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  • FIRST POST
    • sanyo1981
    • By sanyo1981 11th Jun 17, 6:02 AM
    • 5Posts
    • 3Thanks
    sanyo1981
    Wife doesnt like my mother for no real reason
    • #1
    • 11th Jun 17, 6:02 AM
    Wife doesnt like my mother for no real reason 11th Jun 17 at 6:02 AM
    First of all my name is Sanyo and I wanna say hi! Since is my first post(And a long one) I really appreciate the help and advice that everyone could give.

    My wife and I have been married for little more then a year, we are not from the same country. I met her when she was working in Hong Kong, she is from Japan and she is great, very caring, we get along well and we both love each other. Since young I have been really tight with my family, we immigrate to Canada together when my sister and I were young and when sis and I decided to work in Hong Kong because of the better Jobs offered, my parents also came back to be close to us. Basically in our family we don't have any secrets, and especially with mom we are really like good friends.

    I respect my wife a lot, and I am the kind of person who doesn't like to give out rules as long you can be happy, I am happy. So whatever my wife wanted I try my hardest to give it to her and solve any problem ahead. Me and my wife lived together for a year before we decided to get married, she also wanted to quit her job because she wants rest up her body because we might be planning to have a baby. I was fine with everything, even at the moment she wanted to take that break, financially it was abit risky for me to take all the burden. Still without hesistation I said ok. I worked harder find ways to make money and half a year into our marriage I got a big break, so financially I am ready to have our first baby.

    The problems lies here, her personality seems to change quite a bit after marriage. I admit I am a messy person, sometimes when I get home I just like to put things everywhere at home. So she would complain about that a lot and emotionally be very upset, also things like after using the toilet please cover the toilet seat. I am ok to let me know but no need to be so emotionally upset over it, but anyhow I wanted to try to make her happy so I change myself and basically now 90% of those things I do to her standards. (which I tell myself it is also for my own good)

    Basically all the marriage get along relationship problem I could solve, except this one problem that has really bother her now, me being close to my family, especially my mother. She doesn't like me to talk to my mom and parents that much. Like even how much I make, only she should know. Since now my workbase is in China, I am no longer close to my family. Once in awhile my mom miss me a lot so I would webcam phone chat with her about once a week, maybe 20 mins time. But she has been really irritated by it, at one point she got so angry and slam the door really hard while going to her room. I mean, we already don't have to live in the same house, and I never force you live together with my family. She also finds it very weird and tell me you are disgusting when my mom once in awhile text me say "Hi, how are you, what did you do today" She would then explain to me that she never does that, her parents never does that, man in japan they don't do that. Well guess what she should of chosen a Japanese men to begin with, but I feel now she is trying to change me.

    This part I cannot change, because I love my family greatly, they put so much heart into us since young and I don't like it when I hear people say bad things about them especially my wife. But the funny thing is my parents have nothing against her, and my parents think she is great and that she love them a lot, that's the biggest problem. So now I basically don't know what to do, I have talked about this topic with her too many times, I even ask her to talk to her friends(problem is she doesn't have many friends) and family but refuse to do so and she keeps a lot of things inside herself, but only shares with me and for me to solve it. This problem for me I cannot raise to my family as well cuz I don't want to break the relationship between my wife and my parents.

    Any advice whatsoever would be greatly appreciated! To make things worst since we are planning to have baby, she wants to have it born in Japan. Which is fine since I know is hard for a women so maybe she want to choose a hospital she is comfortable with and be close to her family. But we discussed the topic of the kid growing up, she also wants to move back to Japan and raise him in local school. We still have yet to comply with that and now I am having thoughts should we really be having a baby, will she let the baby see my parents, is realty stressful for me thinking about it. Also before marriage I talked about going back to Canada in the future if we decide to have kids, she was ok before but now she is really disgusted by that idea. I think is because she is worry if going there my parents will also be there! Like wtf we don't have to live in the same house even in the same city is not allowed?

    Help me out
Page 2
    • sanyo1981
    • By sanyo1981 11th Jun 17, 5:54 PM
    • 5 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    sanyo1981
    YES! She search about it and then said that to me! She would also tell me that her dad never talk to her mom -_-

    I still love her alot, but i also love my parents a lot. the confuse part is they do get along when they see eachother....omg
    • geminilady
    • By geminilady 11th Jun 17, 8:05 PM
    • 1,669 Posts
    • 7,083 Thanks
    geminilady
    Thank you everyone for your responses really appreciate it!

    I think a part might be she feel i might seem happier talking to my mother, which might be the case since i only talk to her for like 10mins on the phone a week sometimes not even since i don't live with her. But even a text message to my phone she would not be so comfy with it. The reasoning she tells me is she doesn't do that and their parents also don't text her or call or. They talk maybe on the phone 2-3 times a year, but the calls would be longer.

    I think is just the way she is, she wants me to do things her standards. And yes we lived together before marriage things were much better, might be because she was working so we don't spend so much time seeing eachother. Because my work is project base, once i finish the project sometimes i get one to two months off, that's what happened this time around and why the problem came up.
    Originally posted by sanyo1981
    Have you explained to your wife that your family are close and so are many other familys? I think it is quite sad she only talks to her parents two or three times a year and she should not expect you to be the same.Also to say you are "disgusting" for texting your mum is a massive over reaction, maybe she is jealous of your closeness I don't know.If she would talk to friends and family she would realise that it is she that is in the wrong.Maybe you could persuade her to go to marriage guidance.I know she says it should be kept between yourselves but talking together has not helped and I do not think it does anyone any good bottling things up.
    • Robisere
    • By Robisere 11th Jun 17, 8:39 PM
    • 1,502 Posts
    • 2,256 Thanks
    Robisere
    I think there are massive cultural differences between you and your wife, which have only become obvious since you both "relaxed" into married life. By that, I mean since you both settled into marriage and became relaxed enough for the differences to become plain.

    You have a decision to make about your wife, who in my opinion, (based only upon your information to the forum), wants to control you, your life and your family relationships. Do you want to go forward having your wife more and more in control of your life? Try to extrapolate the future together and imagine this situation getting worse.

    The decision is yours to make.
    There may be more than one way to skin a cat.
    But the result is always inedible.

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