Battling Debt and Mental Illness — and (hopefully) Winning!

AspiringButAnxious · 8 December 2015 at 12:19AM

Been thinking a lot about Florence's post: when I started this diary, I hoped that I would be able to show others that you can repay debt and learn to enjoy life, even if you have mental health problems. I don't feel like a terrific role model at the moment, but I'm not at my worst. I wish I had more money and could repay my debt quicker, but at least I'm now in control of my finances. I have even managed to have treats and buy friends and family nice presents, thanks to getting vouchers for doing surveys. My behaviour and thoughts have changed too — I no longer buy what I can't afford on impulse and am sickened by the way I used to waste money on !!!! that brought me little pleasure. Perhaps I should try to appreciate those things more.

Went to the doctor today and he has increased my medication. Hopefully it will improve my current state of mind.

I managed to order a £5 Amazon voucher from SB today and because I used my Boots account to order a present for my mum from my dad (using his credit card, of course) I got triple points, which came to over £10! Also went through SB, so should earn some SBs too. Plus I know my dad has gotten my mum a present she really wants and has wanted for ages, but won't buy herself because she thinks it's too expensive (a specific perfume — my dad was prompted with an email from myself!), so she will be really happy. I love being an elf!

Spent a bit yesterday — my mum was ordering stuff from Amazon and I added some treats to the basket (with her permission, I hasten to add!). However, she agreed to pay for some things, since they were for the Xmas period and I won't be eating the non-vegan stuff she buys for the family, plus my nan wanted to get me so ething extra so she's getting me a box of champagne truffles

So much for keeping my spending to a minimum this month...

3 of the ebooks on my "absolute priorities" wishlist have been reduced to 99p each. I had £1.24 of credit, so bought one, but hope the others remain at that price until my next Amazon voucher comes through. The hardback I want will have to wait, but that's fine. In the past, I would have just put them on the CC, along with several extras!

AspiringButAnxious · 9 December 2015 at 11:01PM

Expensive day — I'm having problems getting my latest SB gift card (not getting link email) and was worried that 3 ebooks I really want would increase in price again, after being reduced to 99p each. It's less than £3, but I feel a bit frustrated at having bought them with money, as opposed to Amazon vouchers.

I then spent a lot shopping in Tesco... Found the perfect page-a-day diary for next year; I use them to record my goals and progress. It's beautiful and has plenty of room for notes, but cost £6. However, it means I definitely won't be buying a Mslexia writer's diary this year — I had been wavering, but it costs £14. Also went halves with my mum on a £7 dvd of It's a Wonderful Life and bought a couple of packets of sweets. The total expenditure is around £13, so not too bad, but that counts as splashing out for me nowadays!

Won 50 points on Luckyphone this morning, which cheered me up

Got a phone message from my WL advisor asking why I didn't go to today's appointment — which had been rescheduled for Friday. My dad phoned up to put things straight and my advisor wasn't there, but the woman my mum last spoke to answered the phone and knew about what happened. She said my advisor was having a difficult time, having just come back from illness and holiday, so probably didn't check the system properly. They are so quick to make excuses for my advisor's illness, yet are thoroughly unempathetic when it comes to my illness :mad:

Anyhoo, I have an eye appointment tomorrow. A little nervous, but should be fine.

AspiringButAnxious · 15 December 2015 at 10:27PM

Haven't done much since my last post. Working Links appointment went as expected: my advisor didn't mention his treatment of me and I didn't have enough fight in me to bring it up. My mum did all the talking, because I was too anxious and struggling just to keep my breath. Advisor basically said "we support you, but we won't do anything to help ease your anxiety". He thought I would be reassured when he said WL will never sanction me, but the Job Centre might when they see I've missed appointments. Next appointment is in just under 4 weeks, on Friday afternoon so that my mum can come with me again. Nothing resolved; I still feel pressured and not understood. I suspect people would be more empathetic if my illness were physical, rather than mental.

I have an appointment with a counsellor on Friday morning. Feel sick, partly because I will have to go alone, but it should be more helpful than WL. It's at my local medical centre, so I won't have to drive and I'm familiar with the environment. Hopefully I will be fine.

Got some Xmas baking done on Sunday: mince pies, chocolate truffles and salted caramels. Loads more to do this weekend, but at least I've sorted some of it! Also managed to make vegan brandy cream with soya single cream and xanthan gum

Got £5 Amazon voucher from SB, after 4 days of not receiving the email link. Managed to resist spending it so far... Went to Holland and Barrett after WL appointment on Friday, so spent a bit on treats in there. My spending is under control though, even if I have spent more than planned. Still need to get Xmas presents for the dogs, so hoping to rein myself in when I do.

Sold another ebook this week, after weeks of no sales

Wish I could get up the motivation to complete the next ebook.

Still reading a lot, which is good. Wish I was writing more though...

It's stupid: my life is better on paper than it has been for ages, yet my mental health has nosedived. My debt is finally decreasing, yet I feel more panicked and stressed about money. I'm slimmer than I have been for 4 years, but I can't motivate myself to exercise and eat healthily. Becoming vegan has made me more fulfilled spiritually, yet there's something missing. My dog is healthy and adores me (a little too much at times...) and I want to see my friends' kids grow up, but I can't stop feeling suicidal. It makes no sense. Why am I having a relapse when the first 7 months of the year were brilliant and the only death I've had this year was expected (my dad's GSD, who got to the miraculous age of 12 and a half)?

AspiringButAnxious · 16 December 2015 at 10:45PM

Got £10 Amazon voucher from PCR today, so my balance is £15

Now it's building up nicely and I have no more presents to get (until my bro's birthday on 23rd January), I want to keep it! I can wait to buy the books I want; they are new releases, so still expensive and should drop in a few month's time. I would also like to keep enough in my account to take advantage of Kindle deals and buy ebooks when they drop in price. Then of course, there's my handbag fantasy... Though it's currently "unavailable" so might not be able to get it on Amazon.

Today has been okay, apart from a terrible bout of gastritis which meant I had 3 cream crackers (dry) instead of fennel risotto for dinner... Least I feel better now — was throwing up and in agony for over an hour!

32b3in2013 · 17 December 2015 at 9:54PM

Glad you feel better ABA. What bag do you want? I love handbags

32b3

AspiringButAnxious · 17 December 2015 at 11:13PM

Thanks 32b3

I want a Lulu Guinness perspex red lips one.

Spent all of my Amazon balance today. In my defence, it was on ebooks from my wish lists and £5 of it was on Allen Carr's Get Out of Debt Now, which someone on here (sorry, can't remember who!) recommended. It's been great so far, spelling out how impulsive spending is like any other addiction.

Today was SO day, so paid another £200 off the loan. Feels like so little, but the Allen Carr book talks about how you should celebrate as soon as you are no longer adding to your debt. My debt has been decreasing since June, which is awesome. I will feel better when my savings are bigger and the loan is smaller, but I'm already on the right track.

Feeling really nervous about tomorrow's counselling appointment. Hopefully all will go well

misstara · 18 December 2015 at 11:35AM

AspiringButAnxious wrote: »

the Allen Carr book talks about how you should celebrate as soon as you are no longer adding to your debt.

Love this way of looking at debt

think I'll have to have a nosey for that book. All sounding very positive ABA, hope the counselling session goes well today.

AspiringButAnxious · 18 December 2015 at 3:04PM

Thanks Tara

Counsellor appointment webt really well — I was anxious, but in control. I have an initial 6 sessions booked, starting in 2 weeks. Really pleased

Got £10 credit for ProAc study — a relief, since it took 2 hours and I wasn't sure if it went through all right — so I withdrew £14.50, which meant £13.81 in my bank account after PP fees. I transferred £10.31 to my EF, which brings me within £20 of my target for the year! I get my next ESA payment before the end of the month too, so will hit my goal

Feeling more upbeat about my finances — it helps when I can add to my savings or make a debt repayment! I think the Allen Carr book is already helping though: I have changed my financial habits drastically this year and it's reminded me how much my perspective has changed, even if my finances are still in the early stages of recovery.

32b3in2013 · 18 December 2015 at 6:12PM

AspiringButAnxious wrote: »

Thanks 32b3 I want a Lulu Guinness perspex red lips one.

Feeling really nervous about tomorrow's counselling appointment. Hopefully all will go well

Ooooh, you have very good taste in bags. I have a bit of an out of control addiction to lulu Guinness bags :eek:

Glad the counselling went well

Have a lovely weekend

32b3

AspiringButAnxious · 18 December 2015 at 11:20PM

Thanks 32b3

Got a message on fb today — someone wants to buy my gold bangle for £10! She says she'll collect Mon/Tue, so fingers crossed that all goes well and the sale gets completed.

Been thinking I should get Paypal payments instead of Amazon vouchers on survey sites, where possible. Although PP tends to require more reward points per £, it means I'm more likely to save the money and can use it to boost my EF or repay the loan. It will also reduce my spending on ebooks, which I don't want to get out of hand.

I suppose another option is to buy stuff on Amazon on my mum's behalf, so that the equivalent money can be taken off the loan or my monthly spending via my parents (i.e. Grocery Shopping and dog stuff). I'm just getting to the stage now where I want to clear my debt and increase my savings as quickly as I can, so that I feel more secure and in control.

Battling Debt and Mental Illness — and (hopefully) Winning!

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