Childcare costs

BernadetteN

At the risk of maing myself even more unpopular, why would it be harsh to suggest that a parent should be the first point of call when it comes to looking after their child? Most women work part time or stay at home in order to be able to care for their children and men often do the same too. It's all about balancing home and work responsibilities and PUTTING the CHILDREN FIRST. Sorry if this offends but when I made the decision to have children, I knew that life would change and I had make compromises.

liney

Childcare is expensive but it's only for a short time.

If you both refuse to make any changes to your lifestyle then you are stuck with paying the same amount: i don't know how you could possibly expect anything else.

yorks_lass

Ouch! Some of those comments a bit harsh!
- My partner doesn't want to stay at home as he has been ill with depression and staying at home withdraws the structures that he relies on to stay well - so those of you that suggested he should be at home, maybe now you can see why it would not be possible. Getting a new / better job is very hard with his history. He already has very good qualifications, but is unable to work in what he is qualified for and the physical work helps to keep him well.
- Our child was very much wanted, but nonetheless unexpected - we had been told we wouldn't have children. We never thought to look into nursery costs - just assumed we could afford it
- I'm not asking for sympathy - just wondered what others had to suggest
- I can't stay at home as my salary pays all our other bills - which aren't huge and we have already made massive lifestyle changes. If we came into money, of course I would cut my hours and spend more time with the baby.

Thanks for the suggestions - we'll muddle through somehow.

Yorks_lass

Sarahsaver

Well it changes things a bit now we know he has depression, thanks for clearing that up;) I think those of us who were baffled will be less so now!
Hope you didn't think I was harsh
When I was a teacher I had a childminder who let me down last minute one day and some spoilt brat at the school found out and told mummy dear who was a governor, and the (female) head docked a day's wages off me because I had to take a day off work.

If he is into physical work what about gardening? You can get paid well for that. I used to iron and clean for someone v wealthy, only just last year, and they paid me £10 per hour.

onlyroz

BernadetteN wrote: »

At the risk of maing myself even more unpopular, why would it be harsh to suggest that a parent should be the first point of call when it comes to looking after their child? Most women work part time or stay at home in order to be able to care for their children and men often do the same too. It's all about balancing home and work responsibilities and PUTTING the CHILDREN FIRST. Sorry if this offends but when I made the decision to have children, I knew that life would change and I had make compromises.

Putting the child first - absolutely. For us that was a choice between me being a stay-at-home mum and us living in a tiny flat on a dodgy estate, or both of us working and being able to afford a 3-bed house with a garden in a nice small town. Which option do you think we decided was the best for our son?

moo2moo

Do you have a friend/relative who you trust who would have your child for a day a week and in return you have their child(ren) for a day or an evening? I've done this for years. No money changes hands as the DDs go to play at their friends house for a day and their friends come here. It means that during the holidays I can cram my working hours into a 4 day week (superb boss!), pay for 3 days childcare (in the school holiday club at £38 per day for 2 children) and the DDs get to spend 2 days with their friends which they would want to do regardless of whether or not I was working.

There are plenty of stay at home mums out there who would love to have a social life but can't afford a babysitter (£30 per evening here) or find a babysitter they trust.

Spendless

Then if your husband or you changing jobs/hours isn't an option & your husband's employer won't offer childcare vouchers, and as I said earlier even if they did you'd have to make sure he could use them, cos you can't salary sacrifice if by doing so it would put you below min wage, then the option left is to change childcare providers or put up with the situation for next few years.

Sorry I've no more ideas for you.

all the best.

xx

galvanizersbaby

BernadetteN wrote: »

At the risk of maing myself even more unpopular, why would it be harsh to suggest that a parent should be the first point of call when it comes to looking after their child? Most women work part time or stay at home in order to be able to care for their children and men often do the same too. It's all about balancing home and work responsibilities and PUTTING the CHILDREN FIRST. Sorry if this offends but when I made the decision to have children, I knew that life would change and I had make compromises.

and good for you BernadetteN, we all make the decisions that we hope are right for our children, everybody has different situations and opinions.
I think the wider picture with the OP's OH explains to me why he wouldn't be the first port of call for childcare but as I said we are all different - there are some that probably think he should despite his depression but I think the OP and her OH are putting their child first in this instance but as I say we are all entitled to our opinions - I'm just wary of airing mine without the whole picture.

purplepatch

I agree galvanizersbaby. The OP is new to MSE, asked a question and got some pretty harsh responses. Even if her OH didn't have depression, some people really are not cut out to look after very young children, perhaps even in that situation a child is better off in a nursery rather than being with a parent who doesn't want to be there. I find it sad that people are that quick to judge when they don't know all the facts.

Bet yorks lass regrets asking now!

gorgeous_gwen

I know this is a halfway compromise of sorts OP, but rather than carrying on as you are or suggesting that OH gives up work completely (which you don't want to do), would it be possible for OH to maybe drop a day or two at work? That way you would be cutting down on childcare costs, you would still be working full-time as the main earner, and he would still have the main structure of the week going out to work, but have a day or two looking after your child?

You'd of course have to do the maths, but it's perfectly feasible to apply for flexible working, to drop to part-time hours, be it working four days or whatever, for a father as well as a mother. If he is on a much lower wage then it could work out all right financially. Plus it wouldn't be so daunting as staying at home full-time for someone with depression (speaking from experience!). I found when I was working and I dropped to four days (due to childcare costs), having that special day a week meant I could plan things to do, just me and DS, then the weekend would be family time.