Is debt really a dirty little secret for some?

Tommy81 · 11 April 2014 at 11:33PM

Hey

Since joining MSE I have read many stories of people in similar amounts of debt to me (30K) and yet I know nobody in my real life with this level of debt apart from myself!!!!

Is it because people keep it secret or am I really such a minority?

If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply!

[threadbanner]box[/threadbanner]

marliepanda · 11 April 2014 at 11:37PM

I guess its less a 'secret' but that we don't tend to talk about debt?

No one goes 'oooh I just got myself a 4x my salary debt' they talk about the awesome house they got (I know mortgages are a bit different)

But a lot of my friends have fancy new cars on finance. They show them off, but no one goes, 'oooh so I lent £6k on 19% APR, whats your debt?' they just compare their new cars! Where I have a dinky ten year old Micra

I just dont think we talk about money, its a bit rude to ask someones salary or what they spent on things so I guess saying 'oh so whats your debt' is a bit odd. I have a few friends who are on debt busting plans like me, but I dont know what their debt is...

littlefluffyclouds · 11 April 2014 at 11:38PM

Tommy81 wrote: »

Hey

Since joining MSE I have read many stories of people in similar amounts of debt to me (30K) and yet I know nobody in my real life with this level of debt apart from myself!!!!

Is it because people keep it secret or am I really such a minority?

I think the majority of people find it hard to talk about as we are so embarassed about it, it is so personal, and I guess that if we don't talk about it, in our own heads we think that it will just disappear..

Just my view.
Don.

financialdisease · 11 April 2014 at 11:51PM

My hubby's debt will definitely be kept a secret because I am embarrassed by it and how he thinks its okay to borrow so much more than he can afford to pay back with out telling me

Maybe if people talked about it more openly then *we* might be more aware of it s consequences.

p999j · 12 April 2014 at 5:33AM

You've the same amount of debt as me. 4 credit cards, 2 loans. Was working a good paying job and did not restrain my spending. Also supported my elderly mother.

Yes, I am embarrassed. I became ill with Inflammatory Bowel Disease, Irritable bowel Syndrome and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I have not been able to work for 2 years. I spend most of my time on my sofa, exhausted.

I find it very difficult dealing with money, and have gone to a financial advisor, who is helping me with a DAS and a government mortgage support option. I have had to take a lodger into my home. It is a case of keeping the wolf from the door, but I think the lack of communication about it is mostly embarrassment, but just like politics and religion, money, especially debts, is a subject best avoided for polite conversation.

However with close friends, it should be an option, and I REALLY think home economics needs to be taught in much ore depth in school.

I wish you luck in paying off your debt- I can't imagine the freedom of being debt free, but just imagine life without that burden. I know even if it takes me ten years I will be so happy to see it gone (along with my very bad credit rating, with 6yr lapse) so good luck

Trishiapp · 12 April 2014 at 7:04AM

I never understood the secrecy surrounding money and debt. Some people who do have a lot of money do not talk about it because of fear that they will be taken advantage of. On the other hand ( this applies to majority of our society) people in debt carry a lot of shame and anxiety and hide it away, even from their family and friends.

There seem to be a misconception in our society that, money equals success. It's as though, if you are in debt, you are not fully responsible adult. We can be fantastic parents or brilliant at our jobs, but the minute we mention debt, all our achievements are diminished.

Of course, debt does not mean we are irresponsible or unworthy. Oftentimes our lives take us on journeys beyond our control : illness, sick pets and hefty vet bills, divorce, redundancy and other emergencies. Even if we live beyond our means, that's only because our society has taught us that, we are unworthy without stuff, so we try to buy acceptance.

For me, it was the lack of financial education from my parents. Much like the rest of society, they avoided the subject of money and never disclosed how on earth did they feed five children on one salary .

Since joining this site, I have not only learned how to budget, but have also paid everything off. I will never get into any debt again. This is not because I am ashamed of debt, but because I no longer perceive money and material stuff as a reflection of my success.

cmcavon · 12 April 2014 at 8:00AM

I certainly feel like this, being in debt can feel very lonely. I have one friend who knows about my debt and obviously my hubby. That's why I like to browse this forum, to reassure myself it's not just me.

hettiecarro · 12 April 2014 at 8:24AM

cmcavon wrote: »

. That's why I like to browse this forum, to reassure myself it's not just me.

I think we all need reassurance on our debt free journey.
For me it has been a long hard slog ( 5 years up to now), but as I get nearer to my debt free day I find myself re-evaluating what I have done in those 5 years - and though financially I've pulled the reins in, my life is so much 'richer' in many ways.
I have learned to appreciate the countryside, my family, and have learned many new ways to entertain myself rather than buying things.
For those of you starting your DF journey - stick at it.
Not having to impress other people is very liberating. The green eyed monster still gets to my OH when neighbours roll up in a new registration car

- but more cynically I ask myself how long they will be paying for it - presumably well after the 'novelty' of this years registration has worn off.
And finally - GUESS WHAT - the sun still comes up each morning - and my true friends remain so.
Thanks to everyone on here that is helping me through this, and to those still getting to grips with their debt who share their experiences with us. :A

Hettie x

Sellurgranny · 12 April 2014 at 8:45AM

I don't think alot of people see their debt as being 'dirty' - Im amazed at how one friend in particular merrily spends every cent they have and then is busy telling me that they are still on a mortgage payment holiday and haven't paid anything towards their mortgage in over a year. I just think people don't appreciate what that kind of debt has the potential to do if circumstances change quickly.

Im on my debt free journey, I've cleared all my unsecured debt and now have two big £15k debts which are secured on my house and will take a long time to shift. But at least I acknowledge their prescence and am beginning to tackle them.

Being a child/young adult of the 80s we were brought up to think we could have whatever we wanted, when we wanted it - thanks to massive credit and the like. So I think people of my age don't view debt in the same way that other's might and therefore don't so much view it as a dirty secret, than just a way of life.

fedupandskint · 16 April 2014 at 7:04AM

I had to learn to be open about my debt and talk to those important to me about it. For many years I kept it to my self and it played on my mind endlessly about the money I owed. None of my friends knew or ever spoke of how much they owed.

Once I took the step and braved telling my family what I was doing to repay the credit card and loan debts I found they supported me, not financially, and this made a big difference to me sharing my plans and telling them what I was doing.

Since then I've paid of my credit cards and closed them down, overpaying on a loan now. Turns out since I've been more open with friends too, some of them have been in, or are in similar situations themselves. We never spoke about it before. Guess it's easier not to talk about it in the short term but more difficult in the long term. Certainly for me it was.

Good luck to you, it's hard going repaying debt. At times it feels like it will never end then you realise you're making progress and can see the amounts coming down. That's when it helps to have other people telling you every little helps to repay no matter how small the amount.

Happier_Me · 16 April 2014 at 7:30AM

We have a debt of around £30k - this relates to a PCP on 2013 Audi. A new car is our one luxury that we allow ourselves, we rarely go out and we holiday on the cheap. Having been burnt in the past with expensive but unreliable second hand cars a new car was the way to go for us. It is the only debt we have with the exception of a mortgage that will be paid off within the next two years. For someone who has never been comfortable with debt this is also the only sort of debt I have found I can live with because I treat the monthly repayment as a lease on the car.

I am not ashamed of this debt at all, anyone that sees my car is likely to sumise I didn't pay for it in cash. The vast majority of new cars are paid for on PCP - even private sales. There are a lot of newish cars on the road so excluding company vehicles that's a lot of people in a lot of debt just for a car.

My best friend owed well in excess of £30k at one point but this was a result of life style choices. She had her lightbulb moment two years ago and her DH follows along with her plan to clear debts all be it reluctantly. We discuss her debt openly but I am one of two people who she has confided in. My DB in law also has CC debt of £7k, all as a result of overspending prior to having children. Now they do not have the means to pay anything otherthan the minimum payment each month. Again I don't think many others know outside of immediate family.

Maybe the type of debt or how this was acquired affects whether this is viewed as acceptable or not?

Is debt really a dirty little secret for some?

Comments

Categories

Get our FREE Weekly email full of deals & guides - and it’s spam-free