What would you do?

squidge60

i cant see any adult doing this at a party are you sure some of the scratches werent there before?i would have to have no doubt in my mind before going any further with this .

amandada

BernadetteN wrote: »

How do you know an adult has hurt your child? I personally would be vvery cautious about relying on a young child who was probably in the midst of several others. Unless you were there as a witness, I would have thought that it is far too late to be reporting anything to the Police. Yesterday is too late.

Never too late.

Are the hosts of the party aware of what happened? They may be able to shed some light on it...As much as I'd also be upset if a child of mine came home from a party in this state, something about the injuries and the person supposedly responsible doesn't stack up. Surely if an adult was doing something to inflict this degree of injury on a child, the child wouldn't be silent through it all?
I think if it were me I'd make enquiries with the hosting parents first

Nicki

squidge60 wrote: »

i cant see any adult doing this at a party are you sure some of the scratches werent there before?i would have to have no doubt in my mind before going any further with this .

I'm positive the scratches weren't there before he went to the party. There were several other children present when the incident happened and at least one other adult. That is the reason why its not clear to me whether it was horseplay which went too far, or more deliberate. When I picked him up he was pale and shaken, and when I spoke to the mum who hosted the party she had noticed that he went and sat quietly in the corner for the last 20 minutes or so and seemed very subdued.

I don't really want to describe in detail what he said happened just in case I do decide this needs to be taken forward. However when I told my son's school what had happened and also a close friend, they were both shocked, as the action was bound to be painful and quite forseeable that it would lead to an injury.

The real question is though, given that I'm not sure whether it was horseplay or malicious, but know that it was a stupid thing for an adult to do to a child, should I report it?

I'm taking him to the GP this evening to have the injuries photographed and documented, and am trying to get hold of the phone number of the woman who did it, and am going to phone her tonight to ask for her side of the story.

Mips

No it isn't too late to go to the Police, but surely you could glean some more information from the boy?

Did he feel this was done on purpose etc etc.. what was said to him...

amandada

Apologies, I missed what you'd said about the host already speaking to other people about it

You could always ask the police for advice, they're not just there to jail the "baddies" and are happy to give advice.
If police think there's grounds for a complaint of assault, then they'll likely arrange for your ds' injuries to be photographed properly by forensic staff

Nicki

Dippychick wrote: »

No it isn't too late to go to the Police, but surely you could glean some more information from the boy?

Did he feel this was done on purpose etc etc.. what was said to him...

He was told that she was doing what she was doing because he was cheating. I have asked him whether he thinks she was joking or whether she was serious, and he doesn't know which (understandably because he's never been treated roughly by an adult before, and is a quiet well behaved little chappie usually so he's quite shocked at what has happened). I'm also being careful not to keep asking him to tell the story, as that will make it more unreliable and also possibly distress him more. He told us once yesterday in detail, and will probably have to tell doctor again tonight, but that's it, unless we do involve the police.

quietheart

If I were a parent at a party gooning around with a child and something I did lightheartedly backfired I'd be waiting at the door to explain and apologise to the parents concerned.
It sounds like such a bizarre situation. Your poor son. He must've been so stunned to take himself off and wait for it to be over. Cuts and bruises? You would have to know if you've inflicted this, if it were accidental i just don't understand why they weren't falling over themselves to apologise......
Best of luck in sorting it out.
You sound like you're being incredibly sensible and non-emotional about it.:T

Nicki

rovers wrote: »

You sound like you're being incredibly sensible and non-emotional about it.:T

That's only on the outside, and because I don't want him to get even more upset about what's happened. Inside I am livid :mad: :mad: :mad: . That's also the reason why I'm dithering about what to do. My heart tells me to go to the police and scare the pants off this woman so she never does it again, but my head is saying that maybe I am too closely involved to make a dispassionate decision. I also don't want to do anything which will make this worse for my son. Is it better to be sympathetic to him and let it blow over, or for him to see that we will never stand by and let unjustified things happen to him?

It's been interesting reading this thread (and helpful), as there are clearly some people who don't believe him, so there must be a risk that if I did take him to the police that would also be the case. On the other hand, his injuries although minor in that they are just cuts and bruising are quite startling in the extent of the area they cover, and clearly painful. For what its worth everyone who I've told IRL (who all know my son) absolutely believe he is telling the truth about this.

Mips

Nicki wrote: »

That's only on the outside, and because I don't want him to get even more upset about what's happened. Inside I am livid :mad: :mad: :mad: . That's also the reason why I'm dithering about what to do. My heart tells me to go to the police and scare the pants off this woman so she never does it again, but my head is saying that maybe I am too closely involved to make a dispassionate decision. I also don't want to do anything which will make this worse for my son. Is it better to be sympathetic to him and let it blow over, or for him to see that we will never stand by and let unjustified things happen to him?

It's been interesting reading this thread (and helpful), as there are clearly some people who don't believe him, so there must be a risk that if I did take him to the police that would also be the case. On the other hand, his injuries although minor in that they are just cuts and bruising are quite startling in the extent of the area they cover, and clearly painful. For what its worth everyone who I've told IRL (who all know my son) absolutely believe he is telling the truth about this.

What was used to inflict the injuries?

You can't just go around causing cuts and bruises to peoples bodies.... that is illegal!!!!

Poor little lad.. you have witnesses anyways, those who saw him subdued afterwards - explain everything to the Dr and see what he says.

I would go to the Police after you have seen the Dr.

Child abuse is very serious - if she can do that to YOUR child, what the fook does she do to her own? :eek:

andyrules

How well do you know the other children? Could you visit them and get individual accounts of those who may have seen? I would agree with you - some 8 year olds are more reliable and honest than many adults, but then there are many whose tale you may not take literally!

Years ago my DS was beaten in the playground, and I asked all bystanders, separately, for their account. They all matched so it was a good indication of the truth. However, I did act quickly, so they weren't just retelling someone else's version.

Poor kid - hope it doesn't put him off parties.