Marriage ending - where to start?

Rummer

No longer relevant

floss2

I would suggest that you sit down with your OH to work out who will pay for what debt (if he will help out?) and how much you can expect in support for your daughter - realistically, after he has paid out for his new accomodation. You can get an idea of the CSA suggested figure from their website.

Then look at https://www.entitledto.co.uk and see what help, if any, you would be entitled to such as tax credits.

Also sort out any joint bank accounts together - so neither can empty it before the other person finds out. Share any funds & open a new account for yourself.

:grouphug:

loftus

Are you and your husband able to sit down and talk? If so, as Floss says, the best thing to do at first is to try and discuss the situation between yourselves and come to as much of an understanding as possible. The more amicable things stay the easier (and cheaper) it will be for everyone in the long term.
Also be kind to yourself and give yourself time to come to terms with what has happened.

something_girl

If you're separating, I would advise going to the CAB for advice on what you may be entitled to, sometimes its best to arm yourself with as much advice as possible personally, as well as talking to your OH. Things can get extremely tense when the subject of money arises, when a split is happening, no matter how amicable you think things are.

debs66_2

i remember that feeling well. you feel like you're blindfolded on a cliff top, and if you take a step forward you will fall.

what i can tell you is you won't fall. tell your family. you may be surprised by their reaction. the best thing i did was tell my mum. she said she hadn't liked how i had been treated for ages, but hadn't wanted to get involved in my marriage. her support when i told her was priceless.

you will get CSA help, and you will cope. you are at the crappy end of the stick at the moment, and I'm afraid things have to be done to get on.

the debt you need to deal with together, but other than that if you can work full time and be a mum, you can tackle this.

take one step at a time and get all the help you can, especially in terms of support from family and friends.

it will take a few months, and you will have some ups and downs, but once in charge of your pwn destiny, you will eventually feel empowered.

good luck from someone who is well out of the other end.

something_girl

I was lucky when I divorced, my ex moved abroad, but he felt sufficiently guilty to pay a good amount of maintenance, to make sure myself and the kids were ok. We've almost always been on good terms and he is now happy with a partner, living abroad. It can be done amicably, but obviously much easier if one partner has sufficient monies to share to make it an easy transition.

Rummer

Thank you for all your advice and support.

I am the main breadwinner in the family so there is very little chance of financial support from him. When I feel a bit calmer I will sit down with the budget planner and face the facts. I will call the CAB later today too so that I have all the information. Guess these things just take time.

something_girl

The very best of luck to you x

Rummer

I have done the math and I don't think I can afford to keep my house. Going to have to done some serious money saving (and earning)to have any hope of a future in my home with my DD.

Merlot

Alphie, post an income and outgoings on Debt Free Wanabee board and we will see if we can reduce your outgoings.

Don't forget you will be entitled to receive some form of Tax credits, is there much equity in the house?

You need to see a solicitor as soon as possible.

I'm sorry if this seems daunting and straight to the point, but my sister has recently got divorced and it can be stressful, you need to know where you stand.

Can you start and put some money aside for rental properties, you are unlikely to receive a council home if you sell your home etc, you will need to rent privately.

Merlot.x.

Rummer

Merlot thank you for your advice. How do I do that? Is there an existing thread or do I start a new one?