Financial Protection in Early Dementia?

mumps · 28 February 2013 at 8:49PM

Fire_Fox wrote: »

Most of the active Silk Routers are long since retired, so I guess it depends what chronological age or mental attitude we deem to be 'old' or 'elderly'. You need a certain level of physical health and mental strength to do the SR stuff: it's off the beaten track with risks, dangerous roads and countries, inclement weather including sandstorms and extremely cold nights, no nice caravan sites. One couple from the South America trip got stuck down a ravine when a bridge collapsed! :eek: I'm very proud of my parents for what they have achieved in their working lives and in retirement.

I picked out the use of the word senior from Teajug's post it's not the terminology I generally use but IMO more descriptive of my relatives than 'elderly' since it infers that you are no longer 'junior'. I don't know about your "seniors" but I don't have any desire for anyone to view me as "junior" I haven't lived and learned for 60 years to be considered a junior.

Some of these terms suggest to me that we are ancient/ decrepit at 50 or 60, yet that could be only half to two thirds of the way through life and still having crazy adventures. Most often I describe my sixty something parents as either retired or middle aged, my seventy something relatives I most often describe as either retired or ... seventy something!

So does the 4 year old I know who walks with a zimmer frame qualify as elderly? No I thought not, old or elderly is just referring to how long we have been here not who or what we are.

Confused: I didn't say anything about a disability in the post you quoted.

I've worked in healthcare for twenty years, so my understanding of elderly comes from that field. It's not simply a case of derogatory - it was another poster who used that word - it's a case of being inappropriate for my relatives. Although sadly it seems the relative who is the subject of this thread may become 'elderly', needing more care and support sooner rather than later.

There is a certain image that comes to the mind of many when a very petite single lady that many would describe as 'elderly' (my seventy something aunt) has her purse pickpocketed, epitomised by my colleagues at the time responding with "aaaawww". None of my sixty and seventy something relatives are cute or to be pitied or patronised, all put many a third of their age to shame intellectually and have a better social life than I do! :rotfl:

But your description of your relative as becoming "elderly" due to health issues does sound patronising to me, you are separating him/her from other people their age and making their physical or mental health the defining factor. So I suppose it does come back to is old or elderly just a simple fact of life or a perjorative description of someone you have made a judgement on. I vote for a bit of solidarity with old or elderly people saying loud and clear that we are all equal just because one of us might be a bit confused or another might be a bit fragile doesn't make us any less valid.

Fire_Fox · 28 February 2013 at 10:49PM

mumps wrote: »

But your description of your relative as becoming "elderly" due to health issues does sound patronising to me, you are separating him/her from other people their age and making their physical or mental health the defining factor. So I suppose it does come back to is old or elderly just a simple fact of life or a perjorative description of someone you have made a judgement on. I vote for a bit of solidarity with old or elderly people saying loud and clear that we are all equal just because one of us might be a bit confused or another might be a bit fragile doesn't make us any less valid.

You are erroneously paraphrasing, I said "may become elderly" not "is becoming elderly". I'm not separating them from everyone their age other than in the positive, I already said " I think of them all as being ten years younger than they really are, the seventy somethings are definitely not 'elderly' you know?"

When did I said or intimated anything about validity? Why on earth would I start this thread, and note that I was willing to relocate to support them if needs be? Since when did it become patronising to care about and for your own family members? Surely if I thought they were not valid I'd be all for moving them to a care home regardless of their own wishes?

Earlier in the thread I said that "I do believe [elderly is] a state of mind plus how you treat your body plus health you cannot control ... I don't have enough experience to speak for all but 'my' seniors ... it's based on a sort of average, not just the physical side (agility, energy) but very much mental outlook and open mindedness." which was on top of the chronological aspect of the descriptor (ten years younger).

And as regards 'a bit fragile' "The oldest of all of all my relatives of that generation feels unwell too often and is on a good deal of medication but at the same time is never home in the summer, still leads nature groups, is as bright as a button and would put younger people to shame."

Honestly I wish I'd never posted the thread. I can't believe I am not permitted to be proud of my older relatives, to want them to be able to maintain their activity and independence as long as possible as they want themselves without it being accused of being negative or patronising to another group.

luxor4t · 1 March 2013 at 10:16AM

Firefox ,I know where you are coming from.

I've just spent half an hour trying to post about our experiences with MiL - I gave up as it was just too harrowing and convoluted.
Due to MiL's dementia she claims there is nothing wrong with her and can't understand why she's at a day centre with "all those old people". She's 80, falls regularly and fights every attempt to keep her safe. As a result she is regularly in hospital with cuts etc and has broken bones in her hands and wrists.

All I want to say is, some people hate getting old and others accept it will happen. We all have to do the best we can for our own,and our selves, and you are doing that.:grouphug:

John_Pierpoint · 1 March 2013 at 11:10AM

[FONT=arial, helvetica]Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rage at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
[/FONT][FONT=arial, helvetica]And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.[/FONT]

[FONT=arial, helvetica][The full works of the late Dylan Thomas are available on paper at a price or as an audio download from the likes of Amazon.[/FONT]

[FONT=arial, helvetica]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Do_not_go_gentle_into_that_good_night
[/FONT]
[FONT=arial, helvetica]][/FONT][FONT=arial, helvetica]
[/FONT]

luxor4t · 1 March 2013 at 11:31AM

Love that J_P, here's part of my favourite of Dylan Thomas's poems about age:

And death shall have no dominion.
No more may gulls cry at their ears
Or waves break loud on the seashores;
Where blew a flower may a flower no more
Lift its head to the blows of the rain;
Though they be mad and dead as nails,
Heads of the characters hammer through daisies;
Break in the sun till the sun breaks down,
And death shall have no dominion.

Called: And death shall have no dominion.

margaretclare · 1 March 2013 at 11:41AM

teajug wrote: »

BTW I know of an 'elderly' gentleman that will be 104 in April. When he reached his 100 birthday it was celebrated with all his family (a big do for all, with the Queen birthday card etc) this 'elderly' man cope very well living in his home with carers calling in daily to help. Last year a members of his family thought that he was getting forgetful and was put in a care home, the 'elderly' man was able to walk into the care home himself without any help from his relative that was with him. That same member of family has control of his finances and said on Christmas day that his relative is now been kept in bed all day long in the care home. The relative seemed oblivious to the fact that being kept in bed all day long with no gentle exercises would be the end of him and will probably not reach his 104 birthday.

I think this is absolutely dreadful. Poor man. If he was coping well living at home even with help coming in, why couldn't he have been left there? Some family member made a different decision for him, took control of his finances and the outcome will, it seems, be anything other than what the man himself had hoped for.

Hell will freeze over before I ever agree to any such option, and if anyone ever came with this type of option for me they'd leave quicker than they came, with a very big flea in the ear. Although, we don't know the whole story from above, the man himself may have thought the relative had 'his best interests at heart' and went 'oh all right then, if you think so...'

It's just one week today since that cosmetic surgery. Think 'boob job' but in reverse, you get me?

I do not intend to 'go gentle into that good night'.

Errata · 1 March 2013 at 11:57AM

Hell will freeze over before I ever agree to any such option, and if anyone ever came with this type of option for me they'd leave quicker than they came, with a very big flea in the ear.

Fair enough, and that was my mother's attitude. Unfortunately her judgment had gone because she had dementia. Something that can happen without the person either recognising or accepting it.

margaretclare · 1 March 2013 at 12:28PM

Errata wrote: »

Fair enough, and that was my mother's attitude. Unfortunately her judgment had gone because she had dementia. Something that can happen without the person either recognising or accepting it.

Yes, but we are told that the man in question was 'coping very well at home...even with carers coming in' so why could not he have been left there? We're told that he was becoming a 'bit forgetful'. There's a vast difference between a 'bit forgetful' and 'judgment had gone because of dementia'. Maybe the man of 100+ would have died naturally anyway before he developed full-blown dementia? It will never be known.

luxor4t · 1 March 2013 at 1:22PM

margaretclare wrote: »

....There's a vast difference between a 'bit forgetful' and 'judgment had gone because of dementia'. ..........

Not according to MiL, sadly.

She's still at home because BiL and SiL are honouring her wishes, but it means that they are constantly on call as she now confuses day and night and tries to go out, convinced that they're waiting for her. The neighbours find it very hard having her wandering about the shared garden in the dark, cold nights, but MiL cannot understand (is mentally unable to) why they are "making all that fuss".

margaretclare · 1 March 2013 at 4:37PM

luxor4t wrote: »

Not according to MiL, sadly.

She's still at home because BiL and SiL are honouring her wishes, but it means that they are constantly on call as she now confuses day and night and tries to go out, convinced that they're waiting for her. The neighbours find it very hard having her wandering about the shared garden in the dark, cold nights, but MiL cannot understand (is mentally unable to) why they are "making all that fuss".

She is well past the stage of 'being a bit forgetful' according to your description of her, above. Well past!

Financial Protection in Early Dementia?

Comments

Categories

Get our FREE Weekly email full of deals & guides - and it’s spam-free