first "date" in 14 years

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worried_jim
worried_jim Posts: 11,631 Forumite
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in Marriage, relationships & families
Looks like I will be going on my first "date" in 14 years next weekend.

I've hid myself away after getting heartbroken so bad in 2002 after my partner said that she didn't love me anymore and that I had to move out. The pain lasted for years.

I couldn't put myself through that again but I have turned 40 and decided to give it another go.

I joined pof, not expecting much, most emails I get I ignore (they look like nutters) but a few weeks ago whilst on holiday (and drunk in a bar) I got an email from a normal sounding person so I responded thinking two thousand miles would be a safe distance between us and we swapped messages most nights.

On my return we have continued to text each other and I have done everything I can to put her off- not in a bad way but letting her see current photos of me and looking at my FB profile and she is still keen.

We are going to talk to each other tonight and I expect to meet in person next weekend (she has plans already this weekend). I wanted to save it all for the first meeting but talk we will.

I don't know what to expect but I really need to start doing this as 12 years single is too long and time and opportunities are slipping away.

Any words of advice please? Jim.
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  • ljonski
    ljonski Posts: 3,337 Forumite
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    Any words of advice please? Jim.
    Don't Worry
    "if the state cannot find within itself a place for those who peacefully refuse to worship at its temples, then it’s the state that’s become extreme".Revd Dr Giles Fraser on Radio 4 2017
  • Primrose
    Primrose Posts: 10,621 Forumite
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    Just try and be yourself. But read the newspapers avidly for the next week so you have plenty of interesting topics to talk about if the conversation looks like drying up.
    And try not to talk too much about the the pain you suffered over your breakup, even if it still hurts. It risks making you appear self centred, even if you are not. Focus on your new friend and the points of interest in her life
  • SailorSam
    SailorSam Posts: 22,754 Forumite
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    If you've spoken for a couple of weeks by email well the ice has been broken, she's probably as nervous as you so just try and relax and be yourself.
    And don't try to put your hand up her jumper.
    Liverpool is one of the wonders of Britain,
    What it may grow to in time, I know not what.

    Daniel Defoe: 1725.
  • whitewing
    whitewing Posts: 11,852 Forumite
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    Enjoy yourself!
    :heartsmil When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.
  • kingfisherblue
    kingfisherblue Posts: 9,203 Forumite
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    You're bound to be nervous - but she probably is too! I can't really add much to what has already been said, but wanted to wish you luck.
  • oscarward
    oscarward Posts: 898 Forumite
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    No advice but just to wish you good luck.


    Been there, done that. Just celebrated silver wedding anniversary so it's not all gloom and doom....
  • Tuesday_Tenor
    Tuesday_Tenor Posts: 998 Forumite
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    See the advice given, in her original thread, to another poster scared about a first date after 12 years.

    Marvel, in her follow up, at just how well it turned out!

    DON'T expect that it always turns out like this!!!

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5064196

    Just enjoy. Be yourself. Be interested in her.
    Your posts on here have always been entertaining; hopefully you are in person, too!

    If you click, you click.
    If you don't, never mind.

    Nothing ventured, nothing gained, and all that ...
  • worried_jim
    worried_jim Posts: 11,631 Forumite
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    Okay- call lasted an hour, I was amazed at how nervous she sounded. I am very confident in the workplace and spend all day on the phone so I just adopted that frame of mind and it was fine.

    Very funny conversation, we had both just had chicken curry, and we have both been to India so there was some good talking points!

    She said that she wants to talk again and I think that if we do meet (I hope we do) we will get on just fine.

    I will keep you posted- I will probably need some more advice.

    SailorSam- "And don't try to put your hand up her jumper." Brilliant!
  • meritaten
    meritaten Posts: 24,158 Forumite
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    no advice really - just wanted to say 'Good Luck'. I have enjoyed your posts too - you sound really nice.
  • mum2one
    mum2one Posts: 16,279 Forumite
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    Good for you,

    youve had some brilliant advice, just to say look for subjects that you share, - as starters you have india to talk about, just dont expect too much from the 1st date, as it may be your both nervous, even thou you've chatted, texted etc, the first meeting is still a big step, relax and take it as it comes.

    x
    xx rip dad... we had our ups and downs but we’re always be family xx
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