i dont know what to do right now i need help

grimmy665

I had been with my girlfriend for 2 and a half years and we split up last sunday. She said she didnt feel right and needed her own space and time, she has told me there is no one else and its not my fault and we have met up twice sinse and really talked about this im trust and believe her and respect that she told me the truth. She said she hasnt felt right for about 2 months and thats she felt like this was the best thing to do. However she was really closed up and never really talked. I have told her that we can do this and just try again but this time realllly give each other what we both want and talk everything through. she says she wants to be friends but she also said shes thining this through she needs space so i am giving it her. she goes away next week for three days with her mate and parents and she said she will think everything through then.
I have begged and tried to explain and just get her back but she says she just doesnt want to but as the days have pregressed she seems to be getting more confused as to begin she said that was her final decision but now shes thinking about it and then when i saw her today we had such a good time and she asked to hold my hand when i was a bit upset and she also let me hug her and stuff it was nice, shes not stringing me along by doing so as i did ask and she asked me and it was just kind of a sympathy thing. However when we first met it was weird and then we got on and we had such a good time and a real laugh i made her laugh and smile loads.
When i speak to her online she seems a little distant which is understandable and when i speak to her about stuff she gets a bit like "stop it please" i do need to give her space which i think is good that shes going away. so she can think and stuff

but it hurts so much it reallly does and i dont know what to do, do you have any ideas at all how i can possibly get us together and just make things ok again and give it a chance one last time i need help as i cant stand this at the moment please help
thanks x

Alikay

This sounds like when my DD split up with her first love a couple of years ago. I'm guessing your round about 18 or so? Sorry if I'm way out but it sounds just like they were.

DD just kind of outgrew the relationship - perhaps a little bit before he did, which was why it was so painful. They didn't get back together and she was grieving and feeling guilty for a long long time. It was sad, but inevitable really.

wickedwitch_2

Hi Grimmy

I know it hurts like hell - I've been there and no doubt so have lots of others here. I won't pretend that I'm any great expert in relationships but this is my advice. You're going to find this incredibly difficult and painful but you must give her the space she thinks she needs if you're to have any chance of saving your relationship. She has to be given the chance to miss you and to know what it is really like not to have you in her life. That is what she is saying she thinks she wants. She doesn't seem to know so you need to take a step back. At the moment you're still there to see and talk to. So no chatting online, no phoning and no texting. Although you say that the more you talk to her the more confused she seems to be you've got to ask yourself whether you want her to come back because she really wants to or because she's been talked into it. I know in your heart that it won't matter - you want her back whatever - but if it's the latter rather than the former then she'll end up breaking your heart all over again.

As difficult as this sounds - and it is - you need to be firm and tell her that you're finding it too difficult to see/speak to her at the moment and she needs to decide exactly what she wants. Say that you won't contact her until you hear from her but if she decides that she does want to end it that she does the decent thing and tells you straight once she is clear about what she wants.

In my case this strategy worked and he came back. In a different relationship I realised during the time that he was thinking about what he wanted that I didn't actually miss him very much at all and I ended up finishing with him.

As difficult as it is I don't think that there is a better strategy. If you keep pushing her she will walk away and by walking away yourself to give her space she might just realise that being without you isn't what she wants. No one can predict the future but I think that some things are either meant to be or they're not.

Hope this helps
x

grimmy665

thanks wickedwitch your advice has really helped i see what you mean about telling her its too hard to see and speak to her right now because at the moment talking to her will seem like im ok and stuff. if i leave her alone for a bit and just let her think and im not around at all then she will really see what its like without me but also give her time to truely think about this.
thanks you so much xxx

wickedwitch_2

You're very welcome Grimmy - Love may be wonderful but it hurts like hell at times! Just take each day at at time rather than trying to look too far ahead. And the fact that you are taking some control over the situation rather than leaving it all to her might make her view things differently. Look after yourself and let us know how things go. If you're feeling low there's always someone on here to offer a few wise words when you need them the most.
x

bookduck

Yes, had the same and been dumped too. It hurts like hell! The "lets still be friends" cliche is a dead giveaway to the point where you can even google it. Here is my take on the situ:

This was in the pipeline for 2 months, so is planned out on her side, but not on yours, so you are like startled bunny on the road at night with a lorry's light on you and heading your way. This is ok and is normal. Also it is much easier to dump, than be dumped.

The distant bit is there are other issues that she does not want to now reveal to you at this time. It could just be she is going on hols and wants a good time and if people ask, she can say she is single and not feel guilty too have to lie when she comes back. It is much easier to break up when you have the hols in front of you to alleviate you troubles. Some will disagree with me. For you it would have been much easier being on your own for 3 weeks while she was on hols, getting into a routine, then on the day she comes back she ends it.

The cure is to make no contact with her at all, until she speaks to you. If she does want to contact you it might be she wants to comeback, but more likely just want to talk, or "I miss you as a friend" speech, guilt for what she is feeling and to check if she did make the correct decision. All wimmen seem to be programmed this way in the factory Depending on how she normally operates you may want to ask her to call you, something along the lines "Call me sometimes", but give her the responsibility to call you.

You may one day have to decide of you want to possibly keep her as a friend, and there are advantages and disadvantages to this for both of you.

Mates help a lot! Going out with other women help even more. The first three days after breaking up are very hard, and so is the first week as you have discovered. Week 2 is not great either, but at the end of week 3 you can see a light at the end of a tunnel.

January20

Grimmy, as a woman reading your first post I would say your girlfriend just wants out of the relationship but because you have asked up to try again, she is feeling a little trapped and doesn't know what to say so she says she will be thinking about it.

She doesn't love you anymore but doesn't want to hurt you even more by telling you. It certainly feels like that to me when you write that she hasn't felt right for 2 months.

Unless you want a relationship based on guilt and pity (hers) then leave her alone and try and heal yourself. It will be hard but you will come through at the other end.

CB1979_2

spawn of the devil mate, we've all been there.

even though it took me 6 days to get over my "love of my life" (and first proper girlfriend) of near on 6 years.

however i knew things weren't right for a good few months between us, and we kinda came to the decision together so wasn't so much of a shock to me.

4 months later and i met up with a much better person and stronger relationship (learn from mistakes and all that).

keep your chin up, give her space but accept it's probably 95/5 in favour of you defo split up.

i very much doubt you've done anything differently/her changed so much in a week that things will be any different 2 months down the line then you'll be forced into this situation again.

lastly why have things been different for her the last couple of months??

I'm guessing the root of all evil is to blame - Facebook/Myspace/Friends Reunited!! lol

galvanizersbaby

CB1979 wrote: »

spawn of the devil mate, we've all been there.

even though it took me 6 days to get over my "love of my life" (and first proper girlfriend) of near on 6 years.

What age range are you CB?! I had you down as 30-40 but looks like I'm wrong again!

CB1979_2

i'm 28 (the 1979 is my year of birth)

i got with my g/f when i was 18 & she was 16, split when i was 24, her 22.

so was too young, but never really expected it to last so long when we first met!!

galvanizersbaby

CB1979 wrote: »

i'm 28 (the 1979 is my year of birth)

i got with my g/f when i was 18 & she was 16, split when i was 24, her 22.

so was too young, but never really expected it to last so long when we first met!!

aaah yes - there was a clue there in your username wasn't there!
at least I wasn't miles off - you sounded really young in your post