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  • FIRST POST
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 19th May 17, 10:00 AM
    • 91Posts
    • 14Thanks
    JPB156
    We can't afford to live together and have children
    • #1
    • 19th May 17, 10:00 AM
    We can't afford to live together and have children 19th May 17 at 10:00 AM
    Hi have just joined the forum because me and my girlfriend are feeling so low in our situation.

    I am 35 and she is 30 and we have been together for 11 years, we are living with our parents and have been saving for a house, we earn about 34000 between us and have about 2300 a month after tax. We have found a house we both love but house prices are now so stupidly high, it's 190000 and we have a 40000 deposit. We can get a mortgage but we are worried about affording it in the future if interest rates rise, we feel we will be fine for a while but if we are paying anything above 10% we won't be able to do it and how can we put faith in it not going to that rate in the next 30 years.

    We want children and feel time isn't on our side there but if we have one then any savings we have would go on childcare so how would we pay for anything such as a car when ours has given up on us. A cheaper house is an option but there is so little choice in this area and feel if we wait much longer we will be priced out even more, rental prices are just as bad and keep going up aswell and then how do we pay rent after retirement. there is not much prospect of us earning more in the future.

    We just feel so trapped and that we will not only be unable to ever live together but also that means never having children. We feel so low and I've never felt worse, our relationship is so strong but I really feel scared for us and not being able to give her what she wants and deserves.

    Sorry for the long post
Page 18
    • warby68
    • By warby68 30th May 17, 8:24 AM
    • 788 Posts
    • 8,743 Thanks
    warby68
    If you are geuine OP, then please start living your life instead of waiting for it to start.

    I am pretty boring and unadventurous but by 35, I'd lived in 3 cities/towns, bought 3 houses, had 2 children , 2 major bereavements, several pets, 2 employers, 5 promotions and a few health issues as well as always partly looking after a widowed mum.

    I've survived - most of us do. You are stagnating if what you say is all true and the longer you do that, the harder it will be. Life is precious, time to start living it before it runs out on you.
    • DCFC79
    • By DCFC79 30th May 17, 9:51 AM
    • 29,722 Posts
    • 18,821 Thanks
    DCFC79
    I know its been repeated but find a place to rent and see if the 2 of you can actually live together. You could if you wanted too find a 1 or 2 bedroom and make a statememt to your gf.
    Je Suis Charlie
    • sweetbabu
    • By sweetbabu 11th Jun 17, 7:06 PM
    • 160 Posts
    • 122 Thanks
    sweetbabu
    Oh god. I thought this had died@
    • arbrighton
    • By arbrighton 11th Jun 17, 7:34 PM
    • 1,934 Posts
    • 1,789 Thanks
    arbrighton
    Oh god. I thought this had died@
    Originally posted by sweetbabu
    Same. And it had til some daft so and so decided to post mostly what had already been said, and repeatedly ignored
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 17th Jul 17, 2:30 PM
    • 91 Posts
    • 14 Thanks
    JPB156
    So thought I would update this. Actually took on some great advice from here and sorted myself out with all this and we put an offer in which was accepted. We have been so excited about it and it progressed to the later stages until this morning when the seller has pulled out, due to their new property not being practical for their children, seems a bit late in the day but there you go.

    Massively gutted and now don't know what lies ahead but that's life
    • Malthusian
    • By Malthusian 17th Jul 17, 3:11 PM
    • 2,563 Posts
    • 3,637 Thanks
    Malthusian
    Great news. Up until the point the seller played silly !!!!!!s, obviously. But that is the housing market for you, it happens to everyone. The fact that you overcame your mental block is far more important. Onwards and upwards. In my experience, with all the important things in life like houses and jobs, you never miss out on anything without something better coming along afterwards.
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 17th Jul 17, 3:26 PM
    • 91 Posts
    • 14 Thanks
    JPB156
    Most seem to be more expensive and out of our price range but back to looking again now.
    All felt too good to be true was going so smoothly and then hit with this out of no where.
    Thanks though we now just need to start again, my poor girlfriend was gutted, she found out on her lunch then had to go back to work need to cheer her up later somehow
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 17th Jul 17, 4:18 PM
    • 91 Posts
    • 14 Thanks
    JPB156
    The weirdest thing is the estate agent told us she was moaning about the solicitors on Friday saying that they were taking too long!?
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 20th Jul 17, 6:37 PM
    • 91 Posts
    • 14 Thanks
    JPB156
    Will having a mortgage offer go through affect our credit scores enough to harm the new application once we find another house?

    Thank you for any help
    • Out, Vile Jelly
    • By Out, Vile Jelly 21st Jul 17, 11:05 AM
    • 3,465 Posts
    • 11,419 Thanks
    Out, Vile Jelly
    That's a shame OP, but very common in the house buying process. No it shouldn't have any affect on your credit score. Get back on the phone to the agent to line up some more viewings. They know you are a proceedable buyer and not a timewaster.

    I got outbid on two properties, but the house I ended up buying was far nicer. So those other buyers did me a favour.
    They are an EYESORES!!!!
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 21st Jul 17, 1:33 PM
    • 91 Posts
    • 14 Thanks
    JPB156
    There's nothing affordable around at the moment, but the estate agent was so good with us and are looking out for anything. And I'm looking at right move app about 50 times a day
    • Angry Bear
    • By Angry Bear 21st Jul 17, 2:51 PM
    • 1,889 Posts
    • 4,611 Thanks
    Angry Bear
    Will having a mortgage offer go through affect our credit scores enough to harm the new application once we find another house?

    Thank you for any help
    Originally posted by JPB156
    Your mortgage offer is usually valid for around six months (depending on bank), so if you find somewhere else they may only need to do a valuation and not all the other mortgage hoops you already jumped through.
    Do you not know that a man is not dead while his name is still spoken?
    ― Sir Terry Pratchett, 1948-2015
    • JPB156
    • By JPB156 21st Jul 17, 4:25 PM
    • 91 Posts
    • 14 Thanks
    JPB156
    Apparently ours just goes back to a mortgage in principle.
    Can't believe it was so close and now we have to go through the whole process again
    • HurdyGurdy
    • By HurdyGurdy 29th Jul 17, 10:59 PM
    • 820 Posts
    • 3,039 Thanks
    HurdyGurdy
    I can't believe I have sat up until 11pm reading every post on this interminable thread, when I could have been tucked up in bed, very comfortable with Jack Reacher!!

    However, I am pleased that you did go ahead and make the offer on the house, and sorry that you have suffered the disappointment of having the seller back out, when you were so close. It is a rotten thing to happen, and something I bet the vast majority of us on the thread have experienced. It is soul destroying, but hang onto that new found confidence, and fingers crossed you will find something else that will be just as perfect for you.

    My "more irritated than an irritated thing at an irritated things reunion" post, having read right through to before the update, was going to be along the lines of - your parents clearly own their own home (or are mortgaged - but in any event it is not rented), and as you seemed determined to look on the darkest of dark sides, that you just stayed put living with your parents, not having to worry about enormous interest rate rises, not having to worry about improving your job prospects or wages, wait until they shuffle off this mortal coil, and live in your inherited home, which would be worry free for you.

    I am really pleased that this isn't the advice I have to give.

    But hellfire! I am not coming back to this thread again. I was relatively happy when I started reading it, but ready to drown my sorrows by page 4 (and I don't even drink).

    I wish you good luck. Oh, and the one piece of advice I STRONGLY suggest you take from this thread is to go private for your CBT. It sounds like you desperately need it, and goodness knows, you can afford it.
    • Molillie
    • By Molillie 2nd Aug 17, 2:45 PM
    • 48 Posts
    • 166 Thanks
    Molillie
    I think that you need to make a plan of action. Money seems such a huge concern to you, and if you really feel at the moment that your job situation is not going to improve, take on something else part-time (anything from Pizza delivery to weekend work if you have a Monday to Friday) You have few responsibilities at the moment, and maybe are focussing too much on possible problems. Keep yourself very busy.
    At the same time, think about what you'll do once you've bought. Renting out a room seems obvious, and can help a lot. Before any babies arrive, have a lodger, after, try airbnb or similar once the little one is not going to disturb guests at night. A friend spent quite a lot on decorating for airbnb visitors, and paid for it very quickly, and now makes a decent amount and doesn't have to let the room when she doesn't want to. Overpaying the mortgage as much as you can will help you with feeling secure. Use Youtube for information on decorating, etc., and the OldStyle board here for general help and advice. The Mortgage free wannabe board has some amazing diaries which should help you. If you aren't keen on your job, do you have an idea for something else? Or a subject you'd like to know more about. You have a long time to go before retirement, and also many job areas are changing with the internet and possibilities for remote working. Give yourself a to-do list each day or so, and make the whole thing a project. Keep in touch with the estate agent constantly, so they'll know you are still a serious buyer,
    There are also lots of vlogs on Youtube on saving or getting out of debt, and some of these can be very inspiring. Good luck.
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