emigrating and ex's children

TITEASCRAMP

Mayb it would be best to speak to C.A.B. on what your rights are. I would in a few years time talk to your children and see how they feel. They will be 10 and 11 by then and I'm sure will have a view on what they want.
Maybe over the next few years, leave the ball in your ex's court on how much he see's them. Maybe if you didnt ring him or encourage him, he would drop off seeing them his self rather than it being all you iyswim.
Hope you sort it
x

Missus_LDP

I just wanted to say thank you to the op, I am in a similar situation myself having just enquired into the possibility of emigrating to Australia and to be honest i didn't really take into account the possibility that my ex could stop me and my husband taking our son out of the country! I know that sounds naive, but he has never really taken his responsibility to my son seriously (hundreds of missed visits and maintenance payments over the years), I guess I doubt that he would take it to court but it's definitely something I will have to bear in mind.

Hope it all works out for you Georgieb x

CB1979_2

i don't get it, just ask him.

Scarlett1

georgieb wrote: »

i think what i am trying to say is that they see their step dad as their dad and call him dad ( i have never suggested that they do) and they call their biological father by his first name. They dont ever talk about him when they dont see him, they dont seem to want to go and see him when he comes over. I think i am doing what maybe i should do but i dont want to.
Honestly their real father is a liar, unreliable and bad father and a bit of a waste of space with a mild alcohol problem but now i have said that i will probably get shot down!!
what do you do - its a hard one, of course i dont want them seeing him based on what i know of him and how unfair it is that the others get everything from his family and they dont. but its not about me igs about them that its about moving for abetter life and for my son to get hte best help with his difficulties. I have spoken to them about it and they seem fine about the prospect about moving somewhere else but they are only young.
woud a court really stop me if i can show everything and evidence it that its for my family to have a better life?

when you apply for a visa you will have to show confirmation agreeing to you taking your children out of the country, the ins and outs might be something that is tackled in a court or via a solicitor, look at this site as other people have come accross this problem when it came to migrating

http://britishexpats.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=54

Gingham_Ribbon

hobo28 wrote: »

One thing to bear in mind though is that maintenance would stop once you leave the UK.

And the other thing to bear in mind is that he is their father, pays maintanance regularly, sees them regularly and you are effectively stopping him being a father to them by leaving.

pandora205

Your ex may not be a 'good' father or contribute much to the children's lives but they will still be attached to him, if they have had regular contact. Surprisingly children even become attached when they are treated badly or inconsistently. This means that they would miss their father, whether or not they can voice this opinion (and it could show in their behaviour rather than in their thinking).
Another point to consider is that when your children reach adolescence they will go through a phase of wanting to know more about their origins (part of developing their identities). They will have questions about why their father is not part of their lives, what happened, does he love them, etc. Many late adolescents and and adults have these concerns and a feeling of not belonging because of their lack of roots, though other strong relationships help them belong.

To some extent this phase will happen whether or not you are living abroad.. but do think carefully about the effects. Your ex obviously has some feelings for the children to spend four hours per week with them, especially if he doesn't find it easy relating to them.

Sometimes its easy to focus on what you feel is best rather than other perspectives. Losing a parent (whether through abandonment, death or moving) is a serious life event.

Mojisola

georgieb wrote: »

I wanted to add that i encourage the children to see him each week or most weeks as they are never keen to go out with him and will never speak to him on the phone.

You have to encourage the children to see him - does he take them willingly or is he doing it under duress?