Should I tell my family I'm pregnant?

thunderstruck · 25 October 2014 at 12:37PM

Hi all,

About 9 months ago my sister and I got pregnant nearly exactly the same time. We both told our parents parents early (about 7 weeks). Most parents took it well, however my dad got very angry - particularly with my sister whose pg wasn't planned. It's a much longer story than that but that's the gist.

Dad didn't speak to either of us for about 6 months, when he sent a very angry letter saying that we hadn't supported him well through this time. I'm meeting him next week for the first time since this all happened, sis doesn't want to speak to him again.

I had a miscarriage very soon after this all happened(sis's is due next week), and I found out today I'm pregnant. I would really like to tell my mum and OH's family, but I know that if I do I'll feel really guilty about not telling dad. The main reason I don't want to tell him is that when we told him the news and said it was top secret etc, he told about 10 other members of the family (who then all knew I had a miscarriage).

Would you tell the family? The only thing that makes me kind of want to wait three months is that, all going well, OH and I could make the announcement at Christmas.

I hope that made sense! I feel like a rambled a bit.

thunderstruck · 25 October 2014 at 12:46PM

I'm also a bit 'sad' in a way as since the m/c I've been on a VLCD diet which has been working amazingly, but will have to stop. Fingers crossed I'll be able to control myself and my eating habits!

j.e.j. · 25 October 2014 at 12:58PM

So he's got one grandchild about to be born, another one on the way and he's got a beef with you both for 'not supporting him better'?? Very odd. He sounds like a bitter person, best leave him to it.

I think in your situation I would leave it till the 12 week mark has passed but hopefully it'll all go well this time around.

Marisco · 25 October 2014 at 1:21PM

Why did he go mad? Are you very young, not married (is he old fashioned?) or what?

pollypenny · 25 October 2014 at 1:25PM

I wouldn't tell anyone until you are past the 12 weeks stage.

DaveTheMus · 25 October 2014 at 1:35PM

OP, are you religious or very young?

The reason I ask is it sounds very bizarre for a Father to be angry at his daughter being pregnant.

gettingtheresometime · 25 October 2014 at 1:37PM

We didn't tell anyone that I was expecting until I was nearly 12 weeks pregnant and this was 20+ yrs ago - not because I was ahead of the times but because OH's dad was working abroad at the time and we wanted to tell both sets of parents together.

I can sort of understand why you were angry he told the world and his wife about your earlier pregnancy but I read an article recently that basically said why keep a pregnancy a secret ? Yes you may have a miscarriage but surely that means that people can support you emotionally and practically at a difficult time. I'm not describing it very well but it made sense

Spendless · 25 October 2014 at 2:11PM

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

I read an article recently that basically said why keep a pregnancy a secret ? Yes you may have a miscarriage but surely that means that people can support you emotionally and practically at a difficult time. I'm not describing it very well but it made sense

Because people tell people who tell people, who tell people, but in the event of something going wrong, yes the immediate connection people can support you, but they don't always tell (or know) who exactly knows the news that you are pregnant and now needs to be told otherwise.

This is what happened to us. We lost our first at 17 weeks gestation. At my husband's stag do months later (2 months after the baby should have been born) an old workmate he hadn't seen for some time but had come along greeted him with the words 'Hi, how's your baby, keeping you awake at night?' and then my husband had to tell him the sad event and the bloke felt awful for asking him. In the next 2 pregnancies we kept quiet till scans had taken place.

sulphate · 25 October 2014 at 2:45PM

I would tell the family at christmas.

It's perfectly normal to wait til the 12 week scan anyway.

onlyroz · 25 October 2014 at 2:47PM

I wouldn't tell anyone except for people you're extremely close to until the 12 week stage. What was the reason for your dad's anger? I don't understand why he'd be unhappy unless you are very young.

balletshoes · 25 October 2014 at 2:51PM

sulphate wrote: »

I would tell the family at christmas.

It's perfectly normal to wait til the 12 week scan anyway.

thats what I would do too, and it would have been my preference to do when i was pregnant with my DD. As it turned out that wasn't possible, and I had to tell my family a lot sooner (at around 8 or 9 weeks), because people do tell people who tell people - its one of those happy secrets that people don't feel so bad about passing on

.

If you don't want your Dad knowing right now, then personally (because news gets around fast) I wouldn't tell any of your family until 12 weeks, and you can announce it at Christmas

.

Should I tell my family I'm pregnant?

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