Mum emigrating, I`m worried!

magic57

Hi I have no real suggestions for you but I just wanted to say what a lovely sister you must be. You are looking out for your brother and that is just great. I hope my two sons will always be there for each other.
Good luck to you both.

belfastgirl23

Personally I think you should keep well out of this. At the age of 20 your brother needs to be taking some responsibility for himself. If you get involved either he will resent you for it or he may well take advantage of it and you will slow down his maturing process. By all means be there if problems arise but I don't think you need to anticipate them just yet..

I do sort of feel this is only a bit of the story though. Do you want to move back anyway? Or do you want to move back to make a point to your mum? Are you sure it's all motivated by altruism? Ignore if not relevant but changing all your plans to be there for your 20 year old brother seems like such a big gesture that I'm wondering if you have some other things to sort out around this?

Paparika

He's 20?

Isn't it about time he looked after himself, I'm sure if he can find his way to the pub and the kebab shop he can organise accommodation on his own

I left home at 17 and have never asked my parents for anything (because they had nothing and not much money)

I'm 38 now and a mum of my own, my parents have just emigrated, best thing they ever did, they love it and are happier for it.

Don't make your mum feel guilty you have your life, she has her's she's done her job.

pollyanna24

I am also of the camp who say he is old enough to look after himself.

When my bf's brother was 18, he came to live with us for various reasons. We charged him £120 a month and I fed him, he didn't have to provide anything for himself.

Now we are having major problems in getting him out. He is 20 tomorrow. We gave him a year's notice to be out and that was in June 2007. He still hasn't found anywhere.

I feel that in charging him so little and feeding him, we have hindered him. He still acts like a teenager (which granted he is till tomorrow ). He is starting to feel like a noose around our necks which isn't fair as he isn't my problem. His parents live in Europe.

Louiseiana

Thank you very much for all the replies and advice :j

I`ll speak to them both at the weekend. Maybe I am being a bit overprotective. I don`t want to make my mum feel guilty.

Smashing - he has had bouts of depression in the past but has been fine for the past 6 months.

Since my last post my brother`s friends Mum has offered to let him stay during the summer, which is lovely of her.

ailuro2

maybe your mum is sick fed up of looking after everyone and really fancies a fresh start now her kids are all grown up and she has no husband to spend her maturing years with- it will do your brother no harm to fend for himself - he is 20 after all, and will have to cut the apron strings sometime.

This is a wonderful opportunity for your Mum, I think perhaps it's hard for you to see her as a mature woman who deserves to do what SHE wants for a change, instead, perhaps she is just 'Mum' to you??

CB1979_2

i agree it would be good for him & her blah blah blah, however you generally can't rent somewhere for 2 months over the summer (also generally the most expensive time for hotels, etc too) so unless something is sorted beforehand then i do think it's out of order.

the main thing is, it's between mum & son and OP should defo not come back as it could cause resentment towards mum & brother, as well financial implications.

lastly when i was at uni (5 years ago), i thought parents were still responsible for you legally whilst you were there for the first 3 years, ie their income was taken into account to determine loans/grants, etc, so i also feel she still has a responsibility even though he is a "man".

the other point is, i can't believe you're talking about this happening in the coming weeks and they haven't spoken or sorted anything out! talking about cutting it fine! lol