Unreasonable to ask for more child support?

topaz94 · 25 May 2017 at 10:56PM

Hi everyone. So I am wondering what everyone thinks of the situation in regards to me claiming more child support even though I am already getting a considerable amount, is it unreasonable?

I have a one year old daughter from a brief relationship with my ex partner who is a professional athlete. I have no idea of the exact figure of his salary but I assume it is above £10k a week, in addition he also owns a lot of property which is rented out.

I have to give it to him that ever since our daughter was born, he has been an amazing father to her. He is working abroad but comes every day off and is very interested and involved in his daughters life (this is his first child). He is a great father, despite us not being able to get on very well, I try to make the best of the situation for our daughters sake.

When she was born, we went on the CSA website and did an online calculation to see how much child support he should be paying. The figure came out at £300 a week, so he has been paying me £1200 a month which is a lot of money and helps a lot and the leftover after childcare goes in to savings for emergencies and my daughters future.

My daughter was born extremely premature (at 24 weeks) due to this she has a variety of health conditions including lung disease (which requires 24 hour oxygen) and a hole in her heart. We are admitted to hospital at least once a month. Due to this, I have said she is not allowed to go to his house abroad because I do not want her to get sick and be that far away from me or in a foreign hospitals with doctors that may not know or understand her health conditions. He is not happy with this as he wants her to stay with him every month for a week, as I have refused I am now facing legal action. I had a letter from a solicitor stating what he wanted and they asked me if I was willing to agree to it. I said no and put forward my reasons and they said that they would be taking legal action then and advised me to seek my own legal advice, which I have done.

My solicitor advised that the judge will likely find that due to her health issues and risk of sickness, he will likely not be granted permission for what he wants. However, she is encouraging me to ask for more child support. She says that the cma can only calculate an entitlement for child support based on a maximum income (around £3000 a week) which his exceeds. I have been reading about it online and it suggests people who have an income higher than this "need to apply to the courts for a child support top up" She has suggested contacting his solicitor on my behalf and asking him to offer a higher amount then if I am not happy with that, apply to the courts for an increase.

I work full-time myself so the child support he gives me combined with my wage gives me a lot more financial freedom than I would otherwise have. I know I would be entitled to a higher amount I just don't know if I should claim it even though I could? He is a good father and I know if she needed anything, he would be there. But the other part of me feels like it could do so much good for both me and my daughter. Currently im spending £500 a month on childcare and over £900 on rent (which is all my salary gone) with additional money I could hopefully get on to the property ladder, create savings for my daughter to get through uni and just afford a better life for her.

PeacefulWaters · 25 May 2017 at 11:17PM

Foreign doctors can sometimes be better doctors.

gettingtheresometime · 25 May 2017 at 11:21PM

I think to intertwine the two issues is likely to cause a load of grief.

I can appreciate your decision regarding your daughter going abroad but if you were happy with the amount the dad was giving you then would you have sought more if the solicitor (who sounds as if she's just thinking of the extra fees the maintenance issue will generate for her)handed mentioned it?

Do you know that her dad isn't putting money away for her ?

topaz94 · 25 May 2017 at 11:43PM

I fully accept that foreign doctors can be better doctors, but I don't feel comfortable taking that risk. He lives in a very small town with one hospital (he has confessed it is awful as he had a stay there) he said if she got sick he would take her to a private hospital which is an awful journey from the town he lives in (so if it was an emergency she would have to go to the local one). Plus I wouldn't be there and they would not have access to her medical records nor would I be able to talk to them because of the language barrier. She is also due to have major heart surgery in July in order to close her PDA.

I would not have sought additional child support because I did not know I could (I thought what I was getting was the limit regardless how high the wage) I feel like if he was a useless father, did not see her, did not show willingness to provide then I would, but because he is such a caring father who I know would help me with anything then I don't feel I should. But at the same time, he has all this additional money which is just lying around to be spent buying more property, new cards and shoes that one pair amounts to my monthly childcare bill. I don't know if he has been putting money aside for her in a separate account, He has told me he will pay for school fees when she starts school however and I know if she went to university or had a family of her own and needed a house he would pay for all of this, as he has said.

Savvy_Sue · 26 May 2017 at 1:57AM

topaz94 wrote: »

He has told me he will pay for school fees when she starts school however and I know if she went to university or had a family of her own and needed a house he would pay for all of this, as he has said.

Well, you know he's in a position to do all that at the moment, but you said he's a professional athlete. Presumably that means that he may need to change career if he suffers injury problems - even if he can move over into coaching or management, might that mean a drop in salary, perhaps a substantial drop?

In your place, I don't know if I'd apply for an increase, but I agree that conflating these two issues may be unwise. "Hey, she's only saying no to my daughter coming to stay with me because she wants more money" / "Hey, if I pay more money she will HAVE to allow my DD to stay with me" / "Hey, I haven't got the access I want so why should I pay any more money, heck why am I paying as much as I do at present?"

But what strikes me as slightly odd is the very idea that going to stay with him for one week each month would work long term - or even short term.

FBaby · 26 May 2017 at 5:55AM

I personally find it outrageous to expect child support that is way above what the child actually cost, which then means it becomes more of something alike 'spousal' income than child maintenance.

Because you can maybe have more doesn't make it right. You are working FT, so clearly dedicated to your career so either already earning a decent income already or with the prospect to do so. Greed is not a nice trait, pride that what you have acquired what you have through your hard work will take you much further.

Your daughter won't care about any possessions you can get her. She will care to feel unconditionally loved by both yourself and her father. You working with him to try to come to a compromise so that both of you can build a strong tie with her is more important than anything.

My mum tried to take me away when I was two year old. My dad got on a plane and came to get me and took me back home. My mum had to come back and work with him so he could have regular access. I am close to my mum as an adult, but have always been very close to my dad and I am grateful that I was given the chance for us to grow close. Don't assume only you can parent your child properly.

Redacted · 26 May 2017 at 7:40AM

I think before you make any decision, you should carefully consider the impact it may have on your present and future co-parenting relationship. Do not enter into this thinking everything else will stay the same - if you pursue this extra support you may find he decides he will pay only what he is legally required to and nothing else. Is that something you would be fine with as an outcome?

Additionally, I would ask your solicitor about the long term access prognosis. While I can understand why a solicitor would think that while your child is this young and still facing serious medical issue that the desired access would be refused by a judge, do they think he will never be granted access? Expectations often change as children get older.

This is a long haul relationship and it is very easy to get entrenched in tit for tat battles, which have long term negative impacts on all concerned. Each decision needs to be carefully weighed for both short and long term effect.

peachyprice · 26 May 2017 at 8:13AM

Your child's father has a finite career, the money is is potentially earning him low is going to have to last him many years beyond his retirement from sport, hence the property portfolio. i have no doubt, that should you try to pursue more child maintenance this is exactly the point his lawyers will make. Can you afford a lengthy court case?

As for not allowing your child to visit her father abroad, surely if he is that wealthy that you feel you can fleece him for more CM he is that wealthy that he can afford the best medical care money can buy should your daughter be ill whilst with him.

justme111 · 26 May 2017 at 8:21AM

Pleased to see the responses so far have not been prompting you to go for all you can. Please consider the damage legal battle will (not may , will) do to your child as a result of ruining your relationship with father. Do not forget it is easy for people who are not on paye to hide their income - you may end up with less. Besides you can get quite a bit of it asking for it as and when required , the venue which is likely to be shut if you go all guns blazing. It is solicitor's job to point out what you could do specially as it would generate them fees. You as a client do not have to take all their suggestions.
My ex pays less than a half of what csa would have taken as child support. It is the amount that he suggested and I am happy with it. I would rather he given happily , not begrudgingly. He lives a few hours away so seeing his daughter involves additional expense and lost earning - I factor it in. When she is with him (them as he has another family) they spend money on her - holidays , activities, clothes. Which they would not have if they paid it to me. I would rather they enjoy spending it on her. We are on good terms with his new partner which translates in my daughter having another adult in her life who cares about her and who I find far easier to discuss issues about my my daughter with than her father. In fact there was a year where ALL communication was through her. I could been different if I taken a huge chunk of his (their) income.
If you can think of anything that costs money and would benefit your daughter directly ( private medical treatment, rehabilitation, support , classes etc) you can ask him to pay to a provider directly and it will be win/win. My daughter does some tuition in a subject which is benefitial to her and which I approve of but as my ex feels particularly strongly about it I asked him to pay for it and he does. Other thing to do would be to ask him to open bank account or investments for her and put money aside on her name now (which he may be doing already but probably not if you are not aware of it).
Of course if I had to go without essentials I would have raised the issue of more money with him. Or if he talked me into having a child I did not particularly want and promised I would never had to work again.

But I doubt it was your case. Finally well done in not blindly following solicitor suggestion and I wish you and your daughter well, I am scared even imagining how hard it must be for you with her medical condition.

Rosemary7391 · 26 May 2017 at 8:23AM

Given that your child maintenance is more than my.monthly income, I'd not ask for more. I might ask if specific things could be funded, private medical treatment say (if that might help), or for an amount to be set aside to help your child as an adult - university fund, house deposit, that sort of thing.

Re access - I sympathize with your position. Can you give some indication of when it might be possible/what improvement in.the medical situation you'd need before you'd agree? Sometimes sounding like you want it to happen too is helpful.

paddy's_mum · 26 May 2017 at 8:36AM

Although now a fit and sturdy mother herself, one of my daughters had PDA and I completely understand your refusal to allow the child to be away from you. It's not just the hole in the heart that is the problem but also the generalised physical weakness and vulnerability risk which is a big part of the condition.

However, could it be worth exploring with her father the possibility of the child visiting him, with you, if that would help with the relationship between them while also giving you as much peace of mind as possible during this difficult time?

I send to you all my heartfelt good wishes for her operation in July and I can tell you that I broke down and sobbed at the instant I saw my child post-op, crying aloud over and over "she's pink, she's pink!" :j

Unreasonable to ask for more child support?

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