Wedding Question - when you only know the groom and best man

divadee · 15 January 2016 at 5:09PM

My partner has been invited to be a best man at his best friends wedding. He is naturally excited as they have been friends since school. We live 5 hours drive away and I've only met the groom once.

Now I feel uncomfortable going as a guest as I will basically be by myself all day as partner is sitting at the top table. I would be with other normal guests.

It's causing a bit of anxiety for both of us, partner wants me to go, I don't really want to as it will be the church and sit down reception all by myself with no one else I know and then I wouldn't really see partner till the evening. I'm not the most confident of people and I have been suffering from depression due to having M.E.

Am I being selfish? Should I just try and man up and get through it as best as possible? It's just making me very anxious and it's not even for months yet!!!! I just couldn't imagine talking to all strangers while my partner is on the other side of the room all day.

duchy · 15 January 2016 at 5:20PM

If you really don't want to go then don't

@divadee won't be able to make the wedding due to a prior commitment/health reasons <depends how confortable you are saying health) but will be coming in the evening@

Job done

Bride and groom will probably be happy to have an extra invite for the day to offer to someone who does want to attend and you get a relaxing day at your hotel (book one with a spa and pamper yourself for the afternoon)

Maybe book your room at a different hotel if the reception is at a hotel though !!

CRANKY40 · 15 January 2016 at 5:20PM

Compromise? Go to the church then back to your hotel for a rest while he does speeches/sit down reception so that you have enough energy to enjoy the evening do with him?

peachyprice · 15 January 2016 at 5:23PM

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, it's an awkward situation to be thrown in to.

How about a compromise, he goes to the wedding/sit down and you meet up with him at the evening reception where he'll have the time to spend with you.

ravilious_fan · 15 January 2016 at 5:25PM

Is it necessary for you to be apart from each other all day? I haven't been to that many weddings but if you explain the situation to the groom and bride I'm sure they will understand and not expect someone who doesn't know anybody at all to sit on her own all day.

Person_one · 15 January 2016 at 5:26PM

Best man duties aren't the whole day. He'll be at the front for the ceremony but you won't be talking during that anyway. You'd be sat away from him for the meal, yes, but a considerate bride and groom will probably try to put you on a table with people who will include you and make you feel comfortable. After that, there's nothing keeping you separate apart from a bit of general mingling and people congratulating him on his speech.

Its hard for me to say, because I can't know how badly your anxiety/depression will affect you, only you can predict it. If it were me though, I'd definitely go, I'm sure your partner will be delighted if you do and its a great chance for you to meet some of the other people who are important in his life. You might even find you get on with some of them and end up enjoying yourself.

divadee · 15 January 2016 at 5:26PM

CRANKY40 wrote: »

Compromise? Go to the church then back to your hotel for a rest while he does speeches/sit down reception so that you have enough energy to enjoy the evening do with him?

Thanks cranky40. That's the exact clear thinking I needed!! That is a perfect compromise.

Sometimes you are so close to a situation you really can't see the wood for the trees!!

CRANKY40 · 15 January 2016 at 5:35PM

It'll work better for him too - he can concentrate on his duties without worrying if you're ok. The happy couple will know you want to be there if you go to the church (which is easy enough to do on your own as everyone does the same stand up, sit down, sing and so on) and your partner can say with complete honesty that if you came to the reception it would make you too tired and ill for the evening party when you're looking forward to meeting his friends with him.

Ms_Chocaholic · 15 January 2016 at 5:36PM

Sorry to hear of your predicament. Surely you will not be apart as much as you think through the day, yes for the service but once everyone comes out of church you'll be able to be with your OH with him only being in a few of the photos. Also at the reception, it'll only be at the meal which surely can't be longer than a couple of hours) then everyone will mingle again. Clearly I do understand your anxiety regarding being on your own but it may not be as bad as you think.

princeofpounds · 15 January 2016 at 6:37PM

The more you talk to people you don't know, the easier the whole experience will be, simply because it gets less awkward the more you get to know people. That sounds a bit facile, but it's actually an important point.

I'd actually suggest not skipping the meal, because you will normally be placed on a table you might have something in common with, and it's very much easier to talk to people for a defined time and food to eat when you aren't talking. Plus the speeches of course.

Unless you really enjoy dancing and drinking, and there are more people coming for the reception, in which case maybe just get stuck into that bit.

But the general idea of not attending the entire event is perfectly viable.

Torry_Quine · 15 January 2016 at 6:43PM

I think that going to the ceremony, missing the meal and going to the evening reception sounds like a good compromise. I wouldn't want to be seated away from my husband at a wedding either, the thought of talking with strangers would be too much for me.

Wedding Question - when you only know the groom and best man

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