How to deal with a brother TAKEN over parents finances..

Rosieandjim · 11 September 2017 at 2:14PM

I am sorry if I have made people angry with wishing for the son number 2 to have some inheritance to look forward to. I thought that all parents worked their butts off to leave their offspring a comfortable buffer in life. I certainly have. I could not live with myself if I thought one son was syphoning off money for himself without the other son also benefitting.

And when I mention inheritance I mean after any care home fees are paid for which could cancel the lot out anyway.

Sorry there is no easy answer to this problem, if it was my mother I would certainly make her aware that if she keeps this up there will be no care for them if they are deemed to be depriving themselves of assets. Maybe she already knows this deep down and wants Son one to have it now.

Pollycat · 11 September 2017 at 2:25PM

Rosieandjim wrote: »

I am sorry if I have made people angry with wishing for the son number 2 to have some inheritance to look forward to. I thought that all parents worked their butts off to leave their offspring a comfortable buffer in life. I certainly have. I could not live with myself if I thought one son was syphoning off money for himself without the other son also benefitting.

I certainly don't think all parents work their butts off to leave their offspring a comfortable buffer in life.
Not all parents can afford to do that. Mine certainly couldn't.
That you have is your choice.

But really - why should parents do that?
They have brought children up. Shouldn't those children make an independent life for themselves once they are grown up and not expect their parents to scrimp through their later lives rather than enjoying life simply in order to give their offspring a 'comfortable buffer'?

I always encouraged my own parents to spend their money on doing things they would enjoy rather than having one eye on what might be coming to me one day.

Lots of parents don't treat their children the same.
My own parents didn't - and still don't.
I don't begrudge that for several reasons.
1. it's none of my damn business
2. I'm in a better position financially than my younger siblings

Article50 · 11 September 2017 at 2:30PM

Ok how is this for a possibility ?

I presume your brother "receives" the bank statements, do you know if they actually come through the post or does he print them off.

In these days of technology it would be remarkably easy to produce fictitious statements via cut & paste, scanners, that would look like authentic statements. Of equal ease would be the ability to show a debit from one account to a credit on the target account and equally easy to produce a fictitious balance..(a spreadsheet extract would easily do the job). Fonts can be easily duplicated.....

There may be cards for real bank accounts for "authenticity" but who actually and how do they get statements, and do the "balances" tie up with real balances ?

Just a thought

Malthusian · 11 September 2017 at 3:15PM

rpc wrote: »

Or the network of accounts is to "launder" the money by making the actual destination untraceable by the parents.

5-10 accounts would suggest the brother was maximising high-interest regular savers and current accounts. (I remember one guy on this forum saying he had 12-15 current accounts - he wanted to find out how he could get an Attorney to maintain this arrangement when he was no longer compos mentis enough. For free.)

30 accounts = money laundering.

It's not my specialist subject, but I'm certain that there aren't enough high-interest accounts on the market to make anywhere close to 30 worthwhile. Probably the OP's parents don't have 30 accounts open right now and he means that something like 30 have been opened over the course of several years... but it still sounds like far too many for there to be any rational explanation.

Rags2riches wrote:

Possibly bankruptcy would be good for them. It would force my brother out of their accounts and let them press the reset button.

Nope. They would have to pay all the difference between their £50k pension income and their current frugal expenditure to the bankruptcy trustee. Possibly more if the official receiver thinks they can reasonably make their budget even tighter than it is now. That would last for three years, after which the brother would probably just start fleecing them again.

In any case the way you describe it, they aren't going to be declared bankrupt, they will just keep on paying the interest. Nothing is going to happen unless or until they decide to get a grip of what is going on. If that does happen, given their level of income bankruptcy is likely to be a last resort. But that would be a question for the Debt-Free Wannabe board.

pimento · 11 September 2017 at 3:31PM

Rags2riches wrote: »

They are in their 60's.

This isn't particularly old.

Rags2riches · 11 September 2017 at 4:01PM

Article50 wrote: »

Ok how is this for a possibility ?

I presume your brother "receives" the bank statements, do you know if they actually come through the post or does he print them off.

In these days of technology it would be remarkably easy to produce fictitious statements via cut & paste, scanners, that would look like authentic statements. Of equal ease would be the ability to show a debit from one account to a credit on the target account and equally easy to produce a fictitious balance..(a spreadsheet extract would easily do the job). Fonts can be easily duplicated.....

There may be cards for real bank accounts for "authenticity" but who actually and how do they get statements, and do the "balances" tie up with real balances ?

Just a thought

My parents can access their statements online. How long would it take to login to all these accounts on a regular basis? They've basically been looking after one to two accounts and leaving the rest to his system.

badmemory · 11 September 2017 at 5:59PM

I wonder if your mother, coming from the time when one had one current account & one savings account, finds the whole idea of multiple accounts confusing & possibly thinks they are doing something wrong, is just too embarassed to admit she doesn't understand. It may be he is trying to "blind her with science".

Tygermoth · 12 September 2017 at 7:19AM

What if he is? it doesn't change the outcome here.

The op can write all the letters in the world - try and show them via the accounts what's going on..... if the Ops mother is not going to change after a visit from the police I very much doubt that a heartfelt plea in any form will change this situation.

The mother on several occasions has chosen the path of least resistance and the other son over the OP.

So I would be sitting at the side-lines and waiting for her to come to me when SHE is ready to admit to herself that things are bad. Its the only time anything is likely to change.

The rest is just an exercise in futility. As the saying goes - There Are None So Blind As Those Who Will Not See

Article50 · 12 September 2017 at 10:40AM

Is it worth suggesting to your mother that she takes full control of the £55 grand to ensure that it is used to reduce some of debt and fully pay off some credit cards?

Like those of us who read this thread I suspect the money will just evaporate with no benefit at all to your mother.

System · 12 September 2017 at 4:25PM

DCFC79 wrote: »

Why is he doing it ?
Is he having money issues ?

Ill be blunt with you he sounds like a prat.

Does he live with your parents ?

Could your parents organise for new cards to be sent out, if he lives with them your parents could see if the cards can get sent to the local branch and they get them or you take your mum out for the day and you pick up the card whilst out.

Prat? I think you are going easy. Thief I would say. Possibly a police matter?

How to deal with a brother TAKEN over parents finances..

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