Please advise me...

Enlightened_2

Hello to all,
First of all can i say that although this is my first post I have been reading this chat forum for some time and think you are a great bunch of people for the way you all help each other out. :A

I could really do with some of that help as I am reaching the point where I feel that me and my husband should just go our seperate ways, to stop causing each other further pain and misery.

Our situation is this: Together for 6.5 years, married for 4. Two children, a toddler, aged 3years and a baby 5months old. The underlying problem is that my husband just dosen't live life according to the responsibilities that he now has. This manifests itself in many ways and I'm not sure if these ways are relevant to the advice you may give me.

At this point I don't know if I can live with this anymore but before I make any decisions I feel I need so much info... for e.g. If we seperate I will move home to Ireland as I have no family here and feel that both myself and the children would have a much better life there. (He has a large family locally but only has contact with his mother who is no support to us as a family at all) Can he legally stop me doing this?

My main worry about us seperating is how I will cope financially, I have always worked and never claimed benifits. Obviously I would not be able to work (Full Time) to earn enough for me and my children to live on, will I be entitled to any benefits in Ireland? Will I be able to claim CSA when we live in a different country?

We live in a house with quite a bit of equity in it, how should that be split?

These are just some of the questions bouncing around in my head, there are so many I just had to start somewhere! I really would appreciate any advice you could me.

black-saturn

Perhaps you could also post on the benefit board as they will be a little more clued up on benefits than on here.

But the answer is you can and will survive on benefits. I'm a lone parent with 2 children aged 11 and 8. I survive wonderfully and am quite comfortable on £150 per week. After a while it becomes quite easy. I've also noticed that the ones deepest in debt on this board are the ones who are earning 40K per year!! Isnt that enough for them?

You could also look at my site which might give you a few pointers or help you make your mind up:

** Personal website link removed - Edited by AbCon **

Enlightened_2

Thanks Black Saturn,
I have had a quick look at your site and some of it although not all matches the situation. I will spend longer on it at some point, but time is an issue as either the children need attention or OH is at home and can't be doing with explaining why I would be looking at a site like that.!!

Well done for surviving on benefits and becoming debt free a year ago. What a weight off your shoulders that must have been.

i just wish I could make a decision but as soon as I start to summon the courage he changes and becomes nice as pie, and makes me feel all the problems are my fault. I know I'm not blameless but in his eyes he's an angel!

Fran

You are entitled to benefits within EU. You could have a look at The Department of Social & Family Affairs website which has info on benefits in Ireland, Money advice & Budgeting service.

Re the house, you could try Citizens Advice bureau as a (free) starting point.

MPwannasavemoney

I can sympathise with your situation - mine looks like it could head this way too though I'm doing my best to stop it.

Re - splitting equity etc - you need to see a lawyer - but if you're looking after the kids etc your needs take priority.

Enlightened_2

Thanks Fran,
I will definetly look at this site and see what I can glean off it. RE CAB I know I should go but it is a logistical nightmare with children. As I mentioned I have no family around to have them for me, while I go anywhere like that, e.g. doctors, dentists etc. I do have friends but they have thier own lives and are working etc. I will go on CAB website and see if there answer direct questions such as mine.

Does anyone know the criteria for lagal aid?

Enlightened_2

Sorry that should have been Legal aid!

Note to self: proof read before hitting the reply button!

Fran

Enlightened wrote:

Sorry that should have been Legal aid!

Note to self: proof read before hitting the reply button!

Most CABx haven't got the facility to answer directly, but some have so worth checking. Why not ring them with your questions if you can't get out easily? They should be sympathetic to the kids if you take them, but I know what a problem it can be shut in a room trying to have a conversation with them there!

To change something once you've posted click "edit" and you can alter your original post.

johnmoney05

1. it might be a problem if you want to move all the children with you back to Ireland. If your husband objects it.
2. it will certainly benefit for your financial settelment if you are based in England rather than in Ireland, cause the living standard costs should be higher than in Ireland.
3. you will get maintenance from your husband, of course if he works, visit this website:- https://secureonline.dwp.gov.uk/csa-contact/calc.asp you can get the Child Maintenance Calculation by filling some information. Even if you are in Ireland, you still can get him pay you child maintenance.
4. since you can't work with 4 young children, you are entitled to not just child maintenace, and the spouse maintenance from your husband.
5. I am not sure what other assets you both have, but according to your situation, you are bound to stay in the matrimonial home if you want. If there is no other assets, no pension, whatever...my guess is that you will get at least 65%-70% of the equity in the house. The problem is if your share of equity enough for you to buy another property, if not, you can stay in the house, and let him put a charge in the property.

Hope this help.

NAR

Enlightened, I would have thought you would NOT be entitled to benefits if you moved to Ireland, as you obviously have not been resident there for a number of years.

Enlightened_2

Fran,
Thank you, I have looked at this site and see that there is an agreement between EU countries to pay benefits if you have paid national insurance and tax in another EU country. :j That is the way I understand it anyway, so that is really useful link. It amazes me how people know these things! I suppose you live and learn!