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  • FIRST POST
    ribenagirl
    Cash as a wedding gift - any advice??
    • #1
    • 21st May 06, 11:13 AM
    Cash as a wedding gift - any advice?? 21st May 06 at 11:13 AM
    We are invited to a friend from work's evening reception in a couple of weeks time, and as they have been living together for a while (and are planning on getting a loft extension done) they have asked for money as a wedding gift (not even vouchers or anything, just cash!!)

    Part of me really wants to give them what they've asked for, but the other part of me feels a bit uncomfortable to hand over cash which will just get swallowed up into a bottomless pit and will then seem very 'anonymous'. Knowing the groom as well, it's just as likely it'll end up being spent on Playstation games or beer

    We did ask for cash or vouchers for our own wedding, but we kept a record of specifically what we bought with that money so that we could let the person who gave it know exactly how it had been spent, but you can't really do that if your money is going into some giant pot!

    Any advice? Not sure (a) how much we should give - we have only been invited to the evening, so what's the going rate? (We live in the Midlands) Also, (b) any tips on how we could make the cash seem more of an actual 'gift' and something of value, if you know what I mean?

    Thanks xx

    Last edited by MSE Archna; 31-05-2006 at 2:22 PM.
Page 1
  • jo_b
    • #2
    • 21st May 06, 11:22 AM
    • #2
    • 21st May 06, 11:22 AM
    Somebody else had a similar dilemma over on the Old Style board a while ago.
    See HERE

    Might give you some advice and things to think about. :confused:
  • miaxmia
    • #3
    • 21st May 06, 11:27 AM
    • #3
    • 21st May 06, 11:27 AM
    I think it might depend on how good a friend this person is. I have been invited to a friend's daughter's evening reception and plan to give £25.
    • pavlovs_dog
    • By pavlovs_dog 21st May 06, 11:32 AM
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    pavlovs_dog
    • #4
    • 21st May 06, 11:32 AM
    • #4
    • 21st May 06, 11:32 AM
    when i was in the states, i found a great book on origami gifts you could make using paper money. depending on how good your folding skills are, this is one avenue you could consider to make your cash look a little more impressive. there are loads of origami for beginners guides online and in your local library
    know thyself

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  • Thriftylady
    • #5
    • 21st May 06, 12:01 PM
    • #5
    • 21st May 06, 12:01 PM
    Requests for cash set my teeth grinding... vouchers are fine, but cash, grrrr...in fact, requests for any specific gift gets my back up. I'm ok with wedding lists if they are a 'guideline' but I hate it when they are specific demands of the "we won't accept anything else" variety.

    giving a wedding gift is meant to be about celebrating the event and congratulating the happy couple, not about funding their loft conversion......

    I'm going to stop ranting now.
  • Bossyboots
    • #6
    • 21st May 06, 12:27 PM
    • #6
    • 21st May 06, 12:27 PM
    Requests for cash set my teeth grinding... vouchers are fine, but cash, grrrr...in fact, requests for any specific gift gets my back up. I'm ok with wedding lists if they are a 'guideline' but I hate it when they are specific demands of the "we won't accept anything else" variety.

    giving a wedding gift is meant to be about celebrating the event and congratulating the happy couple, not about funding their loft conversion......

    I'm going to stop ranting now.
    by Thriftylady
    I totally agree with you.

    I agree with wedding lists, as we actually got a number of things we still haven't used from nearly 26 years ago so I do prefer to know I am buying something useful to the couple, but I won't give money.
    • skystar
    • By skystar 21st May 06, 5:24 PM
    • 529 Posts
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    skystar
    • #7
    • 21st May 06, 5:24 PM
    • #7
    • 21st May 06, 5:24 PM
    I would never give cash as a wedding present or birthday/christmas present come to that.

    When we got married two years ago we got some cash and it was a bit of a nightmare to try and keep track of it as most of it was given to us at the reception in cards and hubby had initially opened the cards took the money out "to keep it somewhere safe" and then forgot who had given it to him

    We did have a wedding list but again this was more of a guidleline as to what we would like.

    To be honest I would just have been happy for everyone just to be there. But obviously people want to get you a present.

    When my sister's sister-in-law was getting married she also only wanted cash. My sister refused and bought here a present. Think I would do the same to be honest.
  • Dora the Explorer
    • #8
    • 21st May 06, 5:53 PM
    • #8
    • 21st May 06, 5:53 PM
    Asking for cash never used to happen. I think it's incredibly discourteous to do something which could embarrass guests before they've even set foot over the doorstep. In fact, it almost looks like an admission fee to the reception.
    I'd be tempted to give them a B &Q voucher, so they can spend it on wood, cement and bags of nails. Actually to be honest the look of stunned amazement on my face when someone told me they wanted money off me if I wanted to attend the reception would be good enough for them to dis-invite me PDQ.
  • Lillibet
    • #9
    • 21st May 06, 6:23 PM
    • #9
    • 21st May 06, 6:23 PM
    How about a bottle of champers with a tag attached saying that it's to christen the completed conversion?

    Personally I usually give money for wedding presents anyway, far more useful than inflicting my taste on someone else especially when I've never been to a wedding where the couple haven't been living in their own home/s for years & already have at least one of all the traditional gifts. The way I see it, any other gift might be a waste of money, and the MSE'r in me can't bare that!

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    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 21st May 06, 6:42 PM
    • 18,570 Posts
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    Spendless
    I don't mind giving cash or a voucher (and a £10 note costs the same as a £10 voucher) if I can afford it. What I dislike is the lack of choice. If I'm skint I might have something suitable in my present cupboard or I might stumble on a bargain in the sale. Asking only for cash or vouchers takes that option away.
  • rainee
    our wedding present list is for a loft conversion but we have a list of supplies we need and for every bit bought it will be photoed and and sent with a thank you note.
    the room is for us no one else except my daughter will have her own room with own door and not having to go through her brothers!
    my friend asked if she needed to gift wrap the plaster board!!
    • cattie
    • By cattie 21st May 06, 8:02 PM
    • 7,622 Posts
    • 5,129 Thanks
    cattie
    I would never give cash as a wedding gift & think it's a bit on the vulgar side for people to ask for it. A gift voucher is more acceptable.

    The original idea of wedding gifts was to enable the couple to get items to make a home together. Now most couples live together & already have had a home for sometime, sometimes even two homes. This to me negates the need for anything other than a token gift.
    The bigger the bargain, the better I feel.

    I should mention that there's only one of me, don't confuse me with others of the same name.
    • VickyA
    • By VickyA 21st May 06, 8:06 PM
    • 4,269 Posts
    • 19,889 Thanks
    VickyA
    I've never been to an evening reception where they've asked for presents. Nor will I be sending our gift list to people attending our evening do.

    Am I abnormal/know the wrong people? :confused:
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    • Rachie B
    • By Rachie B 21st May 06, 9:33 PM
    • 8,719 Posts
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    Rachie B
    for just an evening do id only give £10- £15
    id only give more if i was a guest all day

    i hate the "asking for cash " thing too
  • Rachel85
    How about getting them cash for wherever they're going on honeymoon? Put it in a little envelope and suggest they buy something to remember their holiday.

    A few years ago my manager from work got married and although she didn't ask for money, we ended up giving her this (much to my disapproval). We pooled all the money together and changed it into dollars for them to spend on their honeymoon.

    The bonus is that they probably won't work out how much you've put in as it'll be in a different currency, and also most currencies offer more of their currency to the pound (ie. you get more euros, dollars, etc for your quid!)

    Alternatively is their a home furnishing shop that they particularly like? If so could you buy them a voucher from there and suggest they spend it when they come to furnish/decorate their loft conversion? Somehow, whilst a £10 voucher is the same as a £10 note the voucher looks like you've made more effort!

    BTW: Debenhams now do a little box to put gift cards in. Its free if you put £50 on the gift card, £1 if not.
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  • melancholly
    i guess in some cultures money is the norm.... like chinese weddings.... seeing how much some people spend on weddings and the price change from a standard-anything to a wedding-anything, i can understand cash if they're using it to pay for some of the reception.

    or alternatively, just write a cheque so then they know it's from you, and it can't be spent without at least spending some time in their bank account first! as far as value goes, i couldn't afford anything more than £20/£25 anyway!!
  • pdoff
    when we got married we sent a list for day guests - items began at £2 as there were some students invited! didn't send one for evening guests as did not expect presents from them. we said similar items were fine as long as they let us know so we didn't end up with 5 toasters, then if they found them cheaper elsewhere it was ok. the problem with buying something not asked for is it is a waste if never used - we have boxes with glass bowls & wine glasses in from our wedding which have never been & probably never will be used as they are just not us. seems a shame that someone went to the time & effort of choosing something that wasn't used.
    the problem i have with cash is they know just what u have spent! i too buy things in advance when on offer, knowing that people are getting married or whatever - my friends were given a set of cutlery & a set of crockery that i got reduced (nothing wrong with them) - if i hadn't got them the present would have looked rubbish as i had not much cash at the time.
    i like the idea of buying bits for the conversion.
    do u know them well enough to confide your feelings & see if there is anything they can think of that they would like? or maybe mention u have seen a lovely vase or whatever & wondered would they like that instead.
    good luck!
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  • Lucie
    our wedding present list is for a loft conversion but we have a list of supplies we need and for every bit bought it will be photoed and and sent with a thank you note.
    the room is for us no one else except my daughter will have her own room with own door and not having to go through her brothers!
    my friend asked if she needed to gift wrap the plaster board!!
    by rainee
    This is a great idea. I would much rather buy someone a few floorboards than give them the money!
    My Parents have been invited to a wedding without a list, but with a request for contributions towards the honeymoon (African Safari). I told my Mum to buy them a pair of binoculars & a bottle of insect repellent!
    My friend Sam works on the theory that you should pay for your food with your wedding gift, so if you're invited to the day you would spend more than if you were only going to the night do.
  • ribenagirl
    Thank you!
    Thanks very much all of you - more decisive now that I am NOT in fact going to give cash!

    I like the B&Q voucher idea, we could perhaps specify that it is for a tin of paint for their loft conversion or couple of rolls of wallpaper or something (at least that way I'd feel like I was getting them SOMETHING...) and the bottle of champers idea to christen it with so think we will do one of those
  • purplepurple
    Friends of ours bought us a houseplant (can't remember the name of it, but it's got lots of branches!) and taped 30 pound coins to ribbon and hung them all over the tree/plant (bit like christmas tree decorations)...
    it looked fantastic - they said it was a money tree - and we've still got it 7 years on to remind us of them (we used the money obviously!)
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