scared about having a baby.

squishyclaire

I was wondering if any of you good people out there could give me a hand with a dilema I have. I have been with my partner for 3 years and we are very happy together. We have talked on many occassions about having a baby but we were not in a financial position to do this as I was not in a permanant job. In Jan this year I got a really good job and for the first time I am on reasonable money althought the stress has gone up with the level of pay. Now we do have the finanacial stablity to have a baby I have got really cold feet. I am just plain scared of the finances, of the life change, about the implications for my health (i suffer from bad migraines set off by stress and lack of sleep generally). I love my partner and he really wants to start a family and I am so scared of losing him if I don't have a baby.
Don't get me wrong I love kids and I am really good with them but I just don't know where to turn for help. All my friends have children but I just feel they won't understand what I am going through. Have any of you guys any experiences or advice you could offer, i feel alone in sorting out what I want in my head.

rchddap1

I will not lie...pregnancy is not nice at times to put it mildly. However, even though my daughter is having a hissy fit at the moment I would swap her for all the tea in china. I was scared too of all of those things you mention, but I now understand that it isn't those things that matter. You work through everything in the end. The important thing is the little life you bring into this world.

You can sit down and estimate finances, work together with the night time issues. What you can't change is if you decide not to....and then later on in life regretting it. In otherwords, you can't go back. Would you regret not having a child? If so then you need to sit down and work things through with your partner.

I'm sure he isn't an ogre, so talk to the guy.

And if you want stress....see my notes below. There are worse things than having a child, and taking care of it....namely nearly losing it altogether by something you can do nothing about.

Good luck

pamelab21

I had a similar situation with my hubby, he is a few years older than me and has never hidden the fact that he wanted kids. However I just never felt ready, I felt too young and not ready for the responsibility.... it caused a few arguements but we discussed things and I said in 5 years time I thought I would be ready, we would have had some time to ourselves and been able to get a bigger house, change cars and have some holidays together (selfish to some I know). 3 years on, we have done all these thing and I have now told him I am ready to start trying in a few months.
I gave myself 5 years, however I felt ready sooner. Something changed in me and I decided now is the right time (cheesy I know!)
Please do not jump into anything, if I had had a child when my hubby had felt ready to himself I would no doubt have resented him for it and we might not be together today....it is something you both have to want as it is such a big life change.

Sarahsaver

If you have kids they will be ok because you are THINKING about it;)
Babies do NOT have to cost a lot, all the tat they tell you they need they do not need. No baby notices if it is in a £500 pram.

Just think of how many people push out babies without ANY thougt, in a haze of booze and fags. Then spend the rest of their lives cursing the day they were born!

galvanizersbaby

Hello SquishyClaire

Think most people are a bit scared of having a baby tbh.
If it's what you really want then sit down with OH and discuss your fears together.
Good luck x

Mips

Being pregnant is a scary time and a happy time and a mix of both

When baby arrives, no matter what, you love it. All the worries seem to disappear instantly when its born. I remember some months after, I was thinking about all the irrational fears I had about childbirth and about how I would react to the baby. All of them were unfounded. Same with the second pregnancy.

For me, I had the same worries with my second pregnancy, as with the first and nothing changed after each birth.

It wouldn't be normal not to worry about every little thing when you are pregnant.

There are some great baby forums out there and you will find you are going through exactly the same emotions as every other Woman and can seek reassurance.


CONGRATULATIONS!

belfastgirl23

I think you need to talk to your DH properly about your concerns. I think what you need is reassurance that you won't end up shouldering everything as so many mothers do. Now is the time to do the negotiations about how it will be if you have a migrane etc...

The other thing though is that down the line it's important for you to give him space to be the responsible parent...just so it's nice and clear that you aren't the one 'in charge' all the time...

misty

Maybe you need a bit more time? I do think though that people who have a lot of concerns about having a baby before having one are better prepared than those who have a romantic vision of how it will be. I remember worrying that I might not love the unborn baby as much as I loved the cat!!!

newlywed

I once got told, imagine yourself aged 70+. Do you think you might feel that your life was unfulfilled because you didn't have kids??

(I have step kids instead ).

flaura

Having a baby is very scary in deed - I'm debt free but it still worries me that I'll end up back there - my pregnancy wasn't planned but now i'm excited too

I'm 31 and the thought of never having kids scares me more than anything oh and i suffer from migraines too and haven't had a single one throughout pregnancy - perhaps you could discuss this with your GP now before you conceive? to help get you in the right frame of mind for it...

Also check out what you'd get maternity leave wise at work - you may find you get an enhanced package - i got my full time permenant job whilst nine weeks pregnant after being made redundant in December so am not entitled to SMP but can get Maternity allowance Circa £110 per week from the government.... we''ve worked out what it actually costs me to go to work and we can actually survive on this and my OH earnings circa £28k it just means cutting back a bit (my OH already has 2 kids from a previous relationship so pays maintenance for these too)

Babies aren't as expensive as you think xx

Ulitimatly you have to have children because you BOTH want them don't not have them because you are frightened you can't afford it

searching_me

i found myself 17 and 6months pregnant believe me there werent no words to describe how scared i was... i had no money, no job and still lived with my parents... it ok to be scared some people think that coz your a woman you meant to want kids and know what to do with them... if your not ready then your not ready you cant force yourself when the time is right you'll know... my madam is now 5... 6 in december and i wouldnt change her for anything... just before i had her a wierd but good feeling came where i knew i needed her and i was ready... talk to your OH tell him where you stand you need to be honest otherwise you and your OH will be heading on different paths xxx