Sister in severe debt

silsden

Hello

I haven't posted on this forum before although I am a big fan of Martin Lewis!

I'm hoping you might be able to give me some advice regarding my sister's situation.

She is a single parent with two children. She works full time as a nursery nurse and her annual salary is approx 11k before tax.

Her nursery fees a month are 550.00

She claims for Family Tax Credit. Her boyfriend has left her and she has had to reapply for her Family Tax Credit. They made a mistake with the calculation and therefore her claim will be delayed another 4 weeks. As a result she has not been able to pay her rent and for the second month running our family ahas had to bail her out.

Her previous partner didn't pay his share of the bills, so she has unpaid electric, gas and council tax bills. There are letters from the CCJ and bailiffs have started to come to her house.

She stupidly bought her partner a car last year on her credit card. The debt is in her name the car is in his name. He's refusing to pay her the 3K for the car. Her credit card is accruing interest as we speak and is currently unapid.

She has another credit card - I don't know how much debt is on it but there must be a few thousand.

My family and I are really fed up with her. She spends her money on going out/ sky subscriptions / booze, and seems to expect us to keep bailing her out. My dad has been bailing her out for years and is coming to the end of his tether. She doesn't seem interested in us helping her to work out a budget, or even tell us how much all the debts are.

She's very much sticking her head in the sand. Having read some of the threads on here I think this is a very common reaction.

I've printed off the ML debt factsheet and I will tell her about the CCCS, who I believe can negotiate reduced payments on your behalf with the creditors.

I'm also going to investigate the option of Involuntary Insolvency? Sorry, not sure if that's how you spell it, but it's on this website.

This is such a worrying and stressful situation, especially as there are kids involved.

If anyone can offer advice, it would be very gratefully received.

Thank you.

rayday2

I think to be honest you and your family need to withdraw you financial support then she will see the light whether her head is in sand or not!

You can support her with advice like CCCS which is great - giving her money is not teaching her any lessons and she needs to hurry up and learn with children to look after.

angelflower_2

unfortunately, you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink. It must be extremely frustrating and upsetting but unless she has hit her own rock bottom, she wont change. As harsh as it sounds, your family should consider not bailing her out any longer. She is on a low income and the claim delay for FTC isnt great but she will have to take responsibility for her own household. If the claim is delayed, she will still get it back paid and so should be able to contact her landlord to explain the situation - like you said, if she can have sky and go out, she can pay at least part of her rent! The best thing you can do is guide her, not push her and then let her deal with it. Sorry if that sounds bad but hopefully you understand what I mean.

MrsTinks

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink...

Yes there are loads of things that can be done, but unless she's willing to work at it then there is really no point.
You have offered her the help now leave her be until she realises that the real world has come calling. Tell your mum and dad to STOP bailing her out! She's not learnt her lesson and they are just throwing good money after bad!
Be there when she DOES have her lightbulb moment but she has to have that before you can help her.
As for her kids... in a worst case situation then could your parents house them? (NOT her- her kids!) Maybe that will be the wake up call she needs to sort herself out?

MrsTinks

snap angelflower!

epsilondraconis

The only 'financial support' I would provide would be in the form of food. This will ensure she and her children don't go hungry. I would stop giving her money. Clearly she has a sister and family that cares a great deal for her.

Maybe you could give it one last push with getting her started with a budget etc. Make it clear that this is last chance saloon and if she were to reject the support, you believe there is nothing more that can be done. Sometimes you have to be firm.

I don't envy your situation. Good luck...

silsden

Oh dear, seems like you all think we need to stop bailing her out.

Her kids are 8 and 14 months, that's what worries us all.

I'd happily see her sink to be honest but with kids involved, I'm worried that she'll end up homeless.

My parents won't have her stay with them, due to past bad experiences with her.

I'm going to give her one last chance to come straight with me and let me know what her debts are / outgoings / incomings etc and if she decides not to accept our help then so be it.

It's such a sad situation when someone doesn't want help, but like you all say, you can't lead a horse to water....

thanks for the tips everybody, I'll post and let you know how I get on.

Deep_In_Debt

Yes, I agree with the others. Stop bailing her out. My family bailed me out for years and it didn't help me or my debt problems. I just had the attitude that every time I needed dosh, my parents would bail me out and pay my debts off. I learnt nothing from it. Now I'm 27k in debt and I'm dealing with it myself as I can't ask my family any more. They are retired and they worked for their money for a better life and I'm taking it from them. They can afford to help me, but it's my problem now and I need to deal with it.

What I actually needed was a kick up the bum and someone to give me a wake up call.