Real life MMD: My hubby earns more. Should he pay more of joint bills?

moorsey · 29 February 2012 at 10:00AM

I'm not married yet, so a little different here. My girlfriend and I are moving in together soon and everything will be 50/50, mortgage, bills, white goods etc etc. We have personal accounts and pay for house stuff out of our joint account. When the joint account needs some money, we both transfer the same amount over to it.

Every since we started going out this has been the case, when we go out for a meal/cinema/coffee etc, we split the cost, which baffles some couples we know!!

We are earning a similar (about £k different) amount currently, so it isn't really an issue. If both our salaries went into a joint account, I would be very reluctant to buy personal luxury items from it, where as having my own account and topping up joint account as and when works for me.

kay_hill_2 · 29 February 2012 at 10:03AM

There is any easy solution to this - all money paid into one account, all bills paid out of one account, then whatever 'spending money' is left is divided between the two of you. In early married days we each maintained a separate account and paid our pocket money into it, so we each had some 'no questions asked' money to spend. After a few years we found it really didn't bother us any more, we each trusted the other not to make major purchases without consultation, so we now both use the same account (although we have separate credit cards, enabling us to buy each others christmas gifts without ruining the surprise). Your marriage vows tell you that you should share everything with each other, so really you should both try to look on it as 'our money', whoever brought it into the marriage. Good luck!

Barryfan · 29 February 2012 at 10:07AM

My husband and I have separate accounts. The money from my account pays the direct debits and the money in his account pays other incidentals when necessary. We also retain our own independence as far as having access to cash is concerned (for gifts etc). This works well for us - and we wouldn't dream of ever saying this is mine and that's yours.

carefulnow · 29 February 2012 at 10:08AM

Echoing what others have said - what is right varies from couple to couple and changes over time.

What is vital is open dialogue that arrives at a position that is mutually agreed, accepted and fair. Again this is an ongoing process.

If you cannot talk about money with your partner (married or not) then you have a major issue.

If your situation is felt to be grossly unfair by either partner then you have a major issue.

PS FWIW when we started living together we contributed in proportion to our incomes. Over time we have moved to the fairly common pattern of having an agreed amount of individual - do what you like - money each month and the rest going into the pot for bills, savings etc. Every month we spend an hour or so checking where we are with things ensuring both of us know how our finances are and there is space to agree any decisions.

nickic2610 · 29 February 2012 at 10:12AM

I don't understand why all money isn't shared anyway? Me and my partner are 25 and 26 and have been together for 7 years. Ever since the day we got together all money has been shared, all wages etc go in one account and all bills come out of the same account then we work out what we have to spend each month. I thought this was how a relationship was meant to work especially if your living together or married?

Victoria270385_2 · 29 February 2012 at 10:18AM

Im married and earn more than my hubby but i have two jobs as i have debts. Hubby took out a loan for me to do lump sum payments, he also paid off his credit card with it which was £1,000 but i said i would pay the whole loan back as a thank you for getting the loan in his name. At the moment i pay the rent and he pays the bills, he also pays for takeaways, nights out as most of my money is taken up with the loan. He has never once complained about this and says whats mines is yours etc.

Once we are out of debt in 18 months time the plan is to have a joint account where we will put in money to cover the bills. I will probably pay in more but its all swings and roundabouts. At the end of the day we both want the same thing....to pay our bills, have a kid and buy a house. When we got married i would say i paid for 75% of the wedding cost. I was saving a lot more plus i had £1,000 saved in the bank from when my grandparents used to give me money when i was little, but again we both wanted the wedding/marriage so me spending all my money on it while hubby contributed what he could didnt matter to me.

Every couple is different, i refused to let him pay anything towards the loan as its my mess but after that we will try and split things equally depending on wages at the time.

Have a chat with your hubby and hopefully you can sort things out

Cimscate · 29 February 2012 at 10:19AM

Talk to your hubbie - not us!!!!!:rotfl:

golfiematt · 29 February 2012 at 10:19AM

My wife and i share our money, we love each other and want each other to be happy, money is only an issue if you make it one! I feel lucky that both of us just want whats best for each other.
Not everyone thinks like us so whatever works i say!

cuba2008 · 29 February 2012 at 10:22AM

My husband and I do have a joint account and all his income goes into that as most of our direct debits are paid from there. I work part time and my money goes into my sole account. I'm not being tight but I pay certain bills out of my money and also save some. Unfortunately, my husband is pretty useless with money so it's safer that I take care of the finances. He does get "pocket money" as I pay an amount into his sole account but he spends it very quickly! My daughter and her husband don't have a joint account but he earns a lot more than she does so pays a larger proportion of the bills. As long as you both have something to spend each week surely the one earning more should be shouldering more of the burden? Anything else sounds more like two friends sharing a house rather than a marriage.

mhayman · 29 February 2012 at 10:24AM

As many have said we also have one joint account and all cash goes into that and everything is split. Been that way since day 1, this is a marriage not a flat share.

We also have a "spendies" account, so every month we get pocket money to spend on whatever you like. That is also the same amount not salary based.

That way you can get whatever you want whenever you want without having to check first. If I want an expensive pair of wheels for my bike I'll have to save up several months to get them. Same if my wife wants an expensive pair of boots or something.

It works for us and makes you appreciate what you have if you have to save for it. YMMV.

Real life MMD: My hubby earns more. Should he pay more of joint bills?

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