard it is to be a mum & work full time.

But my daughter (21 now) says she appriciates that I did it for her to have a decent life.

Sounds a great job!
Good Luck.

Spendless

**dancingbutterfly** wrote: »

i forgot to add that he'll be at my mums for 2 days in the week so he'll only be at the nursery for 3 days a week, but the nursery is sooo lovely and he loves it at my mums!

I was going to say it's not for me using f-time childcare, and I can't see me ever going back to f-time work due to this,unless I absolutely had to but do what suits you and your family. Then I read the above bit and that sounds pretty good to me, 3 days at nursery and 2 at his grans.

LondonDiva

Would it be possible for your OH to drop in salary by doing a 4 day week, or if not possible, condense his hours into 4 days for about 6-12 months while you settle in?

That way you get the peace of mind of the not so big jump in child care & have a parent spend some of the week with him?

If not, I'd still encourage you to go for the job as you never know where it'll lead or what your circumstances may be when your sono goes to school.

Good luck:)

Paparika

You seems to have the childcare sorted but one thing to remember is when he is ill who will look after him then as school will not allow him in.

Will your new bosses be understanding if you need to take random days off at no notice at all.

Floxxie

**dancingbutterfly** wrote: »

thanks floxxie for your wise advice! just what i needed!!

i agree being at nursery has definatly brought him on in leaps and bounds.
i forgot to add that he'll be at my mums for 2 days in the week so he'll only be at the nursery for 3 days a week, but the nursery is sooo lovely and he loves it at my mums!
i think that this job will really kick start my career again, its got great promotion opportunities and bonus' etc. all the things ive been missing for the past 2 years! it'll give me a good job for life if i want it.
the girls at the nursery say it may be a good thing getting him used to being away five days a week so to get him used to school.
i think im trying to talk myself into it!!
theres other jobs that are part time but dont pay aswell as this one.
i think i may go for it.........
i just dont want to end up spending about 1 hour with him every night.

Well it sounds even better - nursery 3 days and Gran 2 days!

As for your concern about only having an hour with him a night - I find I spend less time focusing on my children when I am home as I am doing housework! When the eldest one was at nursery there were many times that he was asleep and I didn't see him awake for the day. However as he grew older and stayed awake longer, this changed.

I think there was mention about it being hard being a full timer and have to agree that it is, but the benefits are that your house looks the same as it did when you left in the morning and you have the weekends to catch up with your child and spoil them!

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Floxxie

Floxxie

Paparika wrote: »

You seems to have the childcare sorted but one thing to remember is when he is ill who will look after him then as school will not allow him in.

Will your new bosses be understanding if you need to take random days off at no notice at all.

They'll have to be. Many places have a certain number of 'family days' and failing this the OP could use holiday or take unpaid leave. You cannot discriminate against somebody just because they have a family and may need to look after them.

The OP is probably already dealing with this. If her child is ill on one of her work days. Going f/t isn't going to change this.

Floxxie

**dancingbutterfly**

thanks for all the help guys,
im so greatful for other opinions!
floxxie your right he has been ill a few times over the past 3 half years and my then bosses weren't happy but they'd say that its just one of those things and theres nothing i can do about.
when hes ill i do stay off work because at the end of the day his well being is my top priority (which is why this is such a hard decision!!:o )
i'll be working for a big utility company so im sure that like you said they'll be such things as 'family days'. im sure that they have this thing called 'short notice leave' that i can request. (even though its not much help when they wake up one morning with a tummy bug)
thanks again for everyones advise!:T

kate
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