emigrating and ex's children

georgieb_2

Hi there,

My husband and I are seriously considering emigrating to either NZ or Oz.
We have 2 children together 2 and 1 and I have 2 children 6 and 5 from a previous relationship, my husband is a father to all of them and had raised my first two as his own since my oldest was 2 and the youngest was 8 months. I dont want to get into the finer details of things re half siblings as you will soon read and our reasons for going but just the final questions!! hope i make sense so far!

my ex is remarried and with a child i think but he hasnt deemed it important to tell us, he already has two children age 9 and 6 from a previous marriage, who my children have no contact with. He sees my two once a week for an average of 4 hours. He has never lived with my children in the past and has no imput in their upbringing other than the small amoutn he sees them for a week, but has paid maintenance monthly since they were born.
He has no parental responsibility for them and has not sought it yet.

We are considering as I said moving to oz or NZ sometime in the next five years. what I want to know is, could the ex stop us from moving, and should i think of anything else he could do and look into it. fwiw i dont feel he is a great father, they are kept quite a secret to others in his family and ceratinly arent treated the best but as i said that just my opinion.

look forward to any thoughts
thanks

RainbowChild_2

Even if he has no input. He has shared responsibility because you were married. So I am pretty much sure he would have to agree.

pukkamum

I think that the fact he sees the kids every week means he takes his duties as a father seriously and the kids obviously are used to seeing him every week so would it be fair to part them? On the other hand i am quite sure your ex could stop you from taking them out of the country after all he has paid maintenance for all these years and makes the effort to see them (a lot more than other fathers) so he will be wel within his rights to fight you about it.

georgieb_2

we were never married, and he never lived with us in fact he has two children with in 8 weeks of each other with 2 different women ,i dont think he took his responsibilities sensibly then. i am married to my 3rd and 4th childrens father. I wanted to add that i encourage the children to see him each week or most weeks as they are never keen to go out with him and will never speak to him on the phone. my eldest has asd and adhd and he has never wanted to know anything about it or made and effort to understand.
I am just trying to describe things I dont want to be judged by asking a question about something that concerns me.

november

My understanding is if he has parental responsibility he can stop you emigrating. You say he hasn't. However if he went to court he would be likely to be granted parental responsibility particularly as he has contact and pays maintenance. So I would say yes, he could get pr granted and then possibly go to court to stop you emigrating unless you could demonstrate it was in the best interests of the children to emigrate. Personally I would never have emigrated if it meant my children couldn't see their father or would miss the opportunity to know him as I wouldn't do so if it meant I couldn't see my children. I'm not judging you on your own circumstances though as only you know them and can judge what is in the best interests of your children.

G-G_4

Can you ask him what he thinks?

If you arn't looking to do it for 5 yrs maybe then at least you have plenty of time to suggest it to him and see his response?

You will have time for it to settle in then..

I think he can object to it, but if you try and do it without getting to that stage i'm sure it would be better.

pukkamum

georgieb wrote: »

we were never married, and he never lived with us in fact he has two children with in 8 weeks of each other with 2 different women ,i dont think he took his responsibilities sensibly then. i am married to my 3rd and 4th childrens father. I wanted to add that i encourage the children to see him each week or most weeks as they are never keen to go out with him and will never speak to him on the phone. my eldest has asd and adhd and he has never wanted to know anything about it or made and effort to understand.
I am just trying to describe things I dont want to be judged by asking a question about something that concerns me.

I hope you don't think i am judging you but to encourage the children to have a relationship with him and then take that relationship away is cruel, my father emigrated when he and my mum split up and it has always been a great sadness to me that i lost my relationship with him. You don't want your children turning round to you in later years and blaming you for them not having a relationship with their father.

georgieb_2

i think what i am trying to say is that they see their step dad as their dad and call him dad ( i have never suggested that they do) and they call their biological father by his first name. They dont ever talk about him when they dont see him, they dont seem to want to go and see him when he comes over. I think i am doing what maybe i should do but i dont want to.
Honestly their real father is a liar, unreliable and bad father and a bit of a waste of space with a mild alcohol problem but now i have said that i will probably get shot down!!
what do you do - its a hard one, of course i dont want them seeing him based on what i know of him and how unfair it is that the others get everything from his family and they dont. but its not about me igs about them that its about moving for abetter life and for my son to get hte best help with his difficulties. I have spoken to them about it and they seem fine about the prospect about moving somewhere else but they are only young.
woud a court really stop me if i can show everything and evidence it that its for my family to have a better life?

pukkamum

georgieb wrote: »

i think what i am trying to say is that they see their stap dad as their dad and call him dad ( i have never suggested that they do) and they call their biological father by his first name. They dont ever talk about him whenthey dont see him, they dont seem to want to go and see him when he comes over. I think i am doing what maybe i should do but i dont want to.
Honestly their real father is a liar, unreliable and bad father and a bit of a waste of space with a mild alcohol problem but not i have said that i will probably get shot down!!
what do you do - its a hard one, of course i dont want them seeing him based on what i know of him and how unfair it is that the others get everything from his family and they dont. but its not about that its about moving for abetter life and for my son to get hte best help with his difficulties.
woud a court really stop me if i can show everything and evidence it that its for my family to have a better life?

I can totally understand why you want to do it and to be honest love i'm not too sure what stance the court would take but i think you need to talk to both him and the children about it. x x x

hobo28

Whether or not he has PR is rather irrelevent. If he wants to take it to court, he will pretty much automatically get it.

His background and other children he's had is also irrelevent, as is your opinion of whether he is a good father or not.

Sorry to sound harsh but the only thing which matters to a court is whether the children are better staying in this country and maintaining contact with him or emigrating to Australia/NZ with you and your family.

Ex can try to stop you by applying to court for a prohibited steps order.

Given you have the status quo firmly in your favour, the fact he really only sees them for 4 hours a week and the fact the courts rarely refuse permission for the mother to leave, you probably would win. That said, courts can be a bit of a gamble.

One thing to bear in mind though is that maintenance would stop once you leave the UK.

ceebeeby

Hi Georgie,

I'm hearing loads about people wanting to move abroad and start new lives elsewhere (most of my family have already done it), preferring to get away from the politics of the UK etc (but that's another story!).

Anway, similar to you, I have one child from a previous partner, and have more children by my husband. With regards to serious decisions relating to her, even though it may only be one conversation per year, I always "just run it by him" - she only see's him once per year and is now a teenager, however, I do this for all three of our benefit (his, so he gets a say, her's, so she knows he got a say, and mine, so no-one can say you never asked me). I'm always think really carefully about the way I ask the question, so I get back the response I want (it's been about moving country, changing names etc. in the past). It's so much easier to do it this way, than go through any legal process, or be stopped from living the life you and your new family want to have. I hope it works out well for you.