Money Moral Dilemma: Should I give my younger sister a smaller wedding gift?

Mollyeyre wrote: »

The clue is in the word 'gift', you give what you can NOT what someone else thinks you should, I hate it when a GIFT becomes an OBLIGATION. She is your sister - if she loves you she will not care whether it is £5 or £500

Quite !
However, I do see your problem. How about £250 now, but set up a savings account into which you put £5 a month (or £10 or whatever you can manage), and as soon as it reaches £250 hand it over - by then she will just be recovering from the huge expense of getting married and a financial extra will be very welcome.

By the way, you could tell your sister that you really want to treat them the same (at which point she might say she has no idea what her other sister received), but you can't manage it now, and give her an IOU, whereupon a nice sister will promptly tear it up, give you a kiss, and say it doesn't matter.

John_Gray wrote: »

Perhaps when your older sister married you should have foreseen that your younger one might also in the future, and put by £500 (+ inflation!) for that rainy day?

What did they give you when you got married? Match that, plus whatever else you can afford.

Incidentally, £500 isn't going to go far towards the cost of the average marriage, so you will have got off lightly...

Got off lightly?


OP isn't responsible for funding her sister's marriage or life thereafter.

I would feel the need to match it, that's just the fairest and easiest way I reckon. It is not your younger sisters fault that your financial situation is now different.


I think I would take it personally if one sister got more than me and I would feel bad to receive more than my sister too. It is not the amount of money, but the principle and attitude towards it I guess.

My personal Honour and morals would compel me to give the same amount to both of them even if i had to give half when they married and the other half in a few months or even a years time.
How much is the other sister going to give the younger sister ? £500 perhaps ! how would that make the OP sister feel if she gave less than that ? . This situation where one sister gets given more than another sister has the potential to split familys, and all for the sake of a few quid

To me, this is a matter of being fair, regardless of whether this issue has been openly shared or not i.e. all parties were/are in the know about how much was given to the older sister. Each sister should be treated equally. The problem is that being generous when you were flush has become a mistake. If you had made it an affordable gift, as opposed to what has now transpired to be an unaffordable one, then you would not be in this position. Someone suggested above that you could have put £500 aside for the younger sister when you were flush, which is an idea. Otherwise you could explain that the £500 for the younger sister can only paid by installments, whereupon she may be generous enough to say just give what you can afford.